The strength of the heart (Chapter 1)

Listening out for the familiar sound of wheezing coming from the spare bedroom, Vanessa walks out of the door of her room and tiptoe’s past the doors on the landing. She creeps down the stairs slowly, and holding her breath, climbs gently over the creaky stair at the bottom of the case, and places a warm socked foot onto the cold of the hallway floor.
Looking up, the light shines down in her face, causing her exhausted eyes to squint at being faced with the prospect of daytime. The clock reads 4:36, but it’s always fast.
Tying her dressing gown up tighter and remembering her need for a glass of water, she walks along the hallway towards the kitchen. Her feet drag along the laminate flooring and through her slipper socks she can feel the grooves in between each floorboard. She reaches the door to the kitchen and gently pushes it open, letting the squeak echo through the empty hallway, running her hand along the cold wall towards the light switch and flicking it on.

“JESUS CHRIST!” she screams, her body falling back towards the hallway. In the dark corner of the kitchen, sitting on the floor on a cushion, propped up by the kitchen cupboard, is her husband Jimmy.

Vanessa runs over to him, and quickly puts his frail arms around her neck, pulling him up, and dragging his body over towards a chair, placing him on it slowly.

“How long have you been down here?” she asks. She had assumed he had found his way to the spare bedroom and fallen asleep in there so as not to disturb her.

“I… couldn’t get up the stairs,’ he puffs, trying to hide the shame from his wife. ‘I gave up and collapsed at the bottom. I didn’t have the energy to call up so I just pulled myself in here and got the cushion off the chair.”

Vanessa stands up and moves over towards her husband. Grabbing his head softly, she pulls it towards her body and lets him relax in her warmth. Her hand rests on his back where she can feel him struggle for breath.

“Not long now,” she thinks to herself. “Not long now.”

Jimmy looks up at her, and in the light of the moon through the kitchen window, she can see a tear run down his cheek and she knows he’s waiting. He’s waiting to die.
. . .

Chapter 1:
House Swap.
“Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to Hazard nightclub. My name is Jimmy Connor and I will be your host for this evening,” Jimmy’s eyes light up at the sight of the woman entering the room. They follow her across the floor and settle as she sits herself down on the chair right in front of the stage. He winks down at her and she blushes.

“And look what we have here!” he says, pointing the microphone towards the young lady in the front of the crowd. “It’s a beautiful fairy to put at the top of my Christmas tree this year.”

The young girl looks up at the man with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, running around the stage with a microphone cable dangling dangerously close to his ever-moving feet and smiles.

He looks around at the crowd, all eagerly expecting his next joke.

He looks back at the woman in front of him and smiles happily.

“Everyone say hello to my gal, Vanessa.”

A loud “hello” echo’s around the room as Vanessa nervously stands up, takes a bow, and sits back down, looking up at Jimmy and giving him the most evil look she can.

“Gosh she looks angry now, doesn’t she? What have I done?” he says, biting his fingernails in mock fear, but Jimmy sees right through her anger and turns around, wiggling his bum at her.

She smiles and sits back, ready to enjoy the rest of the evening. Her eyes are constantly glued on Jimmy. His hands move along with his words as he belts out joke after joke. The crowd roars as each punch line gets taken in and the applause is breathtaking.
Vanessa stands up, and walks towards the door ready to go. She stops and turns back, gazing up at the stage and catches Jimmy’s eye as he smiles a goodbye that is secretly telling her he’ll see her when he gets back. She smiles back and wrapping herself up in her coat ready to face the winter cold outside, she makes her way home.

“I’m telling ya, darlin’, they loved ya!”

“Yeah they might have done, but I don’t like being dragged into your act, Jimmy. I’m not a prop. Sometimes you just don’t listen to me do you?” she shouts at him, trying to avoid the alcohol and stale cigarette smoke breath that was emanating from his mouth.

Jimmy grabs Vanessa’s arm and pulling her closely against his warm body, kisses her lips softly, locking his arms around her waist.

“Jimmy get OFF me!” she shouts, using her nails to force his body away from hers and wriggling out of his tight grip. “You think you can solve everything with a kiss. Well it doesn’t work like that. Some things just can’t be fixed like that. One day you're going to have to grow up.”

“It can.” he pouts holding his shoulder that had been clawed at seconds before.

“Don’t pout like a baby, Jim. Sometimes I wonder if I’m your girlfriend or your mother,” she says, walking into her closet and putting her dress away.
“Trust me, you’re not my mother. That would be an odd relationship, to say the least,” Jimmy chuckles lightly to himself, expecting Vanessa to join in.

Vanessa frowns at him and kicks his shin as she passes.

