Teens and Rape. Why Don't They Tell?

Teen-rape is extremely common, especially what we call "date rape." The problem is, that many of these rapes go unreported.

You may ask yourself, Why don't these teens report the rape or the abuse? It seems to us, as adults, so logical, doesn't it? Well, I will tell you why they don't generally report it and it is my hope that you will understand and be more understanding and compassionate toward these injured girls (and boys)., and maybe find a way to begin a conversation to open up the lines of communication if a teen who has been abused enters your life.

The most common reasons for not telling are fear and guilt. Fear of what people will think of them. Fear of possibly being pregnant or having a sexually transmitted disease. Fear of what will happen to them if they "tell" on or report the abuser to the authorities. Fear of having to face the abuser or abusers again.

The guilt is usually over what happened to them and they feeling like they had some sort of responsibility over what happened.

The guilt can be even more intense if they were dating their abuser, had dated them in the past, if they knew the abuser, or if they were drinking alcohol or using drugs when the rape happened.

Shame and loss of self respect and self esteem is also prevalent. Unfortunately, teens, especially teen girls, place so much emphasis on how they feel about themselves on how others see them. If their abuser was a boyfriend (date rape) or ex-boyfriend, or even someone they knew, by being used after a rape, these girls are left feeling dirty, ashamed, and like they are worthless.

Many times it doesn't matter what other people tell them, like they are pretty, etc,. a little voice inside of them continues to tell them that they are ugly and worthless since the abuser treated them like an object. This is why it is so important for them to get into some type of counseling or therapy as soon as possible...however, in order for this to happen, the teen must be able to tell about the abuse or rape.

So, what will happen to these girls if they go on without telling anyone about the rape or abuse?

The facts are that they are more likely to do poorly in school. They often engage in unhealthy, self abusive behaviors , like drug and alcohol abuse and abusive relationships with unprotected sex.

The anger, shame and stress they feel can lead to eating disorders and depression which can also lead to suicide.

These behaviors can continue on into adulthood if not addressed.

ARE YOU A TEEN THAT IS AFRAID TO TELL?

If you are a teen and a victim of teen-rape, sexual abuse or assault, I want you to remember this... It does not matter what the circumstances were, if you were drinking, using drugs, dating the guy or girl, passed out or whatever! If you said "NO" or implied "NO" or could not consent, it was rape (teen-rape), and IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!!

Someone took advantage of you! If you don't tell anyone, that person or person(s) can and probably will continue to do the same thing to other girls!

There are thousands of other girls who have been through teen-rape just like you! I know that it is extremely scary to tell someone.....but it is something that you need to do for yourself!

The person who raped you or abused you took something from you without your permission!

Alcohol or drugs are NOT an alibi. The key question for you is did you consent or not? Both participants in sex must be conscious (alert and aware) and consenting. By the way, if the person who raped you was over 18 years old, that is also a crime!!

If you are feeling alone, confused and scared....that is normal right now, considering what you have been through., but listen closely...., drinking alcohol, using drugs, doing dangerous things including having unprotected sex with multiple partners and trying to punish yourself is NOT going to make the pain you feel inside go away!

The only way to feel better is to tell someone you trust. That is the first step in getting your life back! Trust me, you are much stronger than you think.

Many other women, like me, and teen-age girls have been where you are right now and have made it through and so will you!

If you don't have anyone around you feel that you can trust, call RAINN, the National Hotline for Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-HOPE

You may also call my toll-free number listed on my Home page @ www.soul-expressions-abuse-recovery.com. I will be happy to assist you in connecting you with your local MH organization.

I truly believe that you have someone close to you that sees that you are hurting and you might be shutting them out. Please, let them in and let them help you. You don't have to do this alone!!

Call NOW, before you change your mind!

There is HOPE! There is always HOPE!

There truly is a way out of the deep dark hole that you feel you are in right now!

All you need to do is reach out. I guarantee that someone will have a hand waiting for yours to hold when you do!

Becky Herdmann