Horrible Random Thoughts

How the hell am I supposed to get your attention? I’m not going to set myself on fire, but I’m close to fumbling for some matches.

You’re biggest problem is ignorance. I would make you so happy, every day, for the rest of your life. I would be like a servant, but with personality. We would enjoy amazing conversations. I would cater to your every need and I would die defending you.

I would show you the definition of love. I would cradle your soul in my trembling arms see that you spend every moment of your life ensconced in happiness.

Of course, after a week or so of serving you, I would need a blowjob. And, it would be cool if you came and watched one of my floor hockey games.

I don’t mind hanging out with your friends every once and awhile, but do we have to see them every night? And, can I watch a baseball game without you treating me like I’m committing a crime?

And, for the love of God, could you please shut the cupboard doors when you take a fucking glass out? Do you not care that I keep slamming my forehead into the corner of the cupboard doors? And can you take a shower that doesn’t last longer than an Italian Wedding? And, just asking but, is that my phone too? Am I allowed to use that phone? I know I’m paying the bill, but it doesn’t say anywhere on that bill whether or not I’m actually allowed to use the phone. Maybe, you can tell me.

On second thought, this isn’t going to work out. You’re a swell girl, though. You’re aces.