A Cry in the Night

“We’re worried about you.”
I could see the pain in his eyes as he desperately tried to convey his message. I wanted to comfort him, to tell him that there was no need, but I could not speak the words that would release him from his pain. I was worried too.
Resigned, he sighed and bent to kiss my forehead, the pain intensifying in his eyes.
“I’ll be back as soon as my last class ends,” he said.
“Thanks for doing this, Jesse, really.”
“You know we’ll always be there for you, Amada.”
He walked swiftly from the room, closing the door silently behind him. A few moments later I heard him shut the back door as quietly as possible and turn the key in the lock. I turned over in the bed, nestling my head into his soft pillow, stifling a sob.
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I awoke a long while later to a soft knocking on the bedroom door. The red-tinted sun streaming in through the closed blinds told me it was early evening. I had had another fit as I had slept, and I could feel the effects from it on my face. I hastily tried to wipe away the dried tears and comb my fingers through my matted hair. I mumbled something unintelligible and heard the door open. It was not Jesse, as I had expected, but his eldest brother, Nate. I could tell from the look on his face that my attempt to better my appearance had failed.
“Oh, hi Nate,” I said warily. “I’m really sorry I woke you last night.”
“Heidi.” His expression echoed Jesse’s, with only a slight shadow of pain. The resignation was evermore present.
I wanted to apologize, to thank him for letting me stay even one night. It was more than I deserved. “Nate, I—”
He cut me off. “Heidi, you can’t do this. Not again.” He sighed, softening somewhat. “You know we all love you, and we’ll always be here, but seeing you like this, it’s breaking our hearts. I can’t even tell you what Jesse is going through.” He paused, remembering. “He was so torn up last night. He refused to leave your bedside, even after you quieted down. We were all so worried. I don’t ever want to see him hurting like that again.” There was an unintentional threat in his words.
“I know, Nate…” I struggled to find meaningful words. “I know.”
“Look, he’ll be home in an hour, and James is coming with him. I’d like you to eat dinner with us. And please try to look happy. No,” he seemed to rethink his wording. “Just try not to look like your suffering so much.”
I said, “Of course, Nate, I’ll just go take a shower.”
As he strode towards the bedroom door, I called his name once more. When he turned to face me, his eyes softened and he said, “Yeah, honey?”
“Thank you,” I said in a strained whisper.
He gave me a small smile and left the room.
I rose stiffly from the bed, struggling to push the covers from my body. They had tangled around me as I slept, sweat-soaked and nightmarish. I walked to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I looked like I had risen from the grave. My hair was matted and frizzy from the sweat. My face was red and blotchy while my eyes were bloodshot from the extended sobbing. Turning away from my reflection, I undressed and stepped into the shower. The blood on my ribcage was crusted and dark, and I washed it away, trying to avoid thinking about it.
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As I walked into the dining room, dressed in one of Jesse’s oversized button-up shirts and a pair of old jeans, the smell of pasta filled my nostrils and my stomach rumbled. I realized I hadn’t eaten anything in almost two days.
Jesse walked over from the kitchen, where he was buttering the breadsticks, and wrapped his strong arms around my shoulders. He was so large and warm. I closed my eyes, breathing in his comforting scent. He let go all too soon and I was suddenly grasped in James’ bear hug.
“Okay, guys, let her sit,” Nate said, entering the dining room with a large bowl of pasta sauce. “I bet your starving,” he said, turning to me.
I nodded and took my usual place at their oak table. Nate loaded my plate and I began to eat ravenously as they stared openmouthed.
“I guess you’re feeling better then, Heidi?” Jesse asked, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth.
“Yes. I love being here with you guys.” So true.
His eyes were almost clear of the ache that had filled them that morning. As my heart throbbed with pain, his fearful expression from the previous night flashed across my vision.
After no one had answered my desperate knocking, I had sat on the front steps, gripping my knees to my chest and sobbing. Jesse had found me, soaked from the rain, rocking back and forth and whimpering. He had picked me up in trembling arms and carried me to his warm bed. He would not allow his brothers to enter the room, and insisted everything could wait until the next day.
