Example for Lessons 1-4

Example of Lessons 1-4
This encorporates a little of all four of the lessons.  See if you can pick out the metaphor, compare/contrast, and the questions.  What about simile and irony?

Sushi

Part a:
Write a few sentences about the topic.


So many of us coat our naked selves in blankets of rice, restrained by bands of seaweed, lest anyone notices we are underdone, raw.

Then there are those who wear their uncooked selves proudly on a stage of rice
for all to see, unashamed of who they are.

Ever wonder what the Master was thinking when he made man and sushi?
Do you think He was trying to tell us something?

Part b:
Put the poem into stanzas, one per sentence maybe.  Watch the phrasing and where the lines break. 


Sushi

So many of us
coat our naked selves
in blankets of rice,
restrained
by bands of seaweed, lest anyone notices
we are underdone, raw.

Then there are those
who wear their uncooked selves
proudly
on a stage of rice for all to see,
unashamed
of who they are.

Ever wonder
what the Master was thinking
when he made man and sushi?
Do you think
He was trying
to tell us something?


Part c:
Experiment with the way the poem is presented (center/left/etc)

Version 2

Sushi

So many of us
coat our naked selves
in blankets of rice,
restrained
by bands of seaweed, lest anyone notices
we are underdone, raw.

Then there are those
who wear their uncooked selves
proudly
on a stage of rice for all to see,
unashamed
of who they are.

Ever wonder
what the Master was thinking
when he made man and sushi?
Do you think
He was trying
to tell us something?

This was an example of a poem that lent itself to centering although almost all my poetry is left aligned. When I divided the lines to make the most punch with certain words, the lines ended up such varying lengths that it looked jagged. That is usually a good hint that centering would probably help, not hurt, the poem. 

If you have pretty even lines, centering actually makes the piece more jagged looking.  See below:

Version 3

Sushi

So many of us coat our naked selves
in blankets of rice, restrained
by bands of seaweed, lest anyone notices
we are underdone, raw.

Then there are those who wear
their uncooked selves proudly
on a stage of rice for all to see,
unashamed of who they are.

Ever wonder what the Master was thinking
when he made man and sushi?
Do you think He was trying
to tell us something?

What do you think- Center or not?  Here is the same 4-line per stanza version left aligned.

Version 4

Sushi

So many of us coat our naked selves
in blankets of rice, restrained
by bands of seaweed, lest anyone notices
we are underdone, raw.

Then there are those who wear
their uncooked selves proudly
on a stage of rice for all to see,
unashamed of who they are.

Ever wonder what the Master was thinking
when he made man and sushi?
Do you think He was trying
to tell us something?


Which looks better?
Version 1 (left aligned and 6 lines per stanza)
Version 2 (centered and 6 lines per stanza)
Version 3 (centered adn 4 lines per stanza)
Version 4 (left aligned and 4 lines per stanza)

Feel free to leave your vote right here on this site. Any entries go on the message forum and questions or comments about the content of the lessons or suggestions to make it better can go to my email. 

Hope this clarifies things a bit. 
Please don't forget to use bitem format-this could get a little long otherwise.

One Additional comment.  Just because I did not use rhyme or a certain meter in this poem does not mean I am suggesting you use it or not.  Feel free to use rhyme or meter if you wish.  If you feel this is more prose than poetry, that is fine too.  This is merely an example of how to show your poem in sentence form, and in centering/left aligning or any other shap or form. 



SWPoet