A Family Lost

      My boys . . . my wife . . .. His thoughts tumbled around his brain.  What happened?

* * *

         Up early as usual, Sean cooked breakfast for his two sons, Charlie and Jesse. Charlie, twelve, was a brave pre-teenager just beginning to lose that child-like self-confidence. Jesse, nine, was still very self-confident and didn't care who knew. Sean's wife, Janie, was upstairs getting ready for work.

         "Okay, kids, let's eat."  Sean smiled at the eggs in the frying pan. This was his favorite time of day.

         "Dad, I want two eggs and two pieces of toast today." Jesse rarely asked for what he wanted - it just never occurred to him that he might not get it.

         "Can I have the same?"  Charlie put the note from his "almost" girlfriend into the small pocket on his book bag.

         "Sure, growing boys need lots of fuel."

         As Sean ate, and the boys inhaled breakfast, the school bus pulled up to the end of the driveway. They grabbed their stuff and ran for it.  Sean smiled as he watched them through the window.

         "Sean?  Could you help me with these socks?" Janie hated to admit that she needed help.  He ran up the stairs thinking about the modifications they would soon need to make to the house. He stopped abruptly when he saw Janie's face. Complete desolation.

         "Oh, honey, it's not so bad.  I love to put socks on your pretty feet!"  Sean was surprised. She'd had days when she couldn't put her socks on before - and she'd have a lot more of those days before it got even worse.

         "I know.  It's just that I've been able to do it for weeks this time.  I hate being such a burden for you.  You take care of the boys almost by yourself and now you have to take care of me, too.  Sometimes I'm just not sure it's worth it!" Janie wiped the tears away as they fell.

         "What do you mean ... it's not worth it?"  Sean's voice was gentle. "I hope you're not giving up on this family. You're the foundation - we all need you in so many ways!"

         Janie just looked at him. There was no way to respond to the strength of his assertion. She was no longer an integral part of this family, and she knew it had been her own choice to continue to work after the MS was diagnosed. How could she have been so wrong?

         "There, your socks and shoes are on. What else can I do to help you get to work today?" Sean stood and looked at her with all the love and expectation that he always had.

         "Nothing else. Thanks for the shoe help. Maybe we can drive together today?"  She struggled to stand.

         "Okay.  I'll get my stuff and meet you at the car. Okay if I drive?" Sean tossed the last question over his shoulder as he rushed down the stairs. He didn't wait for answer because he already knew that she wouldn't have suggested riding together if she felt comfortable driving.

* * *

         Sean's day at work started like they all did. Ride the elevator up, get coffee, turn on the computer, get voice messages, get email messages, greet the boss, greet co-workers. There wasn't anything out of the ordinary, and nothing pressing on the horizon. He settled in to do his job.

         The phone rang. His wife was on the other end.

         "I just got a call from the school. There's been a school bus accident. They're not sure, but they think it's our bus. Pick me up and we'll go get the boys." Janie gushed the words out.

         "Okay, I'm on my way. Just need to let the boss know. Meet you in front of your office, okay?"  Sean was already out of his chair and reaching for his coat.

         When he squealed to a stop, he saw Janie waiting at the curb.

         "Where exactly is the accident?" his voice was barely controlled as she got into the car.

         "They said it was on that bad curve near the lake. You know the one,"  her voice quivering.

         They drove in silence. Even breaking the speed limit, it still took nearly fifteen minutes to get to the area where the bus should be.

         "Where is everyone? I don't see anything," Janie whipped her head around, trying to find the crash.

         "Let's go a little farther up."  Confused, he wondered if Janie had misunderstood where the bus was.

* * *

         Sean accelerated to the next bad curve and slowed down. As they pulled slowly around the curve, the whole scene opened up. The school bus was on its side, partially in the lake. The tire marks showed that the bus driver had applied the brakes hard before going into the lake. There were children and book bags, lunches and musical instruments, scattered around. Sean and Janie looked at this odd scene for a few seconds.

         "Where are our boys?" Janie broke the silence.

         "I don't see them. I'm going over there to look for them. You stay here in case they see the car. I'll bring them back as soon as I find them." Sean jumped out of the car before Janie could respond.

         As Sean ran toward the children and bus, Janie pulled herself out of the car. She leaned on the passenger's side for what seemed like an eternity. Then she walked unsteadily toward the bus, being careful not to fall. People were milling around, and there was lots of yelling over the walkie-talkie noise.

         "There are kids trapped in the bus! I need some help over here!" shouted a police officer.

         Janie saw Sean racing over to the officer. She was scanning the kids who were sitting on dry ground. Some were walking around, but not going very far from the others. She couldn't see either one of her boys. Moving as quickly as she could and using the bus for balance, she felt her way toward the front of the bus. She stopped when she reached the water.

         Janie was alone. The rescuers were at the rear of the bus trying to open the emergency exit. It sounded like it was stuck, and they were yelling for help. Janie was at the very edge of the water, but she couldn't see anything inside the bus from there. She waded into the water.

