LIFE WRAPPED UP

November 24, 2002
      Why do you say that? Why do you say that I am a disappointment? Well if you think I am such a disappointment then why did you have a kid? Why don't you just forget me mom? Why don't just say get out. Just say those words GET OUT and I will leave. All of that was said today when my momma dukez got madd at me. Did she say get out yea dawg she did. What did I do well I grabbed a few pens and this wonderful notebook of mine and I left leave. Soon enough she will come looking for me. This is my story. In my book no one can touch or read or really anything to it. This is my passion. My dream, my life this little notebook that is black and white design just holds my life all in it. Let me tell you about myself. I am 17 years old. I live in Kissimmee, Florida. Do I drive nope mom doesn't even have a car. No pops around to help. So yea sound a lot different from your family or the same I bet. Well, um what else I have a wonderful baby boy Junior. I am in a gang can't write the name in case the Fags get a hold of the notebook somehow. Well I am in love with my wifey Jessica. She is my heart my soul and body. She is everything. Jessica I LOVE YOU! She is well will be the mother of my son Jr. Junior's real mom was killed by her gang for trying to get out because she had him. I have been locked up here and there and if I get locked up one more time they will take Jr. away from me. I grew up a bad life and here wanting to change it so I can get my shyt straight. I must say looking back do I regret anything I do not. "Everything I've seen and done, has made me everything I am today" Life has been what it is but, I'm changing for one thing and one thing only my wonderful baby son and my wife. They are my pride and joy. They put a smile on my face for everything. Well I am off to Jessica's house since I'm not living with my mom anymore. What am I going to do? Life is a mystery. Let us hope it rolls out with a good time. I got my son and my girl its going to work I hope.

November 25, 2002
So yea it's around 1 pm. I just changed Junior's diapers dam that kid is wonderful. I love to see him. It feels like yesterday I just cut his cord. Really I cut it 2 years ago. His birthday is coming soon in about a month from today and I do not know what I should get that little bugger. Well i kind of have bigger problems to solve. Where the hell am I going to live? Jessica's parents said I can stay for a few days pero what about after. My crew won't really put up with me now days. After I told them I'm looking for the future of my son. My boss the head guy in charge said, do it. He was never good at anything so he joined pero he's a very loving person when you personally know him. Don't say I told you because he will kill me and you if he knew I told you he got a soft side. Anyways I'm off to look for a job got to shower and borrow Jessica's popz suit and get on that lynx bus. Its 3 pm and I have been to three job interviews they said we do not want anyone who has been to jail. This is why I do not like saying it but I am an honest person if you ugly den I'ma say it. Hold on they are calling me................. Dam I walked in this nikka's office took one look and he said leave my building before I have you locked up where your dumb Hispanic ass belongs. I left I am trying to stay out of a 3x5 cell. You feel me. I called Jess and told her to come to the Joint. We went and I cried. I cried my heart out. My babies were there for me. I am lucky to have this chick and my son after being in the real world. My dude Mike saw me and came over. He was saying papi what happen and what you need. He is the joints owner for the past like ever. He is known as the grandfather to me he has been my popz pero I really should listen to him more. I told I what happen and he said pa why didn't you just come here dumb ass. I'll give you a job if you go register for school tomorrow. I tried to fight with him pero he's just as hard headed as I am. That is where I get it from I guess. He will even give me and Jessica a place to stay. He really is my popz to me. We ran to Jessica house got our shyt and left. We started to move in and Mike had the biggest smile on his face. Mike and I sat down and talked. We talked about everything and he started to cry I felt bad and said papi don't cry. He stopped all of a sudden and said papi? Que? I said oh I guess you my popz Mike you have been here protecting me since I was 10 when I started coming to your shop. I love yea pero now I'll call yea popz u know that. Pa thanks for taking us in. Any time Chris. I went to Jessica and help her place our things then went to go lay down. I said to Jessica, you left your life to be with me I really love you. You are everything babe one day I will get a ring and marry you I promise you that ma I really do. I closed my eyes and Said I love you Jess, I love you Jr. And off to bed I went to wake to jr. crying two hours later. I took care of him and went back to bed.
Chris
November 26, 2002
I am looking up on the roof of the room and lying in the bed. Why, because today I have to go register for school some place I Failed a long ass time ago I made tons of mistakes and leaving school really wasn't one of them. Leaving it helped me. No noisy teachers no drama, no fights really. Man time has been flying its 10 am. Well I gotta go run off to that Gateway campus I left a few years ago. Its 12 pm now and I start school tomorrow. Also, Jessica is going to continue to go to Celebration High School. Its life you know popz is going to teach me how to drive. I had the biggest smile on my face. Life has changed so much in the past few days. I hope nothing else can go bad. A few Hours later Popz is going to watch JR while I am at school. If it really wasn't for popz where would I be. Back when I was 13 and selling weed popz helped me out by paying back the boss when I came up short pero he made me work for it. I have to go clear tables and serve people before popz comes looking for me. Jessica will be proud to see me work.