“Be serious Jimmy. I can’t always be the grown up. Sometimes I can’t be there and you have to at least act like you can deal with the moment.”

Jimmy throws his coat to the other side of the room and lay’s back on the bed putting his feet up.

“I can deal with anything,” he mumbles, before closing his eyes and dosing off.

Vanessa, still rattling on about how immature and unsupportive Jimmy is, suddenly stops and looks over at him. His facial expression neutral, his mouth open slightly, and his breathing steady, he looks almost childlike. She walks over to the bed and slowly crawls over to him, pulling his socks off and wrapping a cover over his strong body. She lies underneath it herself and rests her head on his shoulder. Stroking his hair, she notices he need’s a hair cut soon, but decides to write that on the to-do list tomorrow. Right now, she’s just going to enjoy the precious moment with Jimmy where she’s not bitching and he’s unable to speak.



Turning over slowly to slam the alarm snooze button, Vanessa rubs her sleepy eyes and rolls over to see Jimmy sat up with his back against the back of the bed.

“What’s up, honey?”

Jimmy frowns and looks over towards his girlfriend. Her make-up from the night before is creating panda like stains under her eyes, he smiles at her and pulls her close to him.

“I’ve been thinking,” he announces.

“That’s never good,” Vanessa pipes in, pressing herself closer to his warm body.

“Shut up for a second, Ness.”

Vanessa looks up at him with wide eyes, and feels a sudden surge of fear pulsate her body at the thought of Jimmy acting serious.

She met Jimmy about six years previous and she fell in love with him at first sight. His tanned complexion, dark eyes and even darker hair caught her eye, but his amazing smile had been the thing that drew her to him immediately. She couldn’t help herself smiling back at him when he looked into her eyes. It was as if he could see right into her thoughts, and she loved it. It felt as though she didn’t even have to tell him what she felt, or what she thought. He could figure it all out for himself. They had been sixteen and they fell in love for the first time in their lives. After a couple of years, against their parents wishes, they moved into a small apartment together in Dublin, about thirty miles away from their family and friends. It was never spoken about but they had always known that they would grow old together.
The apartment is getting too small for all of their belongings now. Vanessa’s photographs and art materials, and Jimmy’s tools and computer equipment are permanently stashed away in a walk in cupboard in the hallway, and only taken out when vitally needed.
Working till late at night, they arrive home wanting nothing more than to fall asleep in each other’s arms.

Jimmy lays himself down again next to Vanessa and stares at the ceiling. Vanessa pulls herself up onto her elbow and looks into his eyes.

“What’s bothering you?” she asks, panicking slightly.

“Promise you won’t laugh?”

“Swear down”

“I keep having dreams that I have a son. That we have a son.”

Vanessa lay’s back down and rests her eyes on the crack in the ceiling that Jimmy is undoubtedly looking at.

When they first moved in together Jimmy had told Vanessa of his dreams of having a son. The hardest thing she’s had to do is sitting him down and explaining to him she may never be able to give him that son. When she was younger a routine operation didn't go to plan, ending in one of her fallopian tubes collapsing. Further tests showed that their chances of conceiving naturally were slim. Very slim. Holding onto Vanessa’s shaking body whilst the doctor told them their options, Jimmy assured her that he would love her no matter what, and she could do nothing but believe him. They left the clinic with a bundle of forms on IVF treatment, which eventually got filed away in the piles of paperwork and bills on Jimmy’s desk and forgotten about. Money like that was something they didn’t have the luxury to pin to a dream.

“I’m sorry,” she says, turning to face him.

Jimmy props himself up and pulls her on top of him. “You’ve nothing to be sorry about, love. It’s just a dream.”

Vanessa nods and lays her head on his chest to hide the tears rolling down her cheeks. It may just be a dream to him, but all Vanessa can think about is that she wants nothing more than to carry her own child, to have another human being growing inside her. A part of Jimmy and a part of herself.

They lay together talking for some time, until the snooze alarm goes off on Vanessa’s alarm.

“Time to get ready for work,” she says, flinging her legs over the side of the bed and pulling herself up. She walks straight into the bathroom and steps into the shower. Her body crawling with Goosebumps from the cold, she lets the warm waterfall over herself as she wraps herself in foam. Suddenly she feels a warm hand slide around her body from behind, slowly creeping up towards her breasts. Another hand joins it and runs up her torso in the warm foam. She jumps as a colder body than her own is pressed up against her back and she can feel warm breath against her ear. Turning around she faces Jimmy as he pushes her back against the cold tiled wall, and wraps her legs around his waist. Their naked bodies rub together as the water falls in between them. Vanessa bites her lip then kisses Jimmy’s neck slowly up towards his ear and as he slowly begins to make love to her, she sighs happily.

