Expired

                              Expired                Word Count 553

Entry for The Writer's Cramp. Prompt - You wake up in the morning to find that you’ve expired. No angels come calling. No trumpets are blown. You just find yourself dead. What is your day like? What are your thoughts?


    Aaargh! Ok, let’s try this again. Lift out of the body. Oh my god, I can’t believe I just said body. Oh my god! I can’t believe I just said oh my god. Now I’m going to hell for sure. But it is just a body now. No pulse, no breathing. Shouldn’t something be happening? Where are those golden or is it pearly gates or the bright lights through the tunnel? I must be doing something wrong.

    So what was it anyway? Heart attack? Aneurysm? Surely not, I’m only twenty two. I’m way too young to be dead of natural causes. That’s it, I was murdered but I think I would know if someone murdered me, right? And I don’t remember anything like that. It could have been one of those stories you hear about where this young person has lived his whole life with a heart defect without knowing it and suddenly drops dead. That has got to be it. Oh no, what if I have on my old panties? I can just see it now I’m lying in the morgue and everyone is trying not to be mortified for me in my granny panties. At least I had that bikini wax the other day.

    That’s my cell phone again! It’s got to be Cindy. “Cindy it’s me. CAN YOU HEAR ME?”

    Oh it’s no use. Nobody can hear me but me. Nobody even knows I’m dead yet. I could lie here for a couple of days until my decaying body reeks so badly that someone comes to investigate or at least until Cindy gets back today from her weekend trip with another loser. Won’t she be surprised? Good luck trying to get a new roommate to move in here after this.

    And what about Charlie my boyfriend? We were only dating for a couple of weeks but I could tell he was the one and I’m pretty sure he felt the same way. Cindy said she saw him checking out another girl at a club last week but I’m sure she had a few and it probably wasn’t even him at all. Now I’ll never know for sure if he was my one true love.

    Poor mom will be devastated. Being the youngest and the only one of five daughters who didn’t get married and pregnant and not necessarily in that order by the time they were twenty gave my mom hope and now I’m dead. And I didn’t even do that right because I’m stuck.

      OK, I get it. It’s like that movie where these random bunch of people die and miss their bus to heaven only they don’t realize it so they are just stuck with each other day after day, year after year, haunting some poor innocent guy. Only they weren’t stuck in their body. There has got to be a way to get out.

    Yoga! Only without the breathing. That’s got to work. I’ll just calm my mind and pretend to breathe in and out. I’m going to my happy place which right now would preferably be out of my body. Wait, something is happening. Yes, I’m actually lifting out. I can see my body lying on the bed. Is that really how my chin looks when I’m asleep? Urggh. Why didn’t someone tell me?