We Knew

We knew…


Life as we knew it was over when they found out.  It was supposed to be a secret, but someone must have told.  We searched amongst ourselves for the guilty culprit, eyes gliding swiftly from face to face.  All our eyes glazed brightly with not a glimpse of shame or red eye, but all were guilty.  Surely we were good or we were bad.  We almost fooled ourselves.  If only there were some other possibilities.


As the punishment was meted out, we tried to determine if anyone got fewer or appeared to get fewer lashes. It might have worked and we might have figured it out, but once you start feeling the sting of the welts you lose all ability to count, at least, all ability to count any lashes other than the ones splitting your upper back.  And the screams of your brethren and the strange gesticulations accompanying the high-pitched screams drown out all rational thought.  Laughing at someone dancing a dance not their own would not be appreciated.  And if you could feel pity for them, instead of remorse that the punishers were not exhausted, maybe there would be a place for you in Heaven.


As we gathered together our shredded clothing and draped it across our exposed spoiled skin, the unwarranted and unwanted tinge of distraction crept back in.  Life was hard and there appeared no easy way to escape it.  The only thing to do now was run swiftly, continue to wail and cry, and hope the performance distracted all from the obviously embarrassed grasping for clothing.


That night, we whispered amongst ourselves that we had been lucky, even though we tried not to focus on the fact that none of us could sleep on our backs, few our sides and all uncomfortably lay with our now recently tenderized surfaces exposed for further abuse.  The risk was not lost upon us.  The night would be long, but sleep would be brief and the sun would shine despite or to spite us.


The scary part, and we did not discuss it, was that we knew not who amongst us had told.  It had been difficult knowing who the enemy was, but now not knowing who had joined them was worse.  Who could accept such punishment and what could possibly be the reward for such everlasting treachery?


The next few days were spent mainly in silence with all avoidance of collusion.  The punishers could be complicated, but we preferred simple cruelty.  We could not explain our simple acceptance, but we knew the appearance of it was more important than any unfulfilling act of defiance.  As it was, any acts of kindness were suspect, and the accrued costs too high to barter.  The remaining soul was far too expensive to risk, or so it appeared most of us thought so; all, that is, except the deceiver amongst us, most obviously.  If we were able to discuss the soulless one, most terms would involve blind darkness, cold, dry, and syrupy wet evil, all at the same time.  But not one of us could speak.


The suspicion lurking within us began to bubble to the surface, most often with incalculable rage at the merest slight.  The number of occurrences, too numerous for a simple abacus, finally broke the impasse, and all at once, the possibility of external treachery became crystal.  Could we simply have been victims of guesswork by our tormentors?  That solitary thought quickly made the rounds as we approached our wholly trusted, one brother, and one to the next.


Now that light could once again warm our skin and hope has been reborn, tears can fill the sky, so we don’t have to cry and brown leaves can cover the ground, so we don’t have to die.  We can go on.

The End…for now