maybe this is insanity

How many times
will I try to remember
something to cling to
to keep me together.
How many times
will I hold on to nothing
waiting for something
to fall into my hands.
How many times
am I banging my head
hanging on by a thread
till I wished I was dead.
How many times
will I stare at this paper
searching for words
to create an escape.
How many times
will I try to erase
all my fears with the drink
that I cant stand the taste of.
And how many times
will I whisper her name
to remember the pain
and the tears that stained
her face.