November 27, 2002
It's my first day back at school. The hell hole I left. What am I going to do man. Well I got to handle my shyt. Wow I left JR and kissed Jessica goodbye. As I shaved off my Mohawk and went to school. Wow look at these classes. Algebra II Spanish AP Chemistry II Honors, American Government, Economics, PE wow one good class I can ball in. Wow they think I'm a freaking genius or something. I will fail everything but for Spanish and P.E. and economics. I speak Spanish P.E. is my grind and economics deals with money I'm that shyt with that. Wow my first day and nikka's looking at me wrong already. Pero whatever I'm here to get out. The boss came 6th period while I was running on the track and he could not believe that I was in school. Running at that, he said I look like I was running from the fags. The fags are the 50 popo's you know. It is kind of funny for him to say that he had to go before they figured that he didn't belong. He said that he would meet me at the joint that night. After school jess picked me up we went to go see our son. That kid is doing wonderful. Popz had to go out so I ran the joint for a few hours. Not as easy as it looks now. Man orders greetings I was struggling pero I had my support with me. I lost all of my joy when my mother walked in with some fags. They said I runaway. They took me and brought me to booking DCF came and took JR from Jessica. I'm stuck where I tried to stay out of because some dumb ass lady name Maria can lie. Damn what is going to happy to JR my life with Jessica? My popz. In two days I get to see my judge and see what happens. I am going to lose my mind.

November 28, 2002
So I was woken up by the guards they said lets go! Court, Shower, shave and get dressed. Now GUYS lets go. When all of that was done I went to wait and I waited and waited. It was like when you are in school in the boring period and you feel like every time you look up at the clock is broken or hasn't changed. Well, that is how I feel right now like the teacher is monotone and couldn't say anything interesting word for his life. OMG, finally my name is called. Maria is near me, I asked to be seated away and to have popz and Jessica near me. They both came and it was time to start to begin for freedom and my child back. The court hearing went like this

"Why did you runaway?"
"I did not run I was kicked out"
"Why was that Chris"
"Ask Maria please"
"Who is Maria"
"That Lady" (pointed to her)
"Why do you not call her mom"
"Because she loves me for the work around the house"
"Why do you say that"
"It is true"
"Maim why was Chris kicked out"
"He was not listening not doing what I asked and never going to school"
"Chris why are you not in school"
"I was until I got arrested my popz gave me a place to live and a job only if I go back to school"
"Who is your father sir? "
"My popz is Mr. Michael Rivas"
"Mr. Rivas why have you done this for Chris. "
"Because I have known Chris since he was 10 years old why shouldn't I. He respects me and listens. He is a wonderful Kid I am here asking for custody of young Chris"
"Why do you want custody"
if you send him back then he won't be in school and get back into gangs and drugs. "
"What if I were to give you custody"
"If you do then you will or can have a full report on the way he acts his grades everyday weekly monthly or hourly if you really want it. "
"Ok hearing is augured for now Chris will be released when I make a decision. Excuse me ma can he be released for school. Yes Chris will be released from the hours of 6:30 to 3 PM any questions? "
"All together we said No"
"I conclude Mike for asking for custody without me asking it made me have a tear. I kissed Jessica and went back to a 3 x 5 cell. So I really miss it miss my son my girl and soon to be Official g shyt popz."

