Being A Parent

Having raised five children does not make a parent "a good parent". But I have learned a few things along the way to share.

INFANTS:

HUG, PLAY, LAUGH, LOVE THEM.
Nothing is more important to a child's sense of well being than knowing they are loved. As infants, our loving embrace, our soft tones, our giggles register in their minds. They feel secure, protected, loved. And these attributes will continue to thrive as they mature as we continue providing the above elements.

TODDLERS:

Hug, play, laugh, TEACH, love them.
Guidance begins at an early age. The phrase 'monkey see, monkey do' says it all. If we shout, yell, throw or slam things around, these are the teachings we are providing. Children imitate our emotions and actions. Teach these little darlings the right way to behave and act from the beginning. But also remember they are children and mistakes and bad behavior is a part of growing up. So knowing when to be lenient will be helpful.

PRE-TEENS:

Hug, play, laugh, teach, DISCIPLINE, love them.
Outside forces begin to cloud their judgments(television programs, peer pressure, friendships, etc.). Discipline consistently without faltering. Saying no one minute and then yes at another only confuses them further. It is much easier to turn a blind eye and say 'I'll deal with it later'; but sometimes later never comes and a situation may escalate to the point of no return. We are their lifetime teachers and need to find time between our own hectic schedules for our children. No one ever said being a parent was going to be easy.

TEENS:

Hug, play, laugh, teach, discipline, LISTEN, love them.
Read in-between the conversations you and your child are having. Watch for their stance, their hesitance, their apprehension to continue a certain conversation you may have opened up. Open the door to communication. Be there for them.
Allow them their space to grow but more importantly allow them the opportunity to know you will be there for them, regardless of the situation, to listen to them without judging before they have finished explaining themselves to you. As parents, we have been known to 'jump the gun' at times. We need to step back and confront our children, find out what's bothering them but know the right time when to do this. At times, giving them their space to work things out for themselves is needed. But they need to have been shown how to work things out for themselves from an early stage. When we've felt overwhelmed with work and household duties, and the kids are screaming for attention, the way we react and respond to this situation shows and teaches them how to react in the same manner later on in life. Like I wrote earlier 'monkey see, monkey do'.

As parents, we need to set these future representatives of the human race on the right path. At times, tough love will be enforced. Excessive rules and regulations stifle a relationship. Be firm yet know when you've overstepped the boundary. Apologizing to our children shows them we respect their feelings and we are human, too. Yet never forget you are the parent, their stepping stone to show them the way, and not simply their friend.

After all is said and done, they marry and their mirror image of parenting will begin. We've done our best to provide the teachings to our children ensuring they are respectable individuals, hoping now our past guidance will help them with their own families.

By teaching our children early in life such things as:
-commitments(signed up for piano lessons, registered for a sport) we need to be their inspiration and 'coach' to help them fulfill their commitments. There will be days when they don't feel like going (we'll feel like not going) but allowing them one, two, three times to be absent from these events they themselves wanted to join, takes away from the whole purpose of commitments. Sit them down and explain to them at times certain other events may clash with their lessons and they will need to commit to their lessons from the start. In this manner, they understand what they are getting themselves into.

-respect: many times I have heard a parent call their child 'stupid' or worse. These kids turn around and show the same 'respect' to their friends later on in life. On the other spectrum, parents have shown respect to their child but he/she imitates friends around them. Take the time and explain to them name-calling hurts and has no purpose in life other than to alienate them from people. Also take the time and meet their friends, get to know who your child hangs around with.

...we are providing them with a solid base to grow up with.

Being a parent is not easy in the least. We have several elements (friends, TV, famous personalities, virtual games) who are the 'side parents', hidden forces we need to content with.

The only way to go is to do your best, regardless how rich, how poor, where you live, who you are, where you work. Love your child, teach your child, be there for your child.

Being a parent is a lifelong commitment, I know, but when I look at my children now all grown up I feel proud because I know I've done the best I could and it reflects in the way they carry themselves in life today.


Author's Bio: Lea Schizas is Founder and Co-founder of 2 Writer's Digest 101 Best Writing Sites of 2005 and recipients of the Preditors and Editors Award: Apollo's Lyre and The MuseItUp Club.
For more information on Lea Schizas, link here:
http://leaschizasauthor.tripod.com