I hated to intrude upon their comfortable life here in Forest Heights. But “here” is where I always seemed to end up. The loft they shared was always clean and relaxed, and there was always something good to eat. All three worked hard, and as often as possible, to support themselves. Jesse and I had attended Southeastern University together, before I had left. They didn’t need to work, their parents had plenty of money, but all three insisted on earning their own living as best they could.
After my third helping, I pushed my chair back, picked up my plate, and headed to the kitchen. After placing the dish in the dishwasher, I stood, staring at my reflection in the black window. My dark hair, darker from the wetness of the shower, hung limply, reaching a few inches below my shoulders. My face was pale, but there were crimson scratches—self-inflicted—scattered about it. My lips stood apart from my face, a darker red still than the cuts, due to the countless number of times I had bit into them. I stared at my dull eyes, trying to summon the strength to face the brothers once again. I could hear hushed voices issuing from the outside the kitchen. I didn’t wonder about the subject of their whispers. Finally, I forced myself to return to the dining room and sat down.
The three men exchanged a foreboding look and James and Nate rose from the table, heading up the stairs.
I looked down at my lap, trying to avoid Jesse’s probing gaze. I felt, more than heard, him stand, then his soft hand was under my chin as he lifted it to look into my eyes.
They were gentle and made me feel trusting, vulnerable. I wanted to tell him everything, but I knew I could not allow myself to give in.
“Amada. Don’t hide. I know you don’t want to tell me what happened, but you can’t hide from me. I see the fear in your eyes, as if you’re afraid that when we leave, we won’t come back. You’re terrified to be alone. Last night, as you slept, you screamed and cried out and I thought you must be awake. But you weren’t, you were having nightmares about something so terrible, I can’t even…” His let his voice fade, then began again. “You would cry and plead and I was scared to leave you. I was afraid you would wake up and I wouldn’t be there.”
He paused, struggling to continue.
“Please… tell me what is going on.”
I took a deep breath.
“Jesse… I’m so scared… I can’t…” My voice faded.
“What are you afraid of? What can’t you do?” Jesse asked, panic clear in his tone.
“I can’t stay here, Jesse,” I finally said.
“Yes, you can. You can stay here as long as you need to,” he insisted, brushing my words aside.
“No, I can’t! You don’t understand! It’s not safe!”
“What’s not safe!?” He almost looked angry now. “Make me understand!”
I looked into his deep brown eyes, wishing I could return the peace that was usually there.
“No.” I was firm. It would be better if he never knew.
“Tell me. Whatever it is, tell me. Did you dream of it last night? You thrashed in your sleep, it was as if you were being attacked.”
Before I could close my mind, it all came rushing back. The gleam of the knife, the anger and determination in the familiar eyes. The way I pleaded to be let go, kicked and scratched for release. But my weak body, frail from weeks of worry and terror, was no match for his. It never had been. I was overcome.
As my mind raced back to the present, my body collapsed into numbness.
I awoke a few seconds later, sobbing into Jesse’s arms.
“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have come!” I struggled to separate myself from him and stand up.
“No,” he said calmly, gripping my shoulders. “No way. You’ll stay here tonight. We’ll work it out in the morning. You will tell me.”
I had no more strength left. Exhausted, I let him half-carry me to his bed and tuck me in. He laid down on top of the covers beside me, putting his arm around me in a silent promise.
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I awoke sometime in the very early morning. A glance at the clock told me it was shortly after midnight. Jesse lay asleep beside me with his arm still wrapped around my shoulders. Regretfully, I wriggled from his embrace and tiptoed out of the bedroom toward the stairs. I crept down to the kitchen as quietly as I could and was near the front door when I heard someone clear his throat behind me. I whipped around and was surprised to see James standing in the dining room entrance. My shoulders slumped in defeat as he turned around, gesturing for me to follow. I trailed slowly after him. When he sat down at the table, I followed suit.
“I hope you weren’t planning to leave again,” he said, his eyes carefully evaluating my expression.
“No, of—of course not,” I stuttered.
“Right,” he said, disbelieving. Then, his expression softened and he said, “You can’t leave. You know how much it will hurt Jesse.”
“I know, James,” I said, “but I have to. Besides, Nate has already given me this lecture.”
“I’m not trying to lecture you, Heidi. But you need to know how it is. When you left last time, Jesse was broken. He didn’t know whether you had left him by choice or not. He didn’t know whether or not you wanted him to follow. He was so terrified that something was wrong. But, with your stupid note, he was forced to conclude that you had left of your own accord. He let you go.”
