Glass Houses

                                Glass Houses
                                  SM Young



I guess I'd never really realized how much I'd fucked up my life or how fucked up my life has been until this very moment. Here I am, standing in front of a long rectangular table. Seated at the center of the table was my commanding officer, Colonel Bell, a big tall dark skinned black man with eyed so dark and intense I swear he could see through lead walls. His presence was so formidable that when he went to Command staff meetings he intimidated most of his peers and some of the higher Commanders as well. To his right was my first Sergeant and next to her was my Company Commander. To his left sat my supervisor and the Command Sergeant Major.

I was awaiting Col Bell's verdict in my case. Over the last year I had been investigated, accused of the outdated crime of adultery, which is not even really a crime in the civilian world but I am not a civilian. I am Staff Sergeant Skyler Madison but my troops usually just call me Sergeant Maddie. I've been in the US Army for the better part of a decade and have loved every minute of my  professional life. Right up until this day anyway. Notice I said I loved my professional life not my personal life. My personal life has been in complete shambles for quite some time now.

This whole ordeal has been humiliating and emotionally draining. Over the last hour I have had to stand here try to explain why I, a stellar Soldier for the last decade, had decided to step out on my garbage ass husband. You see, getting your groove on with anyone other than the person you are married to is in direct violation of Military law no matter how long you've been separated from the asshole...or how long he was fucking his co-worker...or any of the other countless crimes against our marriage or actual crimes he'd committed.

There are so many wrongs that have occurred over the course of the 5 years we were married, so many things that have changed the way I view love and happiness. You know, it really hurts to think of how we started and the decisions both of us made that put our lives on this crazy road. I'll tell you, I never saw myself standing in this spot that's for damn sure... Not that this is any of their business. This is a very deep personal pain, but there is really no such thing as a personal life in this line of work and honestly, I should have known better that things would end up totally screwed up.



"Sergeant, do you understand that adultery is in direct violation of good military order and discipline?" the Col asked.


I could barely manage a weak "Yes sir".

I was feeling a mix of massive mortification, impending doom, and a bit of nausea as the the First Sergeant and the company commander shook their heads as if they could not conceive of anyone doing something worse than what I had done. I don't know, maybe if I killed my ex-husband they would've high fived me and then I would be off the hook. Now, there's a thought...On second thought I'd better not say that...if something happens to him they'd probably lock me up on thought alone and unlike my ex-husband, I would not get away with murder.

"Sergeant Madison, I have a question" Master Sergeant Ernesten said. She was my supervisor and, in my opinion, one of the major reasons  I was standing there trying to explain this shit.

"What happen to the other man? I mean, are you still together with this individual?"

All eyes were on me and to say that I was feeling embarrassed would be a complete understatement. I couldn't understand why she would ask me that in front of the whole chain of command. I mean, was she trying to completely humiliate me or what? If she wanted to know whether or not I felt that I was wrong for what had occurred, I feel like I did nothing wrong...that's what the scorned wife inside of my heart says...the Soldier in my heart knows that I was absolutely wrong.
I looked at my supervisor, a woman that I trusted with my secrets and my pain. I looked directly into her blue eyes, a final act of defiance, and whispered  "No Sergeant, we are not together anymore"

"What was that Sergeant Madison?"

"No, Master Sergeant, we are not together anymore" I said, louder this time.

The really sad part of that whole exchange is the fact that she already knew that I had broken up with him months ago and she really was trying to humiliate me. She was successful. Like I said, at one time I was a really trusting person...I am no longer.

So, here I am trying (unsuccessfully) to save my rank, trying to break down exactly why I had my "alleged" affair, which for the record, I did in fact have an affair but there were huge mitigating circumstances. They wanted to know what caused my marriage to fall apart in the first place (how dare I have a personal life!), and why did I feel that it was ok to violate Army policy. Again, for the record, I didn't feel that it was ok, I was just trying to move on with my life after my ex husband moved on with his life.

