Who is Jayne?

I can't breathe. Its like a large tumor is growing in my chest blocking my breath. I'm freaking myself out like I usually do. I should just let sleeping dogs lie but I know if I do that, this will rot in my heart and mind until it will come out one day and I'll be so hurt because I didn't way anything. I want to know the answer but I don't want to know at the same time. I wish I had never looked onto his email. I wish that I wasn't such a fucking nosy person. I just let my curiousity run loose and now its killing me. To get this clean and out in the open, I want to know so that I can either relieve my fears or let it go. I can't even eat because this is eating at me. I feel like crying and I'm so fucking jealous. I can't stand it. Connor already cheated on my or rather I had already been the other woman. Am I the other woman again? Or is this cheating now? I'm so fucking confused. Am I the other woman or am I being cheated on when my boyfriend cheats on me? ok. Calm down. You don't know that he cheated on you. But why didn't he tell you about that chick sending him pics of her in lingerie? You told him about the kiss. You told him but he didn't tell you this. Does he think its not important? GOD! Take a deep breath. Its gonna be alright. Nothing is going to happen. Baby. It hurts so much when I even hear him call me that. Did he call that other chick baby too? Did he say it the same way? I just wanna throw up. I'm halfway there. I am so fucking fat and disgusting. Would he have looked elsewhere if I had been more fit and athletic? I try so hard to be a good girlfriend. I clean. I cook. I give him massages and scratch his back. I try to be as affectionate as possible to show him how much I fucking love him. Is it enough? Maybe if I exercise more then I would look better to him. I hate crying but I just don't want to lose him. Please tell me why this shit is happening to me. I'm so sorry I'm not older. I wish I was more mature so that he wouldn't be ashamed of telling his parents and friends about me. I wish I was more mature so that I would go to bars and clubs with him. I'm not ashamed to tell my parents about him. I'm not ashamed to tell my friends and sisters and aunt that he is 36. I accept him as he is. I don't know why I act weird sometimes. I guess I just want him to ask what's wrong so that I know he cares. He tells me he loves me but is he only saying it because I forced him to say it? I wish I never made him say it but I needed it at the time.

I confronted him by texting. I wanted to do it face to face but I was too impatient to wait and I knew I would be weak if I was face to face with him. I would just look at him and he would poke fun at me and I couldn't help but smile and that would be that.

I didn't save my texts but here are all his texts. To clarify, I found saved 6 saved pics of this chick on his email. Saved in a seperated file. SAVED. He must have been looking at them more than once. She was posing in lingerie(lacy panties and bra).
I'll add clarification after each of his texts to help make sense
-That's the person n my guild. The one n canada(like I really know all his female guild members. He plays lotro.) pics eh? I have other people 2 ya goob (he has other pics of other chicks in his computer but most are fully dressed and the ones that aren't are his exes pics. It kinda bothered me when I saw them but I remembered that he told me about them way back when. He doesn't know I saw the lingerie shots on his email.) They r in art foldr since u r lookin. (starting to feel the heat)
-ok so why upset and why snoop?
(the word 'snoop' gets me a little ticked but I deserved that because I was snooping. However, the 'why upset' part killed me. Why am I fucking upset? He has fucking lingerie shots of this gorgeous chick SAVED ON A SEPERATE FILE ON HIS EMAIL! I'm still calm in my answers. Reasonable.)
-That's at ajs b4 I even knew you. That's margo.She lives in vegas.
(I told him I already knew that was margo. One of his exes. A few pics of her naked and standing around in public in lingerie. I could give a shit. I already knew about her. I tell him I knew about her and we move on.)
*He just texted me again but I'll keep on with this until I get to the present.
-Uh not an ex but I did date her and it was a halloween costume...then delete them...doesn't matter to me (sounds so good doesn't it?) I'm with you. Do you doubt that? Don't cast stones.(OHHH...so now I'm casting stones? All I did was ask him why he had lingerie shots of a strange woman. The last was sent on the 9/1, a day before I got on the plane to fly to texas to live with him. He thinks I'm taking about this chick in an EVE costume. I'm not. Plus, I believe she was a girl he met at the beach before we started dating. I might be wrong.)
-Oh Jayne those were her glamour shots 4 her husband& no nudity...plus as you c...theyre pics not sex messages...
(Umm...I'm pretty sure my boyfriend is not her husband. Why the hell does he have pics she took FOR HER HUSBAND in his SAVED email file? HMMM????? Not sex messages? How sexy can this message get? Her tits are about to pop out of the damn bras for god's sake!)
-I thought you were talking about margo..jayne is in canada
(How nice...He's clarifying that she's in canada. I told him I knew it wasn't margo.)
-Baby I'm sorry it seems bad...but I love you and only you
(This is the part where the shit hits the fan and I'm crying alone in the apt. A man would only say this if there is something he wants to not admit. A man will use these lines to try to soften up their girl. It used to work on me when my ex said that but not anymore. I love him and i want to tell him but it hurts and I'm scared.)
-Far as I recall she is clothed in all of them
(if you call lingerie 'clothes')
*A long period of no texts to answer my question which is why he has those shots*
So I text him :I guess there's my answer.
-I haven't answered you yet...in class
(Right...so how did he text me before?)
I don't text back for a while and he texts me
-you alive?
(wow...that's all he could come up with?)
He tries to call me but I sent it to voicemail...Not really in a talking mood

-I'm on break...and was trying to talk to you (more like gauge my anger to see what tact to use)...but i see how you're going to act and that's fine. U don't want to talk no problem...just let me know..(....... ... trying to get pissy with me? Ha. HAHA! Not gonna happen. I text him and tell him that he needs to answer my original question and then we can talk.
-saying that solves nothing...you have a guilty conscience over something
(Wow. I told him that I have nothing to be ashamed of which I don't and that he needs to not project onto me)
*This is what he wrote me earlier
-But highly accusatory( All I did was ask him question over texting)...kist pics not love letters...wasn't hidn them or nutn...
(Ha. If he wasn't hiding them, he would have given me his password. I only got to see these pics because he left for work and forgot to log off his account. I texted him back : Honey, they're lingerie pics. How much more of a love letter is that?
Can anyone tell me what love has to do with any of this? All I did was ask him two simple questions..
*Who is Jayne Van Heerden? (this is her real name just to let you know so that you can be on guard when you hear some chick introduce herself to your man by this name)
*Why do you have pics of her in lingerie?
This is as far as it goes right now. I'm going to sleep so that I don't have to look at him and start crying and embarass women kind. He's sleeping on his side of the bed tonight. I won't try to cuddle tonight. Wish me luck ladies. I'm gonna try to get across the idea that even though I'm sweet to him, I'm not someone who will just put up with his shit and let if go. I'm not gonna be treated like a door mat anymore by anyone.