His words ripped into me. I could feel, even now, the pain I had caused his brother.
The note I had left had been a complete and utter lie. I had tried to spare Jesse’s feelings, though I knew that would be impossible.
My mind flashed back to that night, returning home for only a few short minutes, trying to come up with a reason for leaving. I remembered the way my hand shook uncontrollably as I wrote a short explanatory note:

Jesse—
I’m not sure what I want right now, and I need to figure some things out. Sorry to leave without saying goodbye. Don’t wait for me.
Heidi

But I knew that that pain had to be better than the pain I would cause him if he knew the truth.
“James, you don’t—”
“Yeah. I know. I don’t understand. Whatever, Heidi.” I could see the anger in his eyes. “You are the one who doesn’t understand. He loves you! We all love you, but for him it’s different. You broke him, and only you can make him whole again. He is in love with you. And I know that you’re in love with him, too,” he finished resolutely.
The finality and truth of his words pounded in my head. At that moment, I was filled with a terrible kind of anger. I should never have let it get this far. I was cruel, I hated myself.
“You can’t even deny it,” James said. I hung my head in shame.
“Heidi, go back upstairs, go to sleep, and when you wake up in the morning, pretend you never tried to leave. And I’ll be here all night, so don’t try anything.”
I pushed my chair back from the table and stood up. As I headed back up the stairs, I heard James whisper, “You owe him an explanation, Heidi, at least.”
He was right. I owed Jesse much more than an explanation. I owed him everything.
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I woke up to screaming sobs a few hours later. For a few moments, I was frightened, but then I realized I was the one screaming and stopped abruptly. The searing pain near my ribcage told me I had, once again, gripped my body so tight that my fingernails had drawn blood.
“Amada! Amada, are you okay? You were screaming. You kept yelling that it was ‘him.’ ‘He’ was coming. When I tried to wake you, you wouldn’t let me near you.” We both looked down at his forearms, where the scratches from my nails bled.
“Oh, Jesse, I’m so sorry!” I cried. “I’m so, so sorry.”
“I don’t care! Who was it?” he asked, though I could see in his eyes that he already knew.
“I just—I—I—” I didn’t know what to say. “He’s the reason I have to leave.”
“What?” His forehead creased in worry and his dark eyes deepened.
“As long as I’m here, you’re in danger. You’re all in danger.” I attempted to get up from the bed, but Jesse held me back.
“Bullshit. You can’t expect me to just accept that,” he said, his eyes flashing dangerously.
“But you have to! The more you know, the more danger you’re in!” I yelled, desperate to convince him.
“Amada, no. No. Just tell me the truth. Please?” His pleading voice was muddled with pain.
James’ words from the previous night’s conversation came back to me. I owed Jesse the truth.
“Okay,” I said.
“Okay?” he asked.
“Yes, okay. I’ll tell you. But not here. Let’s go.”
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Jesse and I had met when we were ten years old, attending the same elementary school. He later confessed to having loved me since our first conversation. But I didn’t know it in that moment. In that moment, all I knew was that he saw past my hand-me-down clothes and sad face. For the longest time, we had been friends. We had dated other people throughout our primary school days, always returning to each other when nothing else worked out. Though Jesse had always loved me, I hadn’t realized that I was in love with him until our junior year in high school. Since then, we couldn’t stand to be apart.
My school life was a dream, thanks to Jesse. But my home life was another story. On my ninth birthday, I was taken out of my father’s abusive home and put into foster care. Unfortunately, it was then that my situation went from bad to worse. After two weeks with my foster family, my surrogate father, John, began a four-year-long routine of sexually abusing me. Finally, when I was thirteen, Jesse’s parents stepped in and rescued me. I had lived with them until the age of eighteen as a happy, normal teenager. They even gave me a job working at their bakery, from which I saved every penny. Jesse’s parents had moved back to Colorado after his high school graduation, where they had spent five years before the birth of their first son.
Up until a month ago, I had continued living with Nate, James, and Jesse, paying my way through college with a bank loan and the money I earned at the bakery. I had finally recovered from my horrible past, and was living a life I had never thought possible during those dark years.