Well ok, that's not exactly true and there's a lot more to it than that...I guess there always is...let me break down the story from the beginning.



CHPT 2: The beginning

Before this mess I'd enjoyed a pretty accomplished military career. That is, after I got through training. I was an average trainee with high hopes. I joined the Army the very day of my 18th birthday, something that most black girls where I'm from definitely do not do. I guess throughout my life I'd always gone against the grain and but I just knew that the Army was what I wanted to do. During training I was a bit awkward, uncoordinated, and clumsy but I always tried really hard. At times I wondered if I'd really made the right decision or if I'd made a huge mistake. I'm sure the Drill Sergeants wondered the same thing.

"Private Madison, what, in God's name, are you doing?!?" they'd yell as I was trying to negotiate an obstacle on the confidence course. They would just sigh and shake their heads just because they knew I had my own way of getting the mission accomplished. They would show the recruits the correct way of firing a riffle to hit the target but when we'd get to the firing range it didn't work for me so I would come up with my own body position and they'd just shake their heads and watch me hit my targets (for the most part). I was pretty active in high school so the physical training was no problem, hell, I could out run most of the guys in my platoon and had no problem with push ups either. That was a relief for me since I thought I was an average looking girl, I couldn't really rely on my good looks to get me out of a jam with my Drill Sergeants. The pretty girls could get away with showing up late by smiling and making promises of a good time later but not me...I'd have to drop and give 'em 20 but they would be the best looking 20 push ups I could do. I was pretty bad ass.

All in all, after I got over my awkwardness,  I really remember basic training as just kind-of a  big slumber party with bunk beds lined up dress right dress and everybody's belongings packed uniformly in their drawers and lockers. Aside from a lot of yelling by the Drill Sergeants, buffing the floors at night, and the nasty food in the chow hall it wasn't a bad experience. Since I was pretty good at making friends and I have never been shy, when it came to the things I didn't know or wasn't very good at, like shining boots or making my bunk, I knew how to ask for help. If we had a uniform inspection coming up, I'd iron someone's uniform in exchange for them shinning my boots. Sometimes when people didn't want to or have time to help me I also learned how to cheat. Did you know that a little Vaseline on the toe of your boot is just a shinny as a couple of hours of spit and polish? Just a dab before the inspection and voila! Shinny boots. Remember, if it looks good, it is good.
Despite it all, I graduated from BCT as the distinguished honor graduate and moved on to advanced training with a promotion to Private first class which back then was hot shit.  I went on to advanced training to become an Administrative Assistant (I know right...Admin?).

Anyway, I was stationed in Landsthul, Germany for my first assignment and I had a pretty good life there. I Lived in a nice little barracks, my job was pretty lame but I did volunteer a lot to go out to the field with some of the other units that needed additional Soldiers to conduct training on their various missions. I used these opportunities to pick up skills and training that I could bring back to the troops in my unit and teach them like convoy operations or hand to hand combat techniques and I think my leadership liked that about me.
  I also took advantage of being in Europe by traveling. I went to France, Spain, Italy (I would love to be stationed at either of those locations...who do I have to talk to about that?), Budapest, and Belgium. All of my family, although they are to chicken shit to actually get on a plane to come visit, always told me how jealous they were that they themselves had never been anywhere cool.

Along with all the great traveling I did, I had a great travel companion. His name was Robert Martin and he was built like Adonis but he smoked like a chimney and drank Hennesy like it was Pepsi or coke. Yes, he had issues but he was the sweetest man I had ever met and by the end of our relationship I could honestly call him my first real love, he was beautiful but he had issues with alcohol. He wasn't a mean drunk or anything like that...in fact he was actually quite generous when he drank (hello, Louis Vuitton!).  I'd met him at a wine festival (...shouldve known better) in one of the local villages. He was a little tipsy when he walked right up to me and just started talking as if he'd known me for years.

"This wine is the shit!" he slurred.

"Hell yeah" I replied following his lead.