November 30, 2002
IT has been two days and finally they called me up. I waited during each trial and nothing was going on that has interested me and my brain cells. As that was going on I asked the guard for paper and a pen. I was going to write to my love ones incase of anything. I wrote

Dear Jessica, Popz y JR,
I love you guys dearly. If you are reading this then my wishes have not come true. Where in the world are dreams or wishing upon a stars supposed to happen. My dreams of a good future with yo guys have been ruined. I'm in love with you Jessica and you popz I miss you and your wonderful hospitality. Jessica when I get out I'll put you to bed lol. Junior I know you can't read this pero I love you boy. You are everything you know that you really are. I was doing what was right pero, some people can't understand that. I really miss seeing you holding you I wish you were here for me and with me pa I miss you so much. I love you all with all my heart you bring the best out in me. I don't know how many times I can write it pero I love you guys I love you guys I love you guys.


Love your boii
Chris

"am now I am really up she's back here and so is popz, Jessica is in school. "So here we are again Chris"
"Hey judge" we should be on a first name bases now shouldn't we?
"Maybe we can be"
"Maybe I mean I've been here 62 times now. "
"Yes you have we should stop the visits"
"Yes let me get your number and maybe we can meet up outside of this room. "
"Yes maybe but I'll Call you"
"Popz hit me for that and I said it was cool
What are we here for if joke time is over is to release you back into the real world. So you are in school, work and have a place to live"
"Yes Wendy I do"
"Chris I see you want to change"
"Well because I have to give you some kind of punishment You will have to give 1 year of Gang Treatment program.
Wendy thank you but I don't run in gangs anymore. "
"I know pero it's either that or Jail time papi."
"Okay I choose the year for 200 points"
"and your son will be released in 2 hours back to you. "
"Thank you Wendy now when can we meet outside of this room my number is 407-555"
"STOP Chris, Ill give you mine Mr. Chris 407-GET-OUT! "
"Okay Okay Christmas party December 21st 2002 you can come.
I'll think about it""

I'm a free man "laughing out loud" FREE MAN. As I run out I am off to my house with popz. I love the way the air smells outside like the smell of the ocean. Well I got to work now that I am out. Back to the real world cleaning dishes and working hard in school. When I see my wifey she's going go to bed to night. As for that letter I left in the cell because, I don't need it. Welcome to my life. The life I live its hard cold road but It is my plan my idea's my life........... You know I just thought of something someone like me is told we can't do. Is college I want to go to college?
"EDUCATION IS ONE THING NO MAN CAN TAKE AWAY FROM YOU."
Yes that is what I am going to do. I am going to go to college Lets try this thinking of this as I go through my day

"Courage is fear that has said it's Prayer"

"I am what they say I am what you see."

December 1, 2002
Twenty-five days until Christmas and I am a freeman. As I am working for my future I overcome hardships and struggles pero I work hard to get over them. When things don't go my way I work around them. This is all hard to do. As I am sitting here thinking, working, and possible, ending my life soon, I remember what I have been through. What is hard about life? Not that far away my child will be 8 then 16 then 20. What to do in life. As I am as I do I will overcome my struggles I will overcome life. I will overcome haters and have my days and nights. I am off now to go to work then take J.R. and Jessica ice skating. As I am working I am discovering new things I am thinking about life entirely. What if questions you know. What if Mike never helped me out when I was younger? What if I never met Jessica? What if my fagot biological father never left? What if I never joined the crew nor had my wonderful son. What if..... What would life be like if we didn't have you or me? What if I stayed in school and what if I was born later or sooner? What if I died in a gun battle or a gang war? What if is love? Why am I thinking like this? What is going on? What if the judge didn't let me out? What if I didn't get a second chance? What is going on? Damn men my shift is over already. I got to run upstairs and get Jessica and Jr. to go ice skating this should get my mind off of all of this and all of the what if questions.