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In our last year of high school, Jesse and I would drive around, looking for incredible places where we could be alone. We found quite a few, but there was one place in particular that was perfect for us. It was located a few miles from Forest Heights, down a winding dirt road, among grassy hills that I was convinced had been abandoned. When we neared the end of the road, Jesse pulled over and turned off the truck’s engine. We sat in the car for a few minutes, looking straight ahead, until he jumped out and shut the door behind him. I opened my door and stepped out. Jesse came around the truck, offered me his hand, and we set off along the grassy path. The boulder to which we were headed, though it appeared smooth as we approached, had almost perfectly shaped steps carved into one side. We climbed up, and, upon reaching the top, sat down. The view was amazingly beautiful. We spent most of the day there, silently, and I found myself wishing we would never have to leave.
After a very long while, I broke the silence.
“It was a little more than a month ago. I was walking back from the bakery after my shift. It was your night to close, but I was having a tough night and I just wanted to get back to your place and go to bed. James and Nate were both out. You remember.” I paused.
He nodded. “That was the night you disappeared.”
“Yes. He followed me after work. Actually, I think he had been following me for weeks. I was near the bridge, about halfway between the loft and the bakery. He had a knife. And—he—” I couldn’t go on. My eyes filled with tears and I began to tremble.
“Who was it?” he asked, his eyes filled with sorrow.
“It was John. Of course, it was John,” I said.
“Amada.” His deep eyes were filled with sorrow. “No more. I—I understand now.”
“No, Jesse, no, you don’t. He’s insane. Something’s changed. He seems to think we should be together. He threatened you. He said he’d find me again, and anyone standing in the way was…was…” I broke down into fresh sobs. I felt Jesse’s arms wrap around me in a tight embrace. When I looked up into his eyes again, I was surprised to see them filled with rage.
“He…is…dead. I’m going to kill him.”
“Jesse, no! No! Please. Just stay out of it. Please, I’m begging you. I thought you would understand. I won’t lead him to you. To your brothers. I’m leaving,” I said.
“You expected me to hear this and do nothing? You think I can just sit here, while you risk your life?” His eyes were softening again. “Impossible. You aren’t leaving.”
I stood up and started down the stone steps. “Yes, I am. And no one will stop me.”
He jumped off the boulder, disregarding the steps, and followed me back to the truck. “You’re not leaving!” he said more sternly.
“Watch me,” I said as I climbed into the truck, slamming the door. He climbed in after me and put on his seatbelt. Without a word, I turned the key in the ignition and we began the drive back to the loft.
When we reached the house, we sat in the vehicle, silently fuming.
At last, he said, “Why did you come back?”
“He…found me again. A couple days ago,” I said.
He turned his dark, startling gaze upon me.
“How did you escape?” he asked.
“I didn’t,” I said. “He let me go. ‘One more chance,’ he said.”
“Amada.” It was a whisper so full, so fierce, it frightened me.
And then his mouth was on mine, our lips molded together so perfectly. The fierceness in his touch was overpowering. Protective. I found no resistance. I felt his fingers tangle in my hair. My own arms wrapped around him. Somewhere in the back of my mind I realized I couldn’t let this happen. Finally, I was able to push him away.
“I can’t,” I said.
“I’m sorry,” he said, the pain twisting in his eyes.
“No, it’s not you. You’re perfect,” I said, almost smiling. The feelings I had been able to move past, so long ago, had returned. I felt tainted, ruined. I couldn’t bear the idea of contaminating Jesse’s inherent pureness.
“You think there’s something wrong with you.” It wasn’t a question.
When I didn’t deny it, he kissed me again. This time it was more tender, yet still full of passion. I let myself melt into him. I felt more safe than I had in what seemed like a very long time.
“Jesse.” I extracted myself from his arms.
“Yes, Amada.”
“What do I do?”
“For now? Forget.”
So I did. I let myself forget everything I was getting myself into, everything I had already gotten myself into. I forgot the pain and the terror. In forgetting, I was able to remember everything I had ever felt with Jesse. Then, I was able to feel more. The ferocity with which we clung to each other was such that I had never known before with anyone. I felt every soft touch and every sweet kiss. I could not tell if it was he or I who was trembling, but it did not matter. I felt everything he felt. We were no longer separate.