"Aww, don't be acting like you all shy and shit. You know us black folks got to stick together out here, you know it ain't even enough of us out here to be acting like we can't speak to each other" he said with a sly smile.

He was right. At that point I was just happy to meet someone who spoke good english let alone a black man who had a body that could make even the most frigid woman hot and bothered for it. So, once I got over the shock of how he'd just walked up to me and spoke, he and I were just kind of together. We walked together through the fest, drank, and talked. He was stationed at  Ramstien Air base, only 10 minutes away from me, but he was originally from middle of nowhere Georgia. He had come from a long lineage of Enlisted men. His Grandfather was a Marine, He father was a Soldier, two of his brothers were in the Air Force. One, in fact, was also stationed at Ramstein. I told him how I was the first member of my family to willingly join the service and that my family was none to pleased at first but they're over it now.
Our conversation was easy and light. We ended up talking for a couple of hours before the sun started to set on the fest and people started going home. He invited me back to his room on the Air Base and even made me a promise that he wouldn't lay a finger on me. I was really digging his conversation so I agreed. We shared a cab after we both double checked that our car doors were locked as both of us had drank way too much wine to even think about driving back on base.

His barracks room looked like a typical guys barracks or college dorm room...there were posters of naked chicks everywhere, video games and Cd's littered the floor near the large screened TV  and stereo situated directly across the room from his bed. His bathroom was another story. It was very clean...almost girly. I started getting nervous because I noticed that he had a lot of health and beauty products...skin moisturizer, hair oils, nail buffer...I started to think to myself that maybe I should leave before his girlfriend comes busting up in there, throwing blows, and wanting to know just who the hell I am. After I voiced to him my concerns he laughed.

"Can't a man just want to take care of himself without a woman having to be involved?" he asked.

"I know but you actually use Suave "powder fresh" deodorant. I've just never met a man who uses that scent that's all" I said

"I like the powder fresh. Have you ever smelled that shit they make for men? It stinks especially when you start to sweat."

"Humph, ok" I replied reluctantly "I just don't want to get my ass kicked by one of your crazy maniac girlfriends you got hidden away somewhere." I opened his closet door and pretended to check for intruders. He chuckled. A guy as fine as he was has got to have a girl somewhere, I was convinced.

While I was investigating his medicine cabinet, looking for herpes medications and anything else weird, he stripped down to his boxers and set out a long t-shirt for me to sleep in. When I walked out of the bathroom and saw him, all bets were off as far as I was concerned. If he looked that good in boxers I couldn't wait to get them off of him. I walked over to where he was standing, holding my t-shirt. I took it from him, laid it down on the bed, and started to strip down right there in front of him. I took off everything, bra and panties included. I turned to face him with a smile and asked "Do you really want me to put that t-shirt on?"
I was pretty confident that he would say no, take me in his strong arms and give it to me good right there on the spot.

He looked at me smiling, he sighed and said "You can put on or take off whatever you want but this is not going anywhere tonight."

I was shocked! I mean, I don't want to brag but I have the kind of tits you see in "Maxim" magazine. Perky and plump. My ass is what rappers rhyme about. Between the two is a nice tight flat stomach that I spend a good portion of my day trying to keep that way...I mean, how could he turn it down? I don't know how because I was sho nuff trying to throw it at him. Now, with all that being said, I was shocked but at the same time delighted that this man was going to be a gentleman and keep his word to me...and he did.
That night, after I put on his comfy t-shirt, we got into  bed and talked until we could no longer keep our eyes open and just before I drifted off to sleep he planted the sweetest kiss on my lips. In that instance it felt as though I had been kissed for the first time. There was so much magic and promise in that kiss that, as I recount the story, my eyes fill with tears because it has been so long...too long since I'd been kissed like that.

That night he held me while we slept and I felt so protected and I just knew that that was where I wanted to stay...right there in that feeling of warmth . The next morning, those feeling were still there....warmth, protected, and a feeling of pure clean love. The kind that has not been soiled by lies and deceit.

