The weight of everything.

As I sit and wonder, I can't help but wonder what people have to do to convince

themself their lives are going somewhere. I know and I see the daily struggle of the

pattern we've locked ourselves into. What deceit must a person know? What lies

must they practice? How can anyone pretend they can function in a city that

belches smog and suffocates dreams, goals and ambition. They say Edgar Allen

Poe was crazy. He wasn't crazy, he merely saw the truth in people and much like I,

that truth overwhelmed him. No series of words may flow from his pen, no ink may

tarish his soul. Once the truth is shown, the lies may never hide it again. Once it is

known, it may never be erased from our knowledge. Thats why people lose control,

they reach a point where any suffering is theirs and happiness is a thought, never

an action, a smile is a twitch and love is forgotten.

      Lies and hate spread like weeds in the soul and slowly kill the mind. The body

remains a shell, of what you ask? I know not. I just know that the shell is a tempory

thing. Once you embrace the lies and find them secure, the shell will harden and

trap you forevermore. Unbeknown to you your soul dies. A piece dies everday until

all thats left is the most basic part of your humanity, that which allows you to

interact but not change. The vines of lies trap you so you can only watch what you

know is wrong and no fight, sword, flame or weapon may free you. The only

salvation ye will have is to be strong enough to resist the evil. The influence of the

damned shall be cast off. Everyday I question my sanity. Why would I not? If i'm

not insane then surely everyone else must be.

    Hope and despair are the same. Only one damns you, the other traps you. The

damned shall know no hope since they know none is left. No soul may stop the

clock thats been ticking for thousands of years. That clock is the life and dreams

that slowly loses its ability to reason and cease to exist. Hope isn't hope it's

despair without admission. Love isn't enternal, Death is. Peace shall not be known

to any but the dead. Why you ask? Because life isn't a life, it's a test to see if

you're worthy. I know this you see and if peace is the reward of endless suffering

and despair. Why should I want to pass this test. The reward is a fleeting moment

verus the pain of eons. Why would that be just? Why would you admit defeat? If i'm

put on this Earth to open people eyes and suffer with them and help them through

this phase. Then god shall get naught but what he ask of me at the Pearly Gates.

I'll give no quarter and no answer to a question he does not ask. He owes me for

what he has asked me to do. Why should I suffer with those who know not that its

there. Why should I feel the pain of those who deny it. Only those that know and

accept the truth shall be spared and saved. I shouldn't see it and feel it from those

who do not see it as to what do they learn. They need to learn life lessons, they are

spared the cold steel of pain while I take it for them and they know not what they

missed.