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Before long, we heard a car door slam that meant either James or Nate had returned home. We pulled away from each other hastily.
“Maybe we should go inside,” Jesse said, a slight blush rising in his cheeks.
I gave him a small smile. It had always been amusing to me how reserved he was.
“It’s not like they don’t know everything, Jesse,” I said.
He blushed even more deeply. “Not everything,” he reminded me.
“Okay, let’s go,” I said, hopping out of the truck.
We met at the front of the cab and I grabbed his hand.
“Amada, wait,” Jesse said, pausing on our way to the door.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Is it okay if I tell them what you told me today?” he asked cautiously.
I sighed. “Just not with me there, okay?”
“Okay.”
We entered the house to find both James and Nate in the kitchen, preparing another meal. They ceased talking abruptly as Jesse and I walked in, hand in hand.
“Hey,” James greeted us.
“Hi,” I said, shy after our last meeting.
“Why don’t you go take a shower,” Jesse said to me, meaningfully.
“Alright,” I agreed. I was a little surprised he wanted to discuss it with his brothers right away. But I did need to shower, after all.
I walked upstairs, taking my time. But as soon as I reached the bathroom, I undressed and showered at top speed. I exited the bathroom as quietly as I could, and bent my knees atop the stairs, hidden from view.
“…what she’s going to do?” I heard Nate’s voice.
“She’s going to leave,” Jesse said, sure of this fact.
“No, we won’t let her,” James said.
“Look, I know Heidi, and she’ll do what she has to, especially if she thinks it will keep you safe, Jesse,” Nate said.
I peeked around the corner to see Jesse nodding his head in agreement. At least they understood what was going to happen.
“So what should we do?” Nate asked, appealing to Jesse.
“I say we find that—” Jesse began heatedly.
“No. That’s out of the question,” Nate said rigidly. “Don’t be stupid.”
“Fine,” Jesse said obstinately. “Maybe we’ll have to leave, go somewhere.”
I winced; pained he would even consider leaving his perfect life behind for something so unworthy as I was.
“We can’t, Jesse. We have lives here. We can’t just pick up and move. And what if he finds her again? We can’t run forever,” Nate, always the voice of reason, said. He glanced up to where I was standing, and I pulled my head back around the corner, praying he hadn’t seen me.
“Who said anything about us?” Jesse wanted to know. “Heidi and I will leave. We’ll start a new life together.” I heard a smile in his voice and it broke my heart. “You two will be safe here, and she and I will be undetectable.”
“No.” I peeked around the corner again, unable to resist. Nate’s fists were clenched, but Jesse’s expression was filled with determination. James was watching them both, his eyes flickering between the two of them.
“You can’t control what we do, Nate. I’m an adult, she’s an adult. You have no control over us.” I couldn’t believe they were even discussing the idea of leaving, let alone fighting over it.
“I know I can’t control you. But I can’t just let you go without a fight. You’ll get yourselves killed.”
They stood, seething, and I decided this might be a good time to break in. I didn’t like them trying to plan out my whole future without even consulting me. I tiptoed back to the bathroom, and closed the door loudly. Then I walked down the steps, careful to make just the right amount of noise.
All three men looked up at me, dressed in more of Jesse’s clothes, with blank faces.
“Hey,” Jesse said tenderly.
“Hey,” I said, walking into his welcoming arms. James and Nate both turned away and headed back to finish setting the table.
“Okay?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said, kissing my forehead. “Let’s eat.”
Dinner was quiet. Once again, I was starving, having missed both breakfast and lunch. The clatter of silverware echoed in my brain as the tense atmosphere somewhat diluted my appetite.
When we finished, Jesse and I headed upstairs to his room. I laid on the edge of his bed, near the wall. We sat up beside me, leaning on the headboard.
“Do you want me to leave so you can sleep?” he asked.
“No, I’m not ready to sleep, yet,” I answered, looking up and losing myself in his liquid eyes.
“Oh. Okay, then what—”
“Kiss me?” He leaned in and our lips met. He grabbed my waist to pull me closer, but pulled his hand back as if he had been burned when I let out an involuntary gasp of pain.
“What is it?” he asked, concerned.
“Just scratches,” I said, failing to sound nonchalant.
