The Fat Girl

The fat girl was waiting for her outside. She was not fat as she was big but Sam and the girls preferred to refer to her as fat. To Sam, it was a small, but petty consolation for the fact that she was about to get bashed by her.

You could say that Sam’s childhood ended on a Christmas day because it was on Christmas day, in her twelfth year, that she ate from the tree of knowledge and learnt that she was stupid.

“Don’t go,” Jessica advised, “You don’t have to go outside. She’s only a fat bitch anyway. No need to pay any attention to anything she says.”

Sam felt that it pointless of Jessica to say this. Jessica wasn’t the one the fat girl was after. None of them, not Jessica nor Martine nor Cay, ever put themselves in the trouble Sam found herself now in.

Simply, they were just not that stupid.

They were inside Tony’s house, for his birthday. Sam could hear the fathers, shouting and busy getting drunk in the family room while the mothers gossiped amongst themselves in the kitchen, unknowing of the affairs of their children. Sam was only in the hallway but they felt so far away.

It felt very alone, to know that although her parents were only a room away, they were oblivious to the fact that she was about to get bashed by the fat girl.

She couldn’t tell them. There was a lump that stuck at the bottom of her throat that made her unable to do so. She was no longer a child and how was she to explain it, anyway? She couldn’t say ‘Oh mum, because of my big mouth the fat girl wants to bash me. Please don’t let her hurt me.’

She was no longer a child!

It was such a difficult situation. She knew, with absolute (though perhaps not conscious) certainty, that the fat girl wouldn’t lift a finger whilst she was inside. Outside, if Sam decided to go, the outcome for that would be very uncertain.

Sam felt that eventually she would have to go. She was aware that Jessica knew her thoughts and could not understand why Sam was even considering the option. But Sam had to go, otherwise she was a coward, wasn’t she? But if she did go outside, well, she knew her own physical limits. The fat girl would absolutely hammer her. Sam knew her ability, knew that she couldn’t fight back and that was cowardly too, wasn’t it? The first was cowardly by her own understanding and esteem of the concept; the latter cowardly in the eyes of those around her.

This was a dilemma Sam had to deal with on her own. Informing her parents was out of the question. To do so would be like condemning herself to an eternity of being like a child. It would be like not allowing herself to grow up.

But she wished desperately that she was smart enough to see how things lead to here. She felt as if she had been flung into a block of ice. How on earth had she let it happen?

Sam had two counts of stupidity against her name. Firstly, none of the others, and especially not Jessica, would have found themselves the target of a fat girl’s violence. Despite what Jessica said earlier, it would be something she would be caught dead saying within the fat girl’s hearing.

Second, none of them would have gone outside.

Before, she did not know for sure that she was stupid. It was only the seedling of a suspicion. She didn’t really believe it. She got better grades than any of them so she couldn’t really be that stupid. Now she knew for sure and it consolidated something Cay said to her a few weeks ago.

* * *

“I can’t stand Martine,” Cay had said, “She thinks she’s so perfect, always flipping her hair and trying to flirt with my brother. He thinks she’s an ugly tart.”

Sam didn’t want to get involved so she shrugged and said, “I think Martine’s alright. She’s never really done anything to me.” Truthfully, she thought Cay might be a bit jealous of Martine. Martine was quite pretty, pale skinned with long shiny straight black hair. Martine was well off and lived in a big house whilst Cay lived in the housing commission.

“She talks about you when you’re not there,” Cay said knowingly.

“What does she say?” Sam asked.

Cay looked away and bit at her bottom lip. “I don’t really wanna say,” she said, “But it’s not good stuff.”

“Just tell me,” Sam insisted. The wrong words came out of her mouth. She did not really want to know. It was just that she felt so betrayed. Out of the girls, she was the one who knew Martine first and introduced her to the rest of them. It made her feel as if she should have some claim to Martine’s loyalty. And she originally thought Martine was a good sort too – it hurt to know that Martine might be just another Jessica.

“It was at Jessica’s place, after you had already left. We were hanging out front and then they started talking about you. ‘Samnang is so stupid!” Martine says to Jessica and they both laugh. “She’ll believe anything you tell her,” says Jessica. Martine then tells us, ‘The other day at Oceanworld there was only one guy at the counter. You could have stolen the whole store and he wouldn’t have noticed. I crammed my pockets full of stuff and I felt sorry for Sam so I showed her how to do it. I even said for her not to worry because it was easy! But she still didn’t.’ Jessica laughed again and said ‘That’s because she’s too scared.’ Martine then laughs and says ‘Well, she’s really fucking stupid.’”

* * *

At least the girls were on her side, Jessica and Cay anyway. They had deliberately isolated Martine, due to Sam’s engineering but Cay’s manipulations. Sam saw this now and she, not Cay, was paying the price for it.

“She’s only a fat bitch anyway,” Jessica kept saying, “Who cares what she thinks?”

The fat girl walked past.

“You better be outside in ten minutes or else I’ll beat you up right here,” snarled the fat girl.

Sam’s friends crowded protectively around her as the fat girl walked past, through the front door to the outside.

“Don’t go outside,” pleaded Jessica, “It’s not worth it.”

“She’s going to beat me up right here,” Sam said in a stress, “I don’t want my parents to see it.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Jessica said, “She’s not going to touch you here.”

“I’ve got to go,” Sam said quietly, then asked, “You guys are with me, right?”

“Don’t worry too much,” Jessica replied, “We won’t let her hurt you. David!” She called for her brother.

Sam knew the others were secretly enjoying the commotion. She knew this because that’s how she would have felt if she had only been a peripheral bystander. The girls took delight in their words of comfort because they were still distant from the action. She wished her night and life was over.

Sam found herself outside.
The fat girl stood on the grass, arms folded and eyes glaring. Sam found herself walking up to her. She did not know where these reserves of courage – stupidity? – came from.

“What’s your problem?” Sam heard herself speak, “Why do you want to cause trouble?”

“You’re my problem. You need to be taught a lesson, bitch!”

The fat girl swung a huge fist into Sam’s stomache. For a moment, Sam could not feel anything because she was consumed by the pain and mortification. All she knew was that she flew back and was caught by Jessica and Cay.

David came flying out of the house. He was a year younger than Jessica, but solid for his age and quite a big boy. He shoved the fat girl back.

“What do you think you’re doing?” David yelled as he spat into the fat girl’s face, “Why can’t you just leave her alone!”

“It’s her own stupid fault. She deserves it. If she wasn’t such a bitch to Martine…,” Sam only caught part of it as she was led back inside.

They walked past Martine, who was sitting miserably by herself on the front porch. Not a word was said to her but Sam caught her glance as she went inside. Martine looked almost apologetic and embarrassed, as if they were all a different class of people to the fat girl and that she was sorry she involved them in an episode with such a savage.

Inside, they crowded in the living room and stood before the couch. They talked but Sam couldn’t hear them. She was numb. She was so embarrassed. She felt worthless. Why couldn’t she cope? Why did things have to be so hard? What did God have against her anyway?

They went quiet as the fat girl came inside the house again. She walked towards them and only stopped long enough to punch Sam in the stomache again. Not as strong a punch as the one outside. The fat girl walked quickly away.

The punch had thrown Sam on the couch. It was strange seeing everyone from this angle, seeing them all standing while she was down. Jessica came into the room, saw Sam on the couch and casually walked over and sat down next to her and started to talk.

“Who does she think she is? She’s only known Martine for what – a few hours? And what’s Martine doing hanging around such a savage anyway,” Jessica said in her snootiest voice.

Sam had never felt so grateful to Jessica as she did that moment.