" How Can I Say This?"

      How Can I Say This

Sometimes I wish that I could write well,
every word stirring the way that I felt.
I wish I could say all the right things,
that would make my lovers heart  really sing.

God knows I've tried  so hard to love,
and only because it comes from above.
Somehow I never ,seem to get things  right,
and soft spoken words turn into fights.

So I run for the paper, and grab a pen,
that in case I forget, I'll write it again.
And the right words pour out, like sweat on a brow,
"she'll understand this time", it boosts my morale.

Then I fold up my arms, after all the entries,
only to feel my heart's still empty.
So back to my journal, with determination,
because I'm sure there is an explanation.

"Now it seems right, I've got it this time,
where's the envelope to mail this new rhyme?"
And one last examination, before sealing it shut,
always doubting if I have  said enough.

Put the stamp on the front, address and all;
then off to the mailbox, that hangs on the wall.
Behind curtains, I see the postman came,
"surely this will bring back love again."

I smile each day waiting for a reply,
but they come and go, and I never know why.
"What's taking so long, I've written so well?"
I think I've said all there is to tell.

And months went by,and still no answer,
so I got up the nerve to call and ask her.
"I love you and miss you, but I'm still not sure,"
So it's back to my pen and searching for words.

Oh how I wish I could say it right,
after all she was, the love of my life.
I never have felt so sure of this,
I knew it all after our first kiss.

And if this sounds a little bit like you,
you know what I mean, you love struck fool.
I can't say for you, but I have no regrets,
what little she gave me, was truly the best.

So until the day they stop making paper,
I'll continue to write these imperfect letters.
With hope that somehow, I'll find what to say,
write just the right words, just the right way.

And one day I know, the mailman will come,
I'll throw on my shoes, break into a run.
At the mailbox I'll pause, with  a tear in my eye,
Because I found the right words and my lover replied.

S A Gibbins