Letter From a Friend

         Dear Heather,

         Why did you tell Dad that I peed on the rug? You could have told him you spilt lemonade on it or something? Whatever it doesn't matter, I'm happy with my life and I pee on giant trees. You're just jealous because the cute poodle down the street likes me and you are single. We're not the same anymore you messed everything up.
         None of your friends like you, they pretend to like you. When you leave the room to do whatever they rub my belly and talk about how fake you are and how weird they think you look. You have no one but me and now you lost it. I don't need you but you need me. Without me you have no real friends
I didn't even do it. The cat did, I was just covering it up for her because I didn't want her to get into trouble. I'm a good friend. Why couldn't you tell Dad that you spilt lemonade as you were carrying it through the room and you bumped into something making it spill?
         Because I was put outside the cat is now lonely and Dad has to get a carpet cleaner. If he thought it was lemonade he would have just wiped it up instead. You put us in debt because of having to buy a $500 machine.
Whatever it doesn't matter. I'm smarter than all you anyway. Your brains aren't developed enough to understand my language. Even if you had a tail you couldn't catch it like I can.
         You told your friends that I pretend the poodle is my girlfriend. Now they laugh at me when I walk over to her house. I'm not going to tell them your secrets so why bash me.
         Anyways, I'm over it all and we can be friends again, I love you.

         Love,
         Pierre