December 2, 2002
So I told Jess what I was thinking yesterday and she said that's normal. That she thinks about that kind of shyt too. She said that I need to have a little more faith I her and Mike and our son. If they didn't want to be here they would have left a long time ago. Jessica is my inspiration. She is my hope my love. She is the reason why I get up everyday is her, my son and Mike. For us there is no end. She holds me up everyday when I am down. When I show some faith she is there. As we went we decided to go shopping. We went out to the store. The three of us she, Jr. and I are just hanging out. We came across my homeboy J-dawg. He said what up and that he had to be in a hurry. It looked like something was up because he was wearing the colors. He was wearing a white shirt with red spots all over it and Black pants with red spots. Those colors mean war. I told Jess to go to the car and wait for me. SO I can talk to J-dawg. She did and as she walked away I love her beauty. I yelled stop to her and she did I said I love you baby. She said I love you and continued to walk away. So J-dawg and I started talking and said yea war tonight with the St. Cloud crew for who owns U.S. 192 they be creeping up on it. We got Meadowoods on our side. So its Kissimmee and Meadowoods vs. St. Cloud. Just as we was talking I heard a sound I will never forget something that hurt so much I knew something just happen J-dawg and I ran we ran and ran until we got there and I stopped and I heard that sound about 5 more times. I just had to stop thinking and I picked up my phone and dialed the number. With only twenty-four days until Christmas why did this just happen.

December 2, 2002 Chapter 9

Later that day

Damn man as I look around on the ground my heart stops. St. Cloud struck early and at me. Why me? I haven't done anything to them to get at me. Who did I call I called the boss. As I am sitting here in the hospital I am by Jessica's and JR's side. JR got hurt when Jessica got shot in the stomach. Why does my lie never go right? With all that I have been through GOD you can't give me a break. Just once not just once you can't cut me a break. When things go right you start to spin my world. And things just get messed up. Jessica left with the Doctors and they took her to surgery. She got hit pretty badly. I want to go after that little shytbag who did this but I know that won't solve anything. It will only make thing worse. God why me? Why not some Rich White businessman from Beverly Hills? Why some Latino kid who is in high school and just wants one thing , one entire thing to happen. His life back to have it with the people he loves. Man, can someone send me an angel or something. Tears are falling from my face. I don't cry I am a warrior from the streets of ktown. WHY WHY WHY GOD WHY? The boss walked in and said don't worry man stay here we funna do some justice. That guy will play he broke the rules. If I have to he will be punished for it. I will get the tattoo of a tear on my face if I have to kill that little ni66a. You stay here and do what is right. This is personal to me. I protect my soldiers who have a future in life. This is personal to me Christopher. I promise you that. Tonight it will go down papi. I promise you that. I said ah watch Mikes place too for me. It really is personal to the boss he is crazii about keeping me safe. The Doctors are here and Jessica has been in surgery for about an hour or so maybe more. Time is just not important to me having my baby girl and my son is. Mr. Rivas I have some news for you........................

