Car Ride

Sweet Caroline. It's blaring from the radio and Justin asks Andrew to leave it. Not really asks- he yells more or less. Andrew looks back annoyed but makes no motion to change the station. I settle into the seat beside him and listen as Sam starts singing. Before long, I am singing just as loudly and arguably more off-key. I'm doing it to mainly to annoy Andrew who is overly dramatic and pretending to hate me now. I know better. He rolls his eyes at me and I bob my head obnoxiously.

Sam's behind me and he keeps reaching over my headrest to ruffle my hair. His fingers are long and fumbly but I'm much too interested in the drowning rhythm to shake them off. I let him ruffle me. The attention is nice. Andrew keeps shooting me looks and I can't tell whether they are of annoyance or simply because he knows how much I hate when Sam does this. Sam hisses open a beer in the backseat and Ryan grins mischievously next to him. We all wait for Andrew.

"You're such a fucking dumbass, there's a cop two cars behind us," Andrew's eyes are locked on the rearview now. There is no real worry in his voice, just the strain of frustration. Andrew always has to be the responsible one.

"LeeAnn, want one?" I giggle a bit and lean my head into Sam's hand. Before I can answer Andrew speaks again, telling Sam to put the beer away or to get out and start walking. Sam sips the beer a few times calmly before settling it on the floor. I sink my mind back into the song. Nate sings this song, he sings it loudly and punches into the air with each beat. He's at work now. He hasn't called me all day, but then again, I haven't made much of an effort either.

Justin is asking my about Nate now. Something vulgar probably. That's what you get when you hang out with guys. Sam's saying that I have to answer. I ask him why and he responds that it's a simple question. He proceeds to answer, substituting his own relationship with Em for me and Nate. I kind of shrug. I can't even remember the question so I just round out a simple 'no'. It's easier that way. No elaboration, clear cut.

"Can I have some of that, afterall?" I ask as I turn and point at Sam's beer. He hands it to me smiling with a hint of corruption and places his hands on my shoulders as I drink. Andrew doesn't say anything. He's grown quiet since I answered Justin. The song has been over for awhile now and I hand the beer back to Sam with a smile as Andrew looks for another station.

We head to the casino that night. Justin wants to meet a few friends from the next town over. We stop in the parking garage and Andrew lets the guys unload from the car. I tell him I need to use the bathroom and Sam spends the next few minutes trying to coerce me to pee in the parking garage like he plans on doing. I reject this idea with little hesitation. Andrew and I find a parking spot and head into the casino instead, leaving the boys to linger in the parking garage and wait for Justin's friends.

We head back to town a little after midnight, all of us a little bored with the progress of the night. Sam suggests we watch the A-Team and so we all watch until around one. I don't really look at my phone to see if Nate called. I know he probably has, but it's probably to say he's out of work and with Alex. He and Alex are probably going out on a dinner date because they don't spend nearly enough time together.

Andrew drops me off at home that night.

He calls me a few nights later looking for something to do. I know Nate will probably call when he gets out of work, but I hate when he calls me at night. I feel like he thinks he can just beckon then- get what he wants out of me and send me home. I tell Andrew to pick me up and we will find something. We end up at Timmy's bonfire, I haven't spoken to Timmy since kindergarten. Even then it was probably just to ask him to pass me the yellow crayon. I immediately feel overdressed, Andrew mentioned nothing about a bonfire. It's all guys and me, me in my ballet flats and red sweater. They are standing with hands in sweatshirt pockets talking about tractor parts and dirt biking. I stand between Timmy and this kid Travis who always put me on edge during high school. I smile to either of them and look on nervously as Andrew abandons me to go and talk to his friend Tulba. I try to remember Tulba's first name as I warm my hands and try to blend in.

We don't stay long and when we get back in the car Andrew tells me it was way too long for him. He's that kind of kid- too restless to stay doing one thing for too long. I tell him that he should have told me where we were going so I could have dressed appropriately. He starts the car and just says 'why do I have to tell you everything, you should just know". We stop at Home Depot. He needs new gloves or something. While he looks around I play around with the front doors, the top-end refrigerators, the streamlined stoves- all of those things I will one day have to orient myself with when I become domesticated. Domesticated. I shudder and close one of the oven doors. One day I will have to make pancakes for little stubby fingered children and pack brown bag lunches for hungry little elementary schoolers. Nate has brought that up before- future talk- or that's what I call it. Sometimes when he tells me how much he loves me he talks about having children together or buying a house. I shudder and turn around to see if I can find Andrew in the bright linoleum lined store.

I convince him to take me to Petco a few nights following that. Nate is with Alex or someone, probably skateboarding or something. Andrew takes me to Petco and we maneuvered through aisles of aquariums smudged with little fingerprints. I think about making pancakes and ask Andrew if we can look at the rats instead. That intrigues him and we set off for the middle of the store. The rats have reddish eyes that kind of bear into you with an unexpected pressure. They keep them next to rabbits and chinchillas. We spend awhile with the chinchillas because neither of us knows exactly what a chinchilla is and we figure the longer we squat in front of the cage the closer we will get to understanding the tiny thing. Andrew grows restless next to me and we leave laughing about the size of the chinchillas nose. He talks about how he wants a new dog or something as we drive home.

Sam will be back tomorrow night, he remarks as he pulls into my driveway. I remember Sam went snowboarding or something earlier in the week.

Cool, give me a call.

I look down at my phone as I head into the house. Nate has called a few times. I call him back after a few minutes. He asks what I did that night and I tell him about Petco. He doesn't get it, really and I wonder why I expected him to. Chinchillas aren't really his thing.