I Didn't Want to Bother God

The arrogance of me, I didn't want to bother God today.
I thought He might be too busy helping someone else,
as though I'm not important to Him

God does not make too hard of terms to those
who seek Him I am told.
So why don't I want to bother Him?
Could it be that I am unworthy or is it just that I feel that way?

Or maybe just maybe I haven't learned to forgive myself.
Oh I have asked God for forgiveness, asked others, made amends and restitution and done most of what I am supposed to do.
The self forgiveness or lack of it is a killer for this ex-drunk as it has been in many others.

The pastor at my church told me that I had been holding a prolonged funeral for my transgressions.
He advised me to bury them because they were starting to stink.
Advice well taken my dear Pastor and friend.

Forgiveness by my God is forever and I still at times don't want to bother Him.
It is I who deduce that I am a bother, everything else I read, believe and know tells me differently.
The arrogance of me again.

God loves it when I call upon Him.
He wants to be involved in my life.
He wants me to sit at the abundant table that He has set for me.
He wants me to be happy joyous and free.
Yet I am reluctant to bother Him.

I have annoyed and dismayed Him for most of my life, intentionally sometimes, sometimes inadvertently.
So why now after I have made the decision to have Him come into my heart and direct my life am I reluctant to bother Him?

Ah it's the arrogance of me again.
The arrogance of being unwilling to accept all of His Gifts and His Grace because I think I am unworthy and He thinks differently.
I am learning though. For me it's progress rather than perfection and so it goes.
Each day a little better or a little worse depending on my spiritual condition.

I am going to end this now because I truly feel the need to bother Him again
and He loves it when I do.