Twing, Twang, Twung

Full Counts:All Words: 804


Once upon a time, there was a dentist.

I know you know what a dentist does, but I'm going to tell you anyway. A dentist fixes other people's teeth. That is what he does. He also fixes his own flat tires, not other people's. I mean the flat tires on his own bicycle, not other people's. Usually, that is.

This dentist was very environment conscious. So he walked to work each day. It helped that he lived next door to his clinic.

Well, so this dentist we're talking about was walking to his clinic one day - when suddenly - his shoe shrank. I bet you can't say that five times fast. His shoe shrank. His shoe shrank. His shoe ... five times fast.

Anyway, his shoe shrank five times, smaller and smaller.

Twing, twang, twung, tweng, twong.

So his shoe was the size of a baby's shoe. Which means it was a baby's shoe now. He couldn't wear it anymore, they don't let babies be dentists. (There's no place to do diaper laundry in a waiting room.) Besides babies get too distracted riding up and down those chairs.

Anyway, so he had a right shoe which was a wrong shoe now, it had to be left out. It was too small, see. It was a baby's shoe now.

So he took it off and put it on the street where he lived, and stood there in the remaining sock and another sock covered by an adult size shoe.

But it wasn't dignified to walk to work that way so he borrowed his neighbour's bicycle. He didn't want to borrow a car because he was environment conscious, remember? Anyway so he got on to the bicycle and got right back off again the wrong way because the bicycle had a flat tire and so it could not take his weight and threw him off.

So he sat there on the street where he lived, not on his socks, but on another part of his anatomy. And he yelled at the bicycle for having a flat tire, but the bicycle didn't respond. So he put the bicycle next to the baby shoe and walked to work with one foot shod and the other foot shoddy.

He did not offer to fix the flat tire - I told you dentists don't fix other people's flat tires, remember? Before I told you that his shoe shrank, five times, twing, twang, whatever, I told you he didn't do tires.

There was a patient waiting for him, in the waiting room where there were no laundered diapers - or dirty ones either. The patient's Dad owned a chain of bubble gum stores, and the patient was allowed to play with the bubble gum machines. So the patient ate lots of bubble gum and stuck more of it into girls' hair. At which point his doting Dad called him a darling boy, always up to his tricks.

Anyway, so this patient was a dentist's dream, because the bubble gum ruined his teeth and ruined his fillings and ruined his braces and ruined his dentures. (His own teeth had been worn out by the bubble gum long ago.) The gum ruined his gums, too. So every now and then he had to visit the dentist and run up big bills getting the messes that the bubble gum had created cleaned up. And if there were no bills available to run up - then he gave the dentist the no bill prize.

Anyway, I digress. I am sorry.

The dentist smiled at his patient and put him in the chair and cleaned the bubble gum out of his teeth.

"Why don't you have a shoe on?" the patient asked, patiently.

"Don't think of the dentist as half-shod," replied the good man. "Think of him as completely socked."

"That's deep stuff," the patient replied.

"So's your cavity," the dentist said.

Anyway, the patient had his teeth cleaned and went out on to the street where the dentist lived. There he found - yes, yes, come on, I told you this.

He found a baby's shoe and a bicycle with a flat tire. He was so happy because all the while that his Dad had allowed him to play with bubble gum machines, he had, deep down in his knees, wanted to play with babies' shoes and bicycles with flat tires.

So he took the shoe and the bicycle home and played with both of them. His Dad paid the dentist's neighbour for the bicycle, and had the tire inflated again. Nobody paid for the baby's shoe. The dentist bought a single shoe from a single shoe counter and though it didn't match his other shoe, it matched his other sock quite well so everyone was happy.

The moral of the story is don't count your bubble gum before it shrinks.