“I’ll love you always,” she smiles, as they slowly untangle and Jimmy places her back onto her feet.

“Always and forever,” he winks, stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around himself and Vanessa. They stand holding each other for a few minutes when a phone rings in the kitchen. Vanessa pulls the towel off of Jimmy and runs in, trailing water behind her.

“Hello Vanessa speaking,” she almost shouts into the phone.

“Hello Vanessa, it’s Charlotte, I don’t know if you remember me…”

“Charlotte Walters? From school? Oh my god hello! I haven’t spoken to you since… well, school.”

“I know, I ran into your mother in a shop the other day and she gave me your number.”

“Really? Well I’m glad she did,” Vanessa sighs, pulling herself up onto the counter and twiddling the phone cable around her little finger. “Where are you living now?”

“Dublin. Not far from you so your mother tells me. That’s why I’m calling actually. I have a proposition for you...”


Just as Jimmy is getting settled in his armchair after a hard day at work, he hears squealing coming from the hallway.

“Wow you’ve gotten taller,” he hears Vanessa shout.

“No I’ve gotten fatter. But you haven’t. You haven’t changed one bit, you cow!” he hears an unfamiliar voice respond.

“Come on in, I’ll introduce you to Jimmy.”

Jimmy stands up quickly as Vanessa drags a tall curvy woman into the room. He smiles politely and holds out his hand.

“Charlotte, this is Jimmy. Jimmy, this is my best school friend, Charlotte.”

Charlotte smiles and shakes his hand quickly to avoid any embarrassing silences and winks at Vanessa.

“Sit down, sit down. Do you want a glass of wine?”

“I’d love one thanks. God this place is gorgeous.”

Vanessa pours three glasses of wine, and hands one each to Jimmy and Vanessa and takes one herself.

“It’s not too bad. It’s too small for us really, but it’s a nice place to live,” Jimmy says, sipping his wine and putting his feet up on the coffee table.

Vanessa swats his feet down and puts his glass on a coaster.

“Well that’s actually what I’m here for,” Charlotte smiles, sips her drink, and places it down on a mat. “I’ve just caught my husband in my bed…” she pauses, a pained look on her face.

“What’s so bad about that?” Jimmy says, confused.

“He was in bed with my friend.”

“Ah. Awkward.”

Vanessa tries not to laugh and covers her chuckle with a cough as she lays back
.
Jimmy sits forward, trying to predict the point to this conversation. “What’s this got to do with us? Unless…” he looks over at Vanessa and she splutters her drink.

“Of course not, what do you take me for?” she crosses her arms and looks insulted.

Charlotte laughs and sits back a bit more comfortably. “No, not with Vanessa. It concerns you because I own a two-bedroom house, and it’s just too big for me on my own. I bought the house before I married Simon, but if it’s still part of my possessions when we get divorced, I'm concerned he’ll get half of it, so I’m intending on selling it to try and stop him from taking any of it. He can't force me out of a smaller home but he can argue that the house is too much for just me.”

Vanessa and Jimmy watch her intently.

“So you want us to buy it off of you?” Jimmy asks, taking a sip of his drink and frowning towards the stranger across the room. He lights a cigarette and continues to listen.

“Not at all,” she replies, “I want you to swap with me.”

Vanessa and Jimmy look at Charlotte dumbstruck
.
“You want to swap your house, for our apartment?” Vanessa blurts out.

“That’s exactly what I want.”

Jimmy looks at Vanessa in confusion.

Vanessa shrugs and stands up, walking over to the windowsill. She sits down and faces Charlotte.

“You do realize this apartment is going to be valued at way less than your house right? We can’t afford that kind of money,” she says, twiddling with the sash holding the curtains back.

“I wouldn’t want anything extra. This apartment must be valued around at least €140,000. My house is valued at €305,000. If I have to give Simon half of that, I’d only get around €152,000 minus solicitors and estate agent’s fee’s and he’d have half of what I worked so hard to achieve when I was younger. When your mother started telling me that you want to start a family and find a bigger home, I figured I could help you, have a smaller home for myself, and Simon wouldn’t get a penny from it,” Vanessa frowns at the sound of starting a family. All she could think about all day was Jimmy’s recent dreams.

“It’s a great offer Charlotte, but are you sure? You could sell the house before you get divorced and get nearly double the profit,” Jimmy urges, wondering where the cameras are hidden and when Jeremy Beadle is going to jump out from behind the curtains.