“Scratches,” he said, a strange expression on his face. “Do you mean like these?” he asked, holding out his forearms. We both looked at the scabs now forming over the damage my fingernails had done just that morning.
“Yes,” I said. And I lifted my shirt slightly to show him my ribcage, where there were already scars beginning to form.
Jesse shook his head, disbelieving.
“It’s not a big deal,” I said as I let my shirt fall.
“It is a big deal,” Jesse said earnestly. “I’m not leaving you tonight. I won’t let you suffer those terrible nightmares any more.”
“No, Jesse, that’s okay,” I insisted. “I can sleep alone. I’ve slept alone for over a month. Obviously, I’ll be fine.”
“Obviously not,” Jesse corrected, indicating my stomach. “Just let me do this, Amada, please.”
His looked so helpless, I couldn’t deny him anything that might return the happy light to his eyes. Besides that, I would never admit it to him, but I was terrified to sleep without him.
I sighed, closing my eyes and resting my head on his chest as he stroked my hair.
“Heidi?” He rarely used my name when we were alone.
“Mmm?”
You were planning to leave tonight?” he asked, trying to keep his voice free of emotion, though I thought I heard the ghost of pain, as if he had a lump in his throat.
I stayed silent, with my eyes squeezed shut tight. I wished I could fall asleep so I wouldn’t have to answer his question.
“Please?” he asked.
I nodded my head infinitesimally. He said nothing for a moment, and I wondered if he had felt my answer.
“Okay,” he said finally. “I guess I knew that. But you should know, too, that I’ll do everything I can to stop you.”
A tear escaped my quivering eyelids, though I was able to hold the sobs back. I was going to leave him, again. And he was going to blame himself, for failing to stop me. He let me cry myself out, noiselessly, soaking his shirt.
At last, we both fell asleep, my head still on his chest, under the sweet touch of his hand.
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I awoke around midnight, after a few hours of sleep. We had fallen asleep so early; it felt as if it should be much later. Jesse lay beside me, his both arms entwined around me.
I wriggled slowly from his grip. He sighed but did not wake. I rose from the bed and tiptoed from the room, with tears streaming from my eyes. I went to the desk in the hallway and struggled to write a note with my trembling hand. In the end, all I could manage was, “I’m sorry for everything. I love you.”
I crept back into the room, dropping the note on the place where I had slept and repeating the words written on the scrap of paper. I stood above him, sobbing silently, for a moment. “Goodbye,” I whispered. On my way out, I took some money from a wallet one of the brothers had left sitting upon the kitchen counter.
I left the house at a run, heading for the bus station. Tears were still flooding from my eyes, but I blinked, trying to run through the pain. It had hurt to see Nate, asleep at the dining room table. There was no doubt that Jesse would blame him, if only partially. He would mostly blame himself.
I covered my mouth rather than release a howl at the thought of this new wound I would cause him. I should never have returned. But somehow, having felt their love, his love, I felt stronger, more able to survive.
I reached the bus stop a few minutes later and sat down on the bench. No one else was waiting; I was completely alone. An involuntary shiver ran down my spine.
Luckily, the buses did run during the night in Forest Heights. Unfortunately, though, they only ran every two hours. I had another hour to wait until the next bus came. I sat upon the bench deep in thought as I tried not to fall asleep.
The bus arrived right on schedule. I climbed on and took a seat in the middle. There were two other people on the bus; one watched me with wary eyes as I sat down. The other was immersed in the view out the window. The ride was potholed, and I had no trouble staying awake. When the bus got to the airport, I clambered down the steps.
“Hello there.”
I whipped around and looked into the demon eyes. He was leaning casually against the doors to the airport. I looked back at the bus helplessly as it drove away.
“You knew it would happen, eventually,” John called to me.
Terror filled my mind and I couldn’t think clearly. Fight or flight? He could outrun me, I knew from experience. He could also overpower me.
Instinct took over and I took off, sprinting toward the empty parking lot.
“Don’t run, Heidi, you’ll only be more exhausted,” he yelled mockingly. “You know, I’m surprised you’re even bothering.”
He was right. I stopped running. I tried to remember the techniques I had learned so long ago in a high school defense class. Clap your hands over the ears, create enough pressure, rupture the eardrums. Stick your fingers in the eyes, gouge out the eyeballs.
