Dear Brent.

Dear Brent ~
There's a zillion reasons why I consider you to be one of my two best friends in the entire world.
And there's a zillion reasons why, whenever you've said you had an emotional void, I've had to bite my lip and fight back the urge to tell you how badly I've wanted to fill that void. You've been so caring to others all year... And as your friend and the person I just am, it's always hurt me to see you not get that kind of caring in return. But whenever you'd say, "Oh well - she doesn't know what she's missing," I'd think, they couldn't even begin to imagine. And I'm not just talking about those intoxicating blue eyes.

You're one of the only people I know who genuinely care about others and often put them before yourself, and throughout the year it majorly ticked me off whenever I found out that the object of your affection wasn't reciprocating that. You deserve far more than them; there have been plenty of times when I've even felt like you didn't deserve me. You're kind, funny, intelligent, talented in so many different ways, responsible, trustworthy, honest, outgoing, hard-working... And whenever you'd say you're lonely or you have a void, I'd always think, "WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH EVERYBODY?" You're a ridiculously sexy guy, and you've got one of the best personalities I have ever known. Yes, I said you're sexy. You're incredibly good-looking, and you and I both know it. Before I knew your name I was way too shy to introduce myself because I honestly thought I didn't stand a chance with a guy that good-looking. And when you told me that you had a crush on me, all the way back in September... I cried myself to sleep that night because I had started to like you too but was too afraid of losing the only true friend I had made. I was a hundred miles away from my closest high school friend, even farther from my family - I didn't have anybody else. But I'm not a timid, lost little college freshman anymore. It's probably not fair of me to say this, but when I was on those first (and only) dates with Josh and Craig, a little part of me wished that it was you I was getting all dressed up for. I'd have been yours in a heartbeat. ...But you've already put me as your sister on Facebook and given me a navy blue friendship bracelet, which I must say is a gift so close to my heart I'm never going to part with it. I platonically love you so much that I've locked up these feelings until now, and I've been scared to tell you because our friendship is worth its weight in gold - times infinity.

Which is why this is the last time I'm ever going to bring up the topic, and why, for both our sakes, I'm going to act as though this letter had never been written. For having such a soft heart, I'm a far more emotionally strong person than most people take me for; of course you know this, after all we both have been through this year. If you've already decided that you'll never be able to see me as more than a sister, then I'll take it in stride and continue to thank God for giving me such a phenomenal best friend. But if you're willing to give me a chance, just to see what happens, you have my word that no matter what happens I'll always care for you. I know you have way too much respect for yourself to wait for other people, and I know my chance had come and gone almost a year ago, but Brent... If only you knew. I've lost count of how many times my mind has gone back to that sunny afternoon when you asked me to come up to your kitchen and help make cheesecake with you, and how much fun we had taking turns pounding the graham crackers in that ziploc bag to make the crust, and how I wish with all my heart that my guard wasn't so high up that I couldn't see the incredible guy standing on the other side. Right now nothing in the universe would make me happier than to give you my kiss, to feel your heart beating against mine, to bend the rules a little for the only guy I've ever trusted completely, to start something amazing with you... but I'd rather never be your girlfriend if that means going through the rest of my life without you as a best friend.