         Suddenly, she lost her footing. As she fell,  her knee hit the rocks that formed the sides of this very deep lake. She slid down the rocks, unable to stop. As she struggled to keep her head above water, she saw some movement from the corner of her eye. It was Jesse in the windshield. His eyes were vacant. His hair and arm moved slightly, rhythmically.

         What's wrong with him?It wasn't making any sense to her. She needed to get closer.

         Regaining some footing, she used the bus as her guide, moving from the front bumper to the windshield. Her legs and arms were already shaking - not with cold, but with fatigue. She was wondering how she could get Jesse out. And where was Charlie?

         Getting close enough to the windshield to realize that Jesse was dead, she felt her stomach turn. The adrenaline rushed into her body making every nerve tingle. She didn't want to watch him floating there, inside the bus. But she couldn't look away. Then she had conscious thoughts.

         I've got to get out of here!

         The bus'll sink and take me with it.

         I can't leave without the boys.

         All of these thoughts raced around Janie's mind as she unconsciously continued to move toward Jesse. With no place to put her feet, she pulled the windshield wiper out  and held on to it.

         Pop! The wiper broke in her hand. Just as she realized what had happened, the bus started rolling toward her again. She imagined being under that bus when it reached the bottom of the lake, some one hundred and fifty feet below. Then she thought about Jesse and his dead body inside the bus.

         Where's Charlie? She had to find him. Flailing her arms and legs, she managed to catch the side mirror. She pulled as hard as she could, and propelled herself along the windows on the side of the bus. As it continued to roll deeper into the lake, she watched children's bodies floating. Lifeless. Then she saw Charlie.

         He was floating, bubbles escaping from his mouth. His eyes moved a little, and he saw her. He moved his hand, as if he were going to wave to her, but stopped. His body disappeared when the bus suddenly slid on a steep bank of rocks.

         Frantically, she kicked her legs and caught the lip of a window. Using that to hold onto the bus, she moved with the sinking bus. But she couldn't find Charlie. The bus hit something, bounced free of it, and started sinking quickly.

* * *

         Sean was helping at the rear of the bus when it started rolling farther into the water. He knew there were several children still on the bus, unable to get out before the doors were blocked by the rocks. The police officer grabbed Sean's arm and pulled him away from the bus.

         "Come on, man. It's too dangerous to be this close. We've done all that we can." The officer turned away from Sean and walked up the rocky shore to the other rescue people.

         Sean walked behind him. Scanning the kids scattered around the crash scene, he couldn't see his boys. Still confused about that, he looked at the car to make sure Janie was okay. He couldn't see her in the passenger side, but there was glare on the windshield. He started walking to the car to check on her.

         She wasn't there. Not in the passenger seat where he'd left her. Not anywhere outside the car, either. A whole new wave of panic took over.

         Running to the rescuers, Sean was shouting, "I can't find my wife!"

         The same police officer that Sean had helped earlier, walked to meet him.

         "Okay, okay. Hey, man, calm down. What's going on?" the officer reached out to Sean, but Sean side-stepped him.

         "My wife has MS and she's not at the car. I told her to stay in the car," Sean bent over, his hands on his knees and his head moving from side to side.

         "We'll help you look for her. Where do you think she might have gone?" the officer bent down.

         "I have no idea. Jesus, she's having trouble walking today. She can't go far." Sean straightened up. "The only thing I can think of is that she's looking for our boys."

         "Let's take a walk around and see if we find her," the officer said gently.

         "Okay."

         As they walked on the rocky ground, both men called out for Janie. No one answered. Sometimes one of the men would ask an individual if he had seen her, but no one had. Sean's stomach was rolling with fear. His head was throbbing. The officer took him over to an ambulance where the EMT made him sit down and gave him oxygen. They stayed like that for quite a while.

         Finally, a huge tow truck arrived to pull the bus out of the water. The divers had arrived just minutes earlier. Sean couldn't believe this was going on in his life. It seemed like a movie, it was so remote.

         After about four more hours, the bus was slowly being pulled out of the water. Sean took a step toward it, but the police officer put a hand on his shoulder.

         "Not now, buddy. The EMTs need to take a look at everyone first."

         Sean could only look at the officer's face and nod agreement. He had no energy left.

         On the other side of the bus, there was a commotion. Several rescuers ran around the bus, and two came back to the ambulance where Sean was. They grabbed a gurney and some blankets, but didn't look at Sean at all. Not that he would have noticed, because he couldn't take his eyes off of the bus. He was sure that his sons were in that bus, but he didn't want to know it for certain.

         The gurney went around the bus and nothing happened for several minutes. Then they brought the gurney around slowly. There was a black body bag, with a body in it, strapped onto the gurney. He couldn't take his eyes off of the bag even though he desperately wanted to look anywhere else.

         "We're sorry, sir, but we need you to see if you can identify this woman. I'm going to open the bag so that you can see her face. Then you'll need to tell us if you know her and who she is. Can you do that?" the EMT asked.

         Sean nodded his head. He didn't know that the police officer was right beside him. As the EMT opened the bag and Sean could see her face, he passed out. The officer caught him and lowered him down slowly.

         "Shit." Tears started rolling down the officer's face.

The End