“Ah,” he said as he approached me, “that’s much better. And you’ve even run near the car. You’re really making this much easier for me. Thank you.”
My jaw was clenched, my fists balled. I was strong. I was doing the right thing. No matter what happened now, Jesse would be safe.
“Finally left that boyfriend of yours?” he asked.
“I…I don’t know what you mean,” I stuttered.
“Oh, we’re going to play games, are we?” He was a mere ten yards away, I could see his features casting shadows upon his pale skin.
He closed the gap between us in a few sudden strides and seized my face in a vice-like grip. “You left him! He means nothing to you! But you returned to me. Now we can be together.” He smiled, deranged. The hold he had on my face was painful, but I didn’t let myself cry out. I stared into his eyes, ready. I would not beg, like last time. I would be strong. I would not cry and plead, and I refused to go without a fight.
“I…hate…you,” I said, trying to keep my voice from becoming shrill. It came out in a low whisper. “And we will never be together.” I spat into his face.
His hand slapped my face so fast that I didn’t see it until after I felt the sharp sting.
“Shut up you little shit!” he screamed hysterically. He grabbed my hair, wrenching my head back. I let out a small yelp of surprised pain in spite of myself.
“Sorry, about that,” he said, soft again. “I don’t know why you resist so much, Heidi. You know we’re supposed to be together.”
He traced my exposed throat with his fingers. “Your skin is so beautiful.”
As he bent to kiss my neck, I couldn’t bare the contact any longer. I forced my knee forward and up, right into his crotch. He didn’t release me, however.
“You bitch!” he yelled, and threw me against the nearest car. “Get in the fucking car!”
I tried to push myself from the car but my head was spinning and I felt too weak to move, let alone fight for my life.
He pinned me to the car with his body. “Where is he, huh?” he whispered low into my ear. “Too afraid to face me?”
“Wh—who?” I asked, trying to keep my face blank.
“You know who, damn it!” he screamed.
I winced from the ringing in my ears and the pain of his grip around my neck. He let go, putting his hands instead around my waist and lifted me up against the car.
“That’s better,” he said. It was then that I realized he possessed no weapon, at least not that I could see. I pulled back my arm and let my fist snap into his face, hopefully breaking his nose.
“Arrgh!” he screamed, dropping me. I took off running towards the airport. Maybe someone would hear my screams.
He charged after me. “You aren’t getting away that easily, bitch!” He tackled me about 30 feet from the entrance doors.
I gasped in pain as my right arm hit the pavement, shattering. I screamed as he laid on top of me.
“Shut up,” he said, covering my mouth with his hand. I tried to bite it, but his grip was so tight I couldn’t control my jaw. I kicked my legs furiously as he struggled to unbutton my jeans.
As I was screaming for help, I heard a car screech and a door slam. I screamed louder, as loudly as my dry throat could manage under his hand.
“Heidi!” I heard, and though I felt relief deep within me, I also felt horror. No, leave, go, please! I wanted to yell.
It was Jesse. Jesse had come to save me.
I finally succeeded in sinking my teeth into the hand covering my mouth. John let go with a yelp, but used his free hand to rip up my shirt.
“Jesse, go back!” I yelled pointlessly as I tried to throw John off me. Suddenly, I felt him lifted from me. I looked around to see Jesse throw him down hard on the asphalt.
“Amada!” Jesse yelled, agony in his voice. I saw him crouch quickly before me and lean over, but just as rapidly, he was removed from my line of sight. Despite the pounding in my head, I stood quickly and saw Jesse pinned against the wall with John’s hand around his neck.
“Jesse!” I screamed. I ran over, wrapping myself around John’s arm, but he was too strong. He threw me back to the pavement. This time it was head-first. I barely had a chance to feel the pain before I blacked out.
I awoke a moment later, to Jesse’s strangled breathing and John’s shrill yells.
“She doesn’t want you!” he was shrieking. “She came to me! Leave us alone!”
“I’ve only ever wanted him,” I said as I rose woozily once again to my feet, my voice calm, but just loud enough for them both to hear. John turned, surprised to see me standing so quickly. Before he had a chance to recover his hold on Jesse, Jesse’s fist met with his face and there was a loud crunching sound. John fell to the ground, blood already poring from his nose.