“The divorce will be finalized by the beginning of next month. That’s not even long enough for viewings, let alone a sale. I'd never find an apartment in time, and Simon would find a way to get his hands on the cash if I sell it straight out. You don’t have to decide right now, give it some thought and give me a ring, but it has to be within a couple of weeks otherwise it won’t go through in time if you do decide to take me up on the offer.”

Vanessa looks out of the window at the grubby houses opposite. It has started raining since Charlotte came over and the floor outside is soaking wet.

Jimmy finishes his cigarette and stubs it out in the ashtray next to his armchair.

“I best go now, or I won’t get home ‘cause I’ll have fallen asleep at the wheel. Think about it, yeah?”

Vanessa nods and hugs her old friend goodbye. Jimmy shakes her hand once again and walks the girls to the front door.

“Thanks for coming over Charlotte. I’ll be in touch,” Vanessa smiles before shutting the door.

They walk back into the front room together and collapse on the sofa. Jimmy wraps his arms around her shoulders and pulls her head against his chest, taking in the beautiful smell of her freshly washed hair.

“What do you think, is it worth going and seeing the house?” she says, looking up at Jimmy and grinning.

He kisses her nose softly and smiles.

“I think it might just be worth a visit.”

Vanessa smiles and closes her eyes, giddy with excitement.


The next morning, after anxiously waiting for it to be a more "decent" time, she phones Charlotte and asks for a date and time that she will be available to show them around the house and they settle for the following Saturday.
Vanessa looks at the calendar and finds today’s date. Sunday the 5th. That gives them a little under a week to decide whether they really want to move away from the home that has been the only one they have shared with each other and has been their sanctuary the past 4 years.


Opening the window in the living room, Jimmy breathes in deep. Finally on holiday from work he has some spare time to get a bit of work done around the apartment. Even though he’s still not sure if he and Vanessa will feel comfortable with moving out of their apartment, he decides it’s best to get a few repairs done just in case.
Vanessa left a note earlier in the morning before she left for work with a list of things to do, signing with a smiley face at the bottom to let him know she’ll be thinking of him.
He smiles thinking back to the note, and wonders if she is actually thinking about him right this second.

“Right what’s first?” Jimmy mutters, picking up the note and grabbing a pencil.

‘Fix the kitchen tap, plaster the bedroom wall behind the door, new door handle on kitchen door, new kitchen door…’

“Bloody hell Vanessa, do you think I’m superman?” he mumbles again, strapping his tool belt around his waist. “I think I’ll start with an easy one.”

He decides on fixing the curtain pole in the living room as it sounds likely to only involve the least dangerous tools of the lot; hopefully leading to less personal damage than any other DIY job’s Vanessa’s had him doing in the past. Pushing his stepladder up to the window, he climbs up with drill in hand and moves the curtain pole slightly. Vanessa’s quick fix last month involved so much blu TAC that the pole is probably stuck to the wall stronger now than it ever could be with screws.
Tugging gently he tries to free the pole from the wall but the idea fails when the paint starts to crack off of the walls.

“Well done love, you’ve officially turned blu TAC into super glue,” he whispers, chuckling quietly to himself.

Deciding to give it one last try, he hangs the drill in his belt, grabs the pole with two hands and closes his eyes
.
“Come on ya bastard, COME…DOWN!” he shouts, but suddenly the stepladder begins to wobble dangerously backwards, and with a loud thud, Jimmy lands on the floor.

“There HAS to be an easier way,” he shouts, slamming the drill down on the floor and walking into the kitchen to get a much-needed coffee.

Just as he's about to pour the water into the cup when the telephone rings with such an almighty noise that he misses the cup and floods the worktop.

“Bugger,” he announces with annoyed frustration at not getting his coffee. “What?” he says, sighing loudly down the phone.

“Bad day, love?” the voice answers back.

“Hello Emily. It’s not going too good so far, no. Everything seems to be either stuck where it shouldn’t, or not where it should be. But I’m going to assume you’re not phoning to listen to me whine?”

“No not today Jimmy, is my daughter about?”

“She’s at work, anything I can help with?” he says, trying to pour water into his coffee cup and stir it with one hand on the telephone.

“Not really. I got a text message about half an hour ago saying I had to call her, and it was urgent. But then again, I can’t understand this damned phone at the best of times, so knowing me, it was probably from my gynaecologist.”

“I can try and call her if you’d like?” Jimmy responds, trying to get off of the subject of his girlfriends mother’s intimate examinations.

“That’d be great. I don’t know how I’m ever going to work this phone out.”

“Give up, I would. At your age nothing can be learnt,” he blurts out.

“That’s enlightening Jimmy. Remember you’ll be my age one day,” Emily chuckles.