Chapter 10 December 2nd still

Everything I have been through has made me the man I am. I am becoming a good person and someone has to go mess it up. I am going to deal with it as it comes. As the doctor is talking all I can do is cry. I found out something important. I found out that the little bitch from St. Cloud crew may have killed a baby. The doctor said it is or was a baby girl. He doesn't know the outcome of her yet. They are worried about Jessica first. They are working hard to help her and keep her alive. I got to go Doctor. I have to run I will be back. Here is my cell phone number call me if anything happens. I ran, and I ran, down Main Street to the courts then to the corner store. I ran past the people and groups of people on the streets. I got to the church and ran inside past the huge brown doors and up the isles. The people looked at me like I was crazy. I ran right past them to the stage. I fell onto the stage and I cried, I screamed and yelled my heart out. Did they have to shot my baby and my wifey. Damn man why me. Why do I got to be the target. The minister came out and I started to talk to him. He helped me we talked about everything that happened. I asked him WHY God picked me for this to happen two. He said that god has a plan for all of us. He would not put you through this if he didn't believe you couldn't handle this now would he. I said no he wouldn't. He said you have opportunities in front of you. You can make the best or worse of this situation. It is all up to you, to make the right choice. Tonight you have two choices to choose from. You can go fight for your crew or to go to be with the people you love. And help them through what has happen. All I have to say is

         "He who angers you conquers you" ~ Elizabeth Kenny
And
"Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile" ~ Albert Einstein

So you have go make your choice. You can go fight for revenge and let them conquer you or you can go live a life worthwhile by living it for Jessica and JR.

December 3, 2002 Finally Chapter 11

Last night I went back to the hospital. The Doctor said that Jessica is okay pero in a coma. She may or may not wake up. We do not know yet. Junior is going to be okay to he is a warrior like his father. Ha Ha! SO mike is okay as well. The biggest question is how my baby daughter is. She was 5 months along. I never noticed Jessica never said anything. But, that would explain why she was wearing my cloths and she really never was in the mood for well let me stop. She's there breathing with a tube. The doctors asked me if I want to pull it.  I said, Hell no that is my wifey we supposed to get married and that is going to happen. Right now I have to be the faith. God has a path and is telling me that I can make it. I will make it past this. Wait no; we will make it past this. Me, my son, my daughter and my beautiful wife will. When times are down she helps me, but no I got to take her strength and give it back. I got to have her back and I am here until she can't do it any more. Then I will do it for her. A little faith goes a long way. A month or two ago this would not have been me. I would have gone back to the crew. About the war well St. Cloud lost. They cheated and to win and Meadowoods crew heard about it so they called in Hunters Creek, Timber Creek, and Haines City and as for the guy who this well lets say he is a tear drop on my face. Those 5 extra shots were the gun shots going into J-dawg. He died yesterday when he was shot. He is the other tear drop on the other side of my face. So a lot can happen in a few days right. Well yea I killed someone and had my wife and children faith still. But me killing that St. Cloud bitch between me and you and the boss. No one else knows. The pigs well they had no clue this happen until it was over. Here I stand. Here is who I am. I am a father a son a Child learning about life. Growing each day and each thing that happens I now believe is a test from god. Here is me and my fate with the world.


Chapter 12 December 6
Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep,          is all I hear after school when I go to the hospital for my baby. It makes me cry every time I see her like this. Mike is by my side and I love him for that. Junior is okay. He has made a full recovery. It Jessica and the baby we are worried about. For the past three nights I have cried myself to sleep. It's hard to believe in faith when my faith is not by m side. How do I function without her? Her parents are here too. I am surprised that her mother is here. She really doesn't care. Damn man I just want to cry. I am hurt very hurt my baby will not come home to me. I have faith in her to come. The doctors said that our daughter is doing well. She is the right size and healthy. If I want she could be born in a few days. I don't know if I want that to happen yet. I said no just because I want to wait for Jessica to be up and see it. I do not know how this is going to turn out. I love you Jessica. I have to go. I left home to study. Yes, me Study. I have faith that she is going to come true. My feelings for her are forever.