“You…fucker…” he said, rising slowly to his feet and wiping the blood on his sleeve.
He started towards me, and I stood my ground.
“Get the hell away from her,” Jesse said, his eyes filled with a rage I had never seen before. To me he said calmly, “Heidi, run.”
He didn’t need to tell me twice. I sprinted to the truck Jesse had left running, and threw the gear shift into drive. Without thinking, I slammed my foot on the gas and heard the screeching of the tires as I felt the truck slam into John’s body, throwing him to the ground. Jesse stood on the side of the road, staring shocked at the place John had just been standing. I put the vehicle into park, opened the door, and fell from the cab. Jesse caught me before I hit the ground and I faded into nothingness.
“Amada,” I heard Jesse say a few moments later, his voice pulling me back from the darkness. “Wake up, honey, please, please, wake up.”
“Jesse,” I struggled to say. “Jesse.”
“Yes, yes, I’m here,” he said in a worried voice. I was finally able to open my eyes. All I could see were Jesse’s concerned eyes staring into mine, and the bruises on his neck. I felt his arms wrapped around me, supporting me.
“I’m sorry, Jesse…So sorry…Is he…dead?” I asked, unsure of what answer I wanted to hear.
“I—I think so,” Jesse said, and I saw him glance over his shoulder. “We need to move, honey. We need to call the police.”
“Jesse,” was all I could say.
I felt him wrap his arms around me and lift me, as if he were carrying a baby. I closed my eyes again; the movement made me feel nauseous. Without setting me down, Jesse walked through the entrance to the airport and approached a desk.
“Call the police,” he said to someone I didn’t bother opening my eyes to see.
“Sir?” a woman’s voice said.
“Just do it,” Jesse said, providing no further explanation.
“Jesse,” I moaned.
“Yes, Amada?” he asked as I felt him sit down.
“I love you,” I said as I felt myself drifting away again.
“I love you too,” he said, and I was swallowed, once again, by the darkness.
----------------------
I awoke in a bed in the middle of a quiet, unfurnished hospital room. There was a nurse, a friendly looking woman with gray hair, bustling about my bed. When she saw that I was awake, she rushed over and thrust a thermometer into my mouth.
“Oh good, you’re awake,” she said. “You’ve suffered quite a few injuries.”
“Jesse!” I tried to say around the thermometer.
“What, sweetie?” the nurse asked kindly.
I spit the thermometer out of my mouth.
Seeing this, the nurse started, “Oh wait, I need—”
“Jesse!” I said loudly. “Where is he?” I began to climb out of the bed, but the nurse pushed me back and shoved the thermometer back under my tongue. I didn’t resist. I had just realized how much pain I was actually in. My arm, of course, had shattered when I had fallen on it, and my head was pounding as if I had a concussion, or multiple concussions. I could also feel a sharp pain in my ribs, deep bruises on my neck, and my ankle felt sprained.
“Where is he?” I repeated.
“He is in his own room, right next door,” the nurse said calmly. “What a sweet young man. He refused to leave your side, though we insisted, of course, until he almost passed out himself.”
“What! Is he okay?” I was so worried, I tried to dismount the bed, in spite of the pain I could feel pounding through every inch of my body.
“Lay down,” the nurse said gently. “He’s doing fine. Much better than you are, I’d say.”
“Can I see him?” I asked, trying to sound polite.
“Well—” the nurse began to reply.
“Heidi.”
I turned my head from the nurse’s face and looked toward the only door leading from the room.
“Jesse,” I breathed. He stood in the doorway, already changed into street clothes. Tears sprung to my eyes as he stood, staring at me with a worried expression.
“I’ll just leave you two alone, then?” the nurse said, backing out of the room.
“Amada,” Jesse said as he walked toward my bed. “How do you feel?”
“I’m fine, Jesse! Are you okay? I was so worried! What happened?”
“Shhh,” he shushed me. “It’s okay, everything’s okay.” He sat down upon the bed next to me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. “It’s over now, Heidi. He’ll never bother you again.”
I pulled back to look into his eyes, and watched the tears form in them as I felt my own eyes feel with tears as well.
I said the only thing that seemed to sum up all I was feeling; the fear turned to relief, the anger at myself for putting Jesse and his brothers in danger, the gratitude I felt to them. “I—I love you.”