I woke up at my usual 6:30 am, which was bad being that it was a Saturday. I got up to use the bathroom and freshen up. I didn't want him to wake up next to me looking all crazy with stinky morning breath wishing he could gnaw his own arm off to get away from me. There would be be plenty of time for that later.  When I returned, Robbie (as I would come to call him) was still sleeping so I climbed back into bed, into his arms. He stirred "You smell good" he said as he buried his face into the back of my neck, kissing me.

"God, you are so beautiful"  he whispered into my ear as he kissed me over and over on my neck and ear. All the while I was grinding up against him and his body was responding in a proper manner.

I knew that we had an agreement that nothing would happen between us the first night but it was now the next day and I was ready to take advantage of his "morning wood". Apparently he felt the same way because he turned me so that I was lying on my back and he was kneeling in front of me.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" he asked.
What the hell kind of question is that? Of course I was ready. Hell, I was ready last night! When I looked into his eyes all of a sudden my body caught a chill and it made me shiver with excitement. "Yes" I whispered.

He softly kissed my lips at first each kiss getting more and more hungry, his tongue searching. His lips moved down to my neck then again down to my breasts. His tongue circled around each of my nipples as though he were savoring  a Hershey's chocolate kiss and I was melting in his arms. He sucked and nipped with his teeth at my breasts and I could hardly stand it. I was softly moaning in his ear as I kissed his neck and tongued his ears, all the while I was grinding my body against his. He stripped me out of the t-shirt as he  kissed my naval, circling his tongue around my naval ring. Next he motioned me to sit up on the edge of his bed while he positioned himself on his knees. I had never let a man go down on me before. I was always way too self-conscious about my smell or how it looks down there but on this day I would've let him break out a knife and fork on me.

He gently kissed the inside of my thigh and down the length of my left leg, his tongue making circles on the back of my knee, stopping at my ankle. He look up into my eyes and smiled at me as he held my foot in his hand.
"I know this probably feels good to you but I don't lick toes."

I couldn't keep from giggling "It's ok"

He gently set my left foot down, picked up the right foot and kissed and licked his way back up to my inner thigh. He was getting dangerously close to my honey pot (God, I must sound like an old woman calling it my "honey pot") and I was getting more and more aroused with each passing second. My body was throbbing as he kissed my pussy lips and gently spread them apart with his tongue. At this point I'm bucking my hips, my body yearning for him to go deeper, my clit begging for attention, his strong arms held me in place while he was tongue fucking my pussy. Oh, it felt extraordinary, his tongue moving in and out of me then finding it's way to my clit flicking it  causing shock waves to pulsate through me. He took my clit into his mouth and started to suck very gently at first. At this point I have my hands around the back of his head guiding him to just that spot. I guess he could tell that I was getting there because he starting to suck on my clit a little harder. I felt the onset of my eruption starting in my legs as they began to shake "Oh God, please baby" I moaned. He sucked it even harder flicking his tongue at the same time. "Baby please" I cried my orgasm well on it's way, my hips grinding into his face. He moved with me flicking his tongue faster  sucking me harder and harder. I felt the white hot electric current of my orgasm pulsating through me as I shuddered and shook "Oh, Christ" I cried. I had never felt like that in my life, I was out of breath and sweating and I hadn't even put any work in...yet. I wanted to kiss every part of him. I wanted to feel him completely in my system, bloodstream, taste buds, and all. I wanted it to be a total body experience.

I grabbed his face brought it to mine and kissed him with everything I had left in me. I took back the sweet juices he'd just taken from my pussy.

"I want your dick inside me now" I demanded.

"You know, once I take these shorts off you're gonna be in trouble" he teased as he stood up revealing one of the most beautiful dicks I have ever seen in real life. I almost gasped when I saw it's length and girth. He has a nice sized piece and I was a little scared. If it were a gun it would've been an Desert Eagle. He must have sensed my apprehension because he kissed me, looked into my eyes with a sly smile and said "I promise to be gentle...at first. However you want it " I laid down and pulled him on top of me. I moaned and kissed him as I felt my pussy stretch to accommodate him. His strokes, at first slow and sensual, his body moving with mine like a romantic dance, then fast, hard, and angry. The look on his face was intense and his dark eyes were fixed on mine. Each stroke was pure perfection.

