Afternoon Musings

My heart is sad, estranged, an ache that seems constant and dull.
It makes my breath shallow, and my thoughts unclear, as if I have lost something and don't know where to look or even how to find it.
Its as if I am somewhere else, watching, only an observer and not a participant. 
Devoid of feeling, and care, unable to face what is not there.
Frightened that I will see that what is past cannot be regained, afraid that what I love most is not available to me.
I fear a truth that I cannot find, nor obtain what most my heart desires.
It is too painful, too raw, far from reason to even explain.
I am lonely though surrounded by so many. 
There is only one that matters, and I have some nagging fear he may be lost to me.
To live without his heart as mine, is no life with meaning. 
To say I love you is so inadequate.
My attempts to show care seem futile and hampered at every turn.
Time and Circumstance seem to be my greatest enemies and yet maybe it's my own sense of futility. 
I do love you as much and more than in my youth when youthful passion soared.
My heart is more grounded and to you steadfast, but so much more frail
I can only ask you to please forgive me where I fail,
I ask you please keep me in your heart,
Because there will never be a truer love for you,
That this world nor the next, cannot part.