Once

If I could write my life in a mere sentence I would and I would published and tell the world that I once existed, maybe that is everybody’s dream or hope that only thrives in the deeps of their souls. I am not a genius nor a teacher much less a famous writer. I am what I am, I am what I should be, I am me just me a plain old Hispanic girl, or rather a young Hispanic mother. I never wished for this to happen, I never hoped my life would change in just an instant but it did, it makes you wonder how long does it take to change the world.
I was born in a small town in Mexico, near the border. I migrated legally to this country when I was ten years old, and came to live with my just discovered father whom I had no idea I had, or rather cared I had. I moved to Lilburn Georgia that year which if you are curious was 2001, yes before the terrorist attacks and same as you it affected me from that day on; not only as a person but as a part of a racial group.
I finished elementary and middle school, then I entered high school, Medowcreek High school. That was a big step in my life changing sequences, or maybe it was the first I really don’t know. The first year of high school I really don’t think is important I had friends from my middle school years and even a few from my elementary even though there was that usual high school drama , that was well not really important for my doomsday.
The summer of 2006 was indeed a very interesting one, by several facts that happen in my insignificant life first I had issues with my then so-called boyfriend, thus ending with our relationship by the end of that summer. One of my best friends, I person that I truly adore for her wonderful heart gave me the courage to stand up and life my life for at least a second. That for me would have been impossible since my parents have always and will always be so incredible overprotective to the point that my “father” would listen to my phone conversations constantly and thus would take off the phone line. I think that by the end of that summer I was so tired and I had such a destructive and yet lonely hope of anything good ever happening to me that I dedicated to make my self an over rated shell.
The first day of school I was in a point of my life that I wanted to change I could not stand the suffocating feeling my parents had implanted in me and that my then so-called boyfriend dramas I wanted to scream, that school was like my refuge of my soul and mind even though I had wonderful friends and now I can say great teachers I wont say I was a wonderful student. Around the first week of school or maybe even the second week I don’t really recall the date I met the “man” more like a boy, that I for once in my life would give my soul to.
We first saw each other in the school bus I think it was number twenty-nine, he entered to the bus smiling and laughing with a boy and a girl (later I would know that their were his cousin’s), he didn’t really dint made such a great impression but only the one of “he is cute”. A few days later I think it was like two or three days later when we started talking and became friends, then I broke up with my then boyfriend.
I had by then made very drastic changes in my personality that he Sergio fitted in perfectly in my life, with of course the exception of my parents that never approved anything that I did as a good thing for me. Sergio and I started to date and had it a little rough at first but we made it trough, my father hated him and wanted for me to do anything with him, I honestly wasn’t surprised but I still hope for at least something to make me feel their support of course they never gave me any.
I dint know back then what attracted me to Sergio but now I understand he was very different from me and had a reputation of been to violent, even my friend were at first doubtful about him, but they got to know him and saw what type of guy he really was. When I met him he was also in a bad position in his like and yes you may wonder how bad can a seventeen year old boy have? Or for that matter a fifteen year old? He had the opposite problem I had or curse as I latter called it. He dint have the parents he needed to have, he was lonely he used to smoke, drink and was even suicidal, and of rage and pain he felt he cut  himself. Unlike me that took all my frustration and hid it under a darn mask he let it out. We connected and understood each other, he stopped doing all that stuff for the sake of moving on with our lives and hoping they would get better of course that did not happen.
His parents moved to Loganville GA, and he stayed behind with his aunt helping her was all he could do with his good-for-nothing cousin. We did spend the afternoons together since I used to sneaked out to see him for at least five minutes in the whole day. Always in those minutes I was happy truly happy I dint need to pretend that the world was cover in the color pink and that unicorns where real. The seasons changed from summer to fall and so did our lives; that first December of our relationship we spend it separate, he was in his aunt house and I was in my parents house. My parents decided that it was good for them to have a party, it was to my point of view more like a drunken club I cried and felt sad that charismas and them new years eve. Especially on new years it was Sergio’s eighteen birthday, and I count even hug him, he on the other had spend it alone. A few days after valentines on 2007 Sergio told me that he was going to go and live with his parents, those words hurt me more than anything in this world, I seriously felt a sword going through my body. The day of his departure we sneaked out of our school; how we did it I honestly don’t know. We walked all the way to his aunts house she was not there and we enjoyed the last few hours left. He left to his parents house that afternoon at 3:00 PM and I dint saw him for about two weeks, we did talked in to phone mostly when my father wasn’t home since he would disconnect the phone line. We found way to see each other even if it meant for a few seconds at a time, and that is how it was for the rest of the school year.