Chapter 13 December 8
Seventeen days until Christmas. Seventeen days. As I wake up today I look at Jessica's picture and get down to pray. Pray that she comes back to me. When I went to school today everyone just now found out what happen. They are sad and online are videos saying pray for us. I never thought that would happen. A bad kid like me struggling to make it. After school I went to Jessica and she is still sleeping. That is what I say is that she is sleeping. I stayed a little while and then went to mikes to work and study then to bed. Nothing really good is happening. Where has time gone? Where is the good life?


Chapter 14 December 24
The past week or so has been very blah it goes school, Jessica, work, study, and sleep. Sundays went like church Jessica, work and then sleep. It is Christmas Eve for Junior's first Christmas. I am here with Jessica, now. The doctors said that we have to take out the baby soon. I said give it time Doc give it time. I know she will wake up soon. As the day progressed I cried on and off. The day I let go is the day I lose my faith. Damn it's minutes to Christmas and I said okay take her out. They have been for the past hour. I am right next to them as it is five seconds to midnight. Four, Three, Two..


Chapter 15 December 25
One, and she came out at 12:00 A.M. They said look at the Christmas baby. That is when Jessica woke up looked around and said, "Christopher I love you and take care of our family. I will never be gone if you have faith. She held her daughter and said, Hope Miracle Rivas and she passed at 12:05 a.m. Christmas Day. 

Chapter 16
Wow! What just Happened? Why did god take her away? It's both of the babies first Christmas and I am sad Broken Hearted. God reached into my mouth and uplifted my heart from my body. But at least she got to see her beautiful child. Her name is Hope Miracle Rivas. She is my hope, she is a miracle, and her nick name is Faith. There is only one to do right and this is it. My way to do right I must do what I have to do. I will raise my children the best I can. I promise Jessica that. At least she got to say goodbye.

Chapter 17 December 28
We had the funeral for my baby. I had to do what she said. I had to let go. I let go but, did not lose my faith. I think my faith is carried by my daughter. She is my Jessica. My life is complete with my children. The funeral was supposed to be small. It wasn't every crew was there from Central Florida. St. Cloud was there watching from a far. What does that say, it says that people care. People have hearts. Every school was there as well. They were there to support me and have my back.

Chapter 18
Two years later
It is two years later. My baby has been gone. I still have faith. Our daughter Hope Miracle has been her more and more everyday. She can walk and talk trust me she is beautiful. She had her first little boyfriend crush if I could I would have kicked his ass. At nineteen years old I am starting college. I can't believe I made it. My son junior well he is doing okay. He is starting kindergarten soon. He can talk and read. My real father came but, I blow him off. Mike my father is the best papa he can be. He still owns the joint I am going to college close to home. I got a scholarship. I have a full ride. I am going to study law. I want to become a Lawyer. Why? for Justice, for the American Dream. I have hardships and my days thou will over come. I will make it everyday with her.

Chapter 19
Ten years Later
I am growing old day in and day out. Hope is thirteen and the boys will not leave her alone. Calls come in all the time for her. Her girly things I left for my mother to deal with. Yes my mother. She and I have come to grow together. I think it is because we have both grown older. But, Hope still continues to carry my faith in me. She is my quarter. My other quarter of me is Junior. He is a very smart boy. He gets that from Jessica. He is fourteen and in middle school. He gets that from Jessica. He Had a bunch of my old teachers. Damn Man I am almost striking old age era of my life. I am twenty-nine now. Believe me I still got the looks. I am dating again and it is cool. I still love Jessica and every week we go to have a family picnic with her. I will always love her. At twenty-nine years old I am a good lawyer. I have had twenty-five cases. It is wonderful Harvard called and I said no not until my children Graduate. So life is good. I am living a good life. I never forget where I came from. The boss died in a big war Florida vs. Georgia. His kid I have. I am protecting my big brothers child for him as he is watching over us. With J-dawg, the boss, and Jessica next to god everything is good. They have my Faith and my back.
This is my life. This is my life story in your hands. Go and Spread it around to your friends. Jessica's Life let others find faith in my story. As I found it in her.