“They’ll have invented a cure for it by then,” he replies, sipping his coffee before realizing he hasn’t added sugar.

“Nice prospect. I’ll call back tonight when Vanessa’s back. I hope your day improves.”

“Me too Emily, or else my sanity will quickly disappear. See ya,” he says, before hanging up and sweetening his coffee.

He picks up the phone and dial’s Vanessa’s cell phone. Getting no answer he tries her work phone. After getting the engaged tone a few times, he decides the DIY can wait, and grabs his jacket and keys and shutting the door behind him he makes his way down town, leaving his coffee behind.



“No George, the girl on the front is too thin! What does she eat, like half a stick of gum a day? That’s not beauty, that’s an illness,” Vanessa shouts, before storming off into her office.

Jimmy walks into the big clean room, and jumps at the loud beep made by the automatic door opening. Looking behind him and stumbling over his feet he makes his way forward.

”Can I help you?” the young lady at the desk asks politely without even glancing up at Jimmy. Her face is heavily pierced and her hair looks like it hasn’t been its natural shade in god knows how long. She is the type of girl that obviously spends her evenings hidden in a dark room listening to trash metal, or at least pretending she does.

“Can I speak to Vanessa?” he replies, bending down so his face is in her view.

“Oh hello Mr. Connor, I’ll just get her for you.”

The young girl stands up and makes her way through the double glass doors behind her and into a smaller office with black leather sofas. He looks down at her skirt, or lack of skirt, and shudders. He noticed a ring around her wedding finger as she got up and is trying to decide whether it’s a statement she’s putting across, or whether there is actually someone out there crazy enough to marry her.
He averts his eyes to the pot plant on the floor by the doors as she slowly saunters back in and sits back at her desk.

“She’ll be right here,” she informs Jimmy, before pushing her headphone back in her ear and relaxing backwards.

Jimmy looks up and sees Vanessa looking out from her office, gesturing for him to come in.
He looks down at the girl and sees her eyes are closed, so feels no need to bid her farewell. He walks into Vanessa’s office and sits himself down on one of the large sofas domineering one half of the room.

“Why do you keep that girl here? She’s atrocious,” Jimmy asks, leaning back into the sofa and sighing comfortably.

“She has her good sides,” Vanessa replies, rushing her way through some paper work on her desk
.
“I doubt it," Jimmy mumbles. "Lost something?” he asks, with a sarcastic look on his face.

“Some receipts for some stuff bought last week. If I don’t find them I won’t get the money back I paid for them.”

“Ah,” Jimmy nods, watching her panic and smiling at her frustration.

“So why are you here? What happened to the repairs?”

“I err, finished them all?” he smiles innocently, knowing she wouldn’t believe him.

“Nice try.”

“Actually your mom rang, and amongst the talk of gynaecologists she managed to get across the point that you wanted her to call you.”

“Gynaecologists?" she mutters, one eyebrow raised up towards the sky.

"Don't ask," Jimmy shakes his head
.
"Right, so she decides that instead of using the phone right next to my desk, she would phone you and get to you deliver me a message to call her? God she knows how to make a drama out of nothing.”

“Yeah well even I couldn’t get through to you, so if she’s on the slow train, I'm not far behind her,” he grins.

Vanessa smiles and puts all the paperwork down and sits on Jimmy’s lap.

“Why don’t you take the day off and come home with me?” he asks her, pulling her close to him.

“I have a doctor’s appointment in a little bit. I was thinking of coming home after that.
”
“Oh. I don’t remember that.”

Vanessa stands up and walks over to the window.

“That’s because I never told you.”

Jimmy stands up and walks over to her. He wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her towards him, turning her round gently so he can kiss her soft lips.

“What’s wrong?”

She grins and kisses his nose.

“Absolutely nothing, I hope. I’ve just been feeling queasy that’s all. I’m assuming it’s probably stress.”

Jimmy glances at the clock on the wall. “More than likely is. What time is your appointment?”

“In just over thirty five minutes.”

Jimmy bites his lip and looks down at Vanessa.

“That’s just about the right time to grab something to eat before hand then isn’t it.”

Before she can protest, Jimmy grabs her around the waist and throws her over his shoulder. He grabs her handbag and keys and walks out of the office with a giggling Vanessa squirming about on his shoulder.
The young girl from reception had obviously fallen asleep just after Jimmy went into Vanessa’s office, as her head has fallen onto the back of her chair and she has her mouth wide open. Pressing stop on her CD player and shocking her back to consciousness, Jimmy smiles at her.

“Vanessa has some... important business to attend to. You can lock up tonight.”

The girl looks at Vanessa’s legs flailing about helplessly and nods at Jimmy before he walks out of the office.