Manifest Destiny of the Weak at Heart

Things in life I give a shit about……………….

Well here it is, Christmas Eve 2007 and I have a few Guinness's in me again as I sit and ponder on what makes me tick. Well fuck it; here it goes black and white style. In no particular order this is what I think about life in general.


I give a shit about life. I have to due to circumstance that were/are beyond my control. Life is something that happens to all of us regardless of what we want. Some people piss it away hating the fact that they have to participate and the rest of us never have long enough to complete what we set out to finish. It utterly amazes me that some people fuck it up time after time and keep being rewarded a second chance while others get snuffed out in an instance. Why? I fucking ask again, why? Well it comes down to two areas that affect me, work and not at work.


We will start at work. I am in a job where life is fairly simple. When the bell rings you stand a good chance that you will come back alive. You also stand a chance that shit goes wrong and you have to make a decision that affects you for the rest of your life. I have no problem with this for I think I am able to make the right decision. I have the ability to empathize with the guys I work with. I am them and they are me. I entered the fire department not knowing this but quickly understanding the style. It is now in my DNA. I will bleed what I am for the rest of my life as it will affect my non-work life. There are those however that do not get it.


They apparently are in it for themselves. I cannot explain how this drives a wooden spike into my spine and causes me great grief but it does. They do everything that they have been told will make them more money, make them supposedly important and be able to control those under them because they now have the un-earned ability to do so. They have no concept of death because they are racing towards it with open arms. They have the ability to make minimal decisions but are unable to make them in life or death situations. Someone will die because of their life hating ways. When I say life hating ways I mean they are not willing to end it themselves because they are cowards but welcome it when it comes.


I have an internal drive that never wants to quit. You might win but you will never beat me. This is just how it is, I cannot explain it but again, this is what makes me tick. What I am not able to do is impart this upon those I am talking about. You never seem to have to teach the new guys who share the same traits, they get it. It is however those who keep hanging on because they know nothing else in life to earn a living. Now, they are in positions to affect numerous people. I will never quit trying to make shit right so please keep out of my way if your style is in my path. I will run you the fuck over knowing what I am doing is right. I do have a non-work life also. Sometimes it feels missing but I know it is there.


I have to live life because some of those close to me are unable to. I live it because they cannot. I live it because nobody else will. I may have my mundane times in life but be sure I am thinking of them. Please don't get me wrong, I love the fact I breathe air, can do what I want and witness life and I try to do it right. I try to learn something new every day regardless of how small it may be. I live knowing the fact that someone in my family tried to live life out by beating cancer once and fighting it a second time but ending it on their own terms. This is what drives me. You cannot beat me.


If you are thinking of giving up, please think about it. I am not implying you are punching out but may be saying fuck it to some small part. You can beat whatever is winning. If you have the power to live then you have the power to win. I suppose in my work life I am saying to rise above those who cannot live or gave up on it. I am saying in non-work life to fucking claw, punch and fight your way through it because it is worth every living breath.


Love everything but never give it an inch.