Carson Renee

Girl found dead in front of beach house on Virginia Beach, VA. Estimated 17 years old. 5' 7" / 130 lbs. Short, brown hair. Green eyes. Identified: Carson Renee Scholtens, 173 Salem Woods Road, Virginia Beach, VA 24351. Attended Salem High School. Cause of death: drug overdose: Tricyclic antidepressant (Imipramine). Date/Time of death: 06/14/06, approximately 6:00am.



The sunrise was so beautiful. But then, it always was, if you could get up early enough to see it. Her mom used to wake her up so, so early once a week when she was little- just to take her out to the beach and watch the sunrise. She called it "bonding time", but Carson always thought that her mom just wanted to get away from her father. The man wasn't even all that bad. But they weren't "in love", and Carson's mom regretted it. She'd gotten pregnant in high school; and, being a "stupid teen", made the even bigger mistake of marrying the father. Carson's mom would always tell her: "Don't you go off getting pregnant until you finish school. Don't you go off marrying the father, neither, if you do get pregnant. There ain't no way you'll be in love. Don't you go off doin' what your mother did." Every week, for as long as Carson could remember, until she was 13. And one morning, Carson woke up so, so early, like she always did. But she knew right away something was wrong. None of the usual soft noises of her mother packing up their picnic breakfast came from downstairs. Without thinking, Carson ran down the stairs, into the kitchen.

The sunrise began to blur slightly. Carson rubbed her eyes, shaking her head vigorously. That's not what today was for, she thought. Today was for me. She had her chance, and I have mine. The vision of her mother, leaning on the table, limp, cold, surrounded with blood... so much blood. And the knife on the table. Carson let out a moan, then a shout of frustration. "It's not FOR you!" She felt her jaw tighten and shook her head violently. She stood still for a minute. Then she slowly lifted her eyes to the ocean before her, tinged with shades of red and orange as the bright sun made its way slowly into the sky.

This was Carson's sunrise. This was her time, her chance to decide. Sweat dripped down her back, and she swallowed hard. Why was her throat so dry? Carson shook again. It can't be too late yet, she thought, I've gone further, this can't be it. No. No, one more though, and that will be. Just the one. She reached into her pocket and took out a small pill. Slowly, she rolled it onto her other palm and held it at eye level. This is what it comes down to.

The pills were not new to Carson. Several times after her mother's death, Carson had taken them. They were antidepressants, so she figured they would help. But they didn't. Carson bit her lip. They hadn't helped yet. But today, if she took just one more... The bottle lay empty on the table. There would be no second chances; her mother wasn't here to buy more pills. There was a soft buzzing in Carson's ears, and she closed her eyes for a moment, breathing in deeply. Only so much, she thought.

Looking up past the capsule towards the sunrise before her, she suddenly felt a rush of peace come over her. What it would be to be able to fly, to rise up like the sun and be embraced in the clouds with no worries, no future except to sleep. Carson closed her eyes. To sleep. She thought about her father. There would be no need to tell him about Eric, anyway. No need to explain the trashcan full of pregnancy tests. Positive pregnancy tests. No need to tell Eric about those, either. Simply sleep, and sleep and sleep. No decisions. And wasn't it like her mom had told her? Carson smiled. Just like her mom had told her. She wasn't going to go off doin' what her mother did. But then, she was going to go off doin' what her mother did. The irony made Carson laugh, the first sound she'd made since walking out of the beach house.

Smiling at the sunrise, Carson took the pill, rolled it through her fingers, and quickly tossed it in her mouth, down her throat, swallowed, done. It was time for a new beginning.