And that was our sex life over the course of the next few years...pure perfection. Sometimes he would give it to me rough pulling my hair and slapping my ass, having me keep the neighbors up all night with my screams of pain and passion and some days he would give it to me slow and sensual. Those would be the days that I would be late for work. I never wanted to leave his bed.

Don't get me wrong, we actually did more than just fuck. We dated, we shared our days, trials, tribulations, disappointments, and happiness with each other. I was taking college courses at the time so he helped me study. When He was studying for the promotion board I helped him. Everyone thought we would stay together but...

I was a morning person who rose at around 6:30 am even on Saturdays to go run and 7:00 am for church on Sundays. Even if I'd partied all night the night before I was just hard wired to get up early but I would take naps later on during the day. Growing up, my mother worked as a teller at a bank so I was raised to be strict with my money, I was  taught to always pay bills (on time), set aside some money for the inevitable "rainy day", and then go shopping or party with the change left over.

He was the exact opposite. As I mentioned earlier, he drank and smoked (which flared up my asthma and I ended up on medication because of it... but I loved him anyway), he partied all night and would sleep until 1 or 2 in the afternoon. He wasn't good with money at all. He'd get drunk and want to buy the bar at whatever club we were at or if we were at home he'd tell me how inadequate he felt around me and go online to buy me the latest handbag (hello Coach). I liked the purses but I loved him more and all I really wanted was for him to do better for himself. He was a great Soldier and his Command loved him they just didn't know what was going on with him in his personal life and that he was addicted to alcohol. I actually give him credit for one thing,  at least he never let it affect his work. I guess we all have 2 sides.

Speaking of work, I was getting bored and restless with mine.
After about 3 years of piddling around a desk, feeling like a bump on a log, I decided to give the Army another chance at giving me a "good job" and a new assignment. It was time for me to make a decision about reenlisting and I wanted to be doing something "cool" over the next few years not just sitting behind a desk looking cute. By the way, I now understand that all the jobs in the Army are "good" and that they all serve the same purpose, to defend our country against all enemies. So, down to the lowest cook in the chow hall, medic, infantryman,  or, dare I say, admin clerk, we all have a part in the greater mission.

Professionally it was an easy decision to reclassify but personally It was tough. Robbie was putting more and more pressure on me to marry him, get pregnant, and get out of the Army. I was almost finished with my Associated degree at the time so he was sure that I could find work on the outside. I wasn't so sure. I had come to enjoy getting paid on the 1st and the 15th of each month so the idea of quitting my job didn't seem very logical to me especially if I was supposed to be bringing another life into this world. How did he expect to make ends meet if I couldn't find a job? I mean, how did he expect to feed the kid...love sandwiches or something?  I had never even let the thought of marriage let alone babies enter my mind unless he brought it up, I was very focused on being the best Soldier I could be...not a wife...not a mother. I was very strict with my birth control and celebrated each month at the onset of my period. Most girls hated getting their monthly but since I was getting good sex on the regular, I didn't mind a break in the action. I wasn't at all the nurturing motherly type either...I'd never even held a baby before. When other girls or the wives of some of my coworkers would bring their babies to the office I'd stop to take a quick peak but then would quickly return to whatever it was I was doing while other folks would ohh and ahh over the little bundle. To me it seemed that pregnancy was just an excuse to slack off and get fat.


My failure to want to commit my life to him and even think about having children put a serious strain on our relationship. Things between us were falling apart. We wanted two different things at the time and although he was my first real love there were some sacrifices I wasn't sure if I was really ready to make back then. Neither one of us really wanted to understand the other's position and in the end he gave me an ultimatum...The Army or him...


Guess which one I picked...

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