Then summer came again and our situation was getting worse with my parents, they got into a motive or movement that I was definitively not allowed to talked in the phone with him, why they decided that I honestly don’t know and I don’t think I ever will. But sadly to them that did not stopped us from trying to talk to each other and see each other. It got so bad that he started sneaking into my house when my parents weren’t home I know that was bad but what else could we have done?- My father always treated  Sergio in that he would beat him up, even know I am surprised why Sergio never called the cops on my father, I mean he is a US citizen. Yes he was born in the US- my parents were having issues so they decided to separate if only the separation would have been final maybe my life would have been a little easier. I always thought it was a stupid thing to do because, well simply because it wasn’t going to last, second they were doing to make me feel bad and leave Sergio and please them and three because they though I cared. In the end they always where back together in a matter of hours, one time it lasted a week. That one time as hard as it sounded I for once in seven years felt in peace, I felt like a huge weight was off my back, I was happy; my mother on the other had wept more than La Llorona, she wept for days on end it drove me nuts.
Then my parents discover that he has sneaked in several times, and taken away several cell phones that my friends mom and Sergio had bought me so I can talk in private, this they believed was a stupid and point less machine. After my father discovered our little encounters he was furious, he called me so many names such as- whole, slut, bitch, good for nothing worthless piece of shit and so on- he had the brilliant idea of kicking me out of my house and not caring what happen to me, my mother only wept and did absolutely nothing and left me on the Taco-Bell where Sergio after dropping out of high school worked. I called him and he picked me off. Sergio’s mom did not mind me living with them nor did his step-father  they were mad at my parents for doing that to me, they were going to call the cops on them but I convince them not to. In the end I never wanted to hurt my parents even if at that time I felt like a piece of trash that was very easily to get rig off.
I was angry, I was sad, I was happy in that house I learned several things that I don’t think I never forget. Number one my parents didn’t matter, number two I was on my own. My mom started to called me after a few days of me been there since she was so “worried” about me supposedly  she was sick and so were my dad, I did not wanted to hear that I dint want to know about them. I was suffering inside my own head that I did not wanted to know. I did however lived happily with Sergio even if things were rough I loved him and he loved me back. We enrolled in the high school that was nearest to us, there we were shocked at the difference in the attitude of the students and the staff in that school, I made a few friends that well they weren’t what my old friends were like but at least it was a start. A start that was tough, it was a lot of feelings and things that I need to swallow at once but somehow I seemed to be making it through and with the help and love of Sergio it all seemed really be going well even if things outside our world seemed to be getting worse. In Sergio’s parents house things were starting to get a bit rough, my parents were still been stubborn about their decision or at least that was true for my dad, my mom since the beginning tried to help me, even if that hurt me I did however appreciated. My world then was just me and Sergio we had to make it through somehow and it seemed to be working. Then I got sick, I had a vaginal infection that I wanted to deal with, without a lot of medication for I had always hated medicine. Seen that I could not control it with simple treatment that you usually find in the pharmacy, I called my mom and told her what was going on with me, she as I had expected rushed into helping me by then this was the begging-middle November. The next day after I told me mom she took me into a clinic that was somewhat near where she lived, there the doctor checked me and just to make sure did a urine test to see what else could be the problem. Then she came with the most shocking, scary, happy news of my life one of the issues she found was that I was pregnant.
What I am about to say is not that I am bragging or anything but I literally saw my life passed me by, I was in shocked, I knew it could be the reason but I never knew that would be. My mother reaction she cried, I will never understand if she cried of sadness, shocked or simply happiness seen at that moment my mothers face I knew why she did what seemed to be right for them, I had failed them more that I had ever did. The doctor told me mom that I need some vitamins and she gave me my prescription for my vaginal infection. The ride back to Sergio’s house was a long silent trip and it seemed to never end, I will never tell this to Sergio but I cried to his home I was happy but in the same time I knew this were about to change once again. My mother notice my tears and silently told me it was going to be ok, that it didn’t matter that my father would not understand but she did, she told me that baby would be my reason to keep going in this hard life that I had always to be living. In a weird way that made me feel better, in my return to the house I told Sergio about the news, I will never forget his face he looked in shocked but gave the biggest smile that I ever seen. Things after that seemed to be going so fast and furious that next thing I knew I was back in the house where it all began.
I hated to be back I hated my life, I hated my new reason but in the same time I seemed to love it more than anything in this world. I cried the first week strait, not because I was in pain or because I felt weak about all the things that were happening, or because I truly hated my child but because I blamed my self for all of the happening. Then my morning sickness started that I wont lie was the most horrible thing that could happen to anybody, anybody that is human and that is not a bulimic, when that finally was over my life seemed to be better in a way that even now I cant explain.
By my fourth month things started to look up, my morning sickness started to vanish I started to look up into my pregnancy I even wanted to my baby or at least see it if was just for a second. Now I am in my 25th week almost six months, there still a lot of ground that me and Sergio need to conquer, a lot of dilemmas seemed to be hanging into us but it seems to be going away slowly.
Now you may wonder I wrote this and I can honestly say I have no idea, what I do know however that maybe my life is just starting, am just starting to fly or maybe I already had. So you see it doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from life is a big circle or more like a cycle where anything can happen. But to me now it seems to be in a good hard cycle, because no matter how much money you have life is always going to be hard and us as human can only do one thing and that is keep going. I maybe not be genius or a famous writer although I wish was but like anything I keep trying. And maybe my once upon a time will come true………






                                                 The end.