Blimp's Terrible Affliction (revised)

My friend Blimp Hanlon might look as if he has it all together but I will let you in on a little secret. Despite his cheerful demeanor Blimp suffers from a terrible, strange affliction. I am going to give you two examples of how this problem manifests itself in Blimp's life.
Let 's begin by following Blimp to his trombone lesson on Monday night at 7pm.
Now it is always safe to say that, caught up in life's hurly-burly, Blimp has not had a chance to cast his eye over the week's musical assignment. There are always a million things he would rather do than practice his horn. So as he walks through the door to the band hall he is grossly unprepared and that is putting it mildly.
This creates in Blimp a state of nervous anxiety or dread. He knows what is going to happen to him at tonight's lesson but he is being carried forward on the conveyor belt and he is powerless to stop it. He knows he is doomed and the week is just getting started.
Mr Weigel, the band master has a great deal of barely suppressed anger inside. Weigel likes to station himself just behind Blimp's right ear with his foot on the back of Blimp's chair. He counts out the time in a loud voice while eating a corned beef sandwhich on rye. Weigel's breath blowing down on Blimp is never pleasant. The whole setup is unnerving and as Blimp flubs and flounders his way through the piece of music which of course he has not looked at prior to this lesson Blimp's terrible affliction is roused from its slumber.
It starts with the awareness that he is really flubbing up here and Mr Weigel is getting madder by the second.The relentless counting is growing louder, the pressure from Weigel's foot on the back of Blimp's chair makes it shake and Blimp makes mistake after mistake, God help him!
And then, deep within him comes the first quiver of hysteria.
Weigel spots it at once and pounces.
"What are you laughing at, you dumkopf? Didn't you practice?"
Blimp giggles, the tiniest sound and Weigel blows his stack.
"You think it's funny mister, wasting my time? Oh Gott, oh Gott, oh Gott!"
Blimp clamps his fingers to the chair and holds on as Weigel's wrath blasts down upon him in gusts of sour rye. You don't see this side of things when you attend one of the junior band's concerts . Blimp gets this 3 times a week and sometimes it happens in front of people too and this only adds to the strain. And they say a kid's life is easy. Now let's move on to the subject of Alanna.
Some of you may know that Blimp is sweet on Alanna Stevenson, whose father is the minister of the First United Church. Blimp would do almost anything to impress her and so it was that one Sunday he agreed,albeit warily, to accompany her to church. Now Blimp knew he was on shakey ground with her father to begin with and so he knew that he would have to be on his best behavior during the service.
Alas for good intentions.
Sunday morning found him wearing a borrowed suit and sweating nervously, perched on the edge of the pew beside his heart`s darling who looked as fresh and radiant as a lilac blossom in her best Sunday dress.
He was being stern with himself this morning. This was it now, he must behave. Alanna was a noticing sort of girl and the merest slip in his demeanor would bring about his downfall.
The black truth was, Blimp hated going to church. It was boring and its solemnity made him nervous and when he got nervous he got the giggles. It was a terrible,strange affliction that oft took him unawares.
God help him, he should have stayed at home in bed. But he was putty in Alanna's hands. Poor besotted fool!
From the start he hadn`t a chance, for when you are a nervous giggler the least little thing can set you off. He made it through the opening hymn he tells me but in his sensitized state he did notice that the lead soprano in the choir sang through her nose. He managed to suppress any unsuitable response to this but he prayed she might not be called upon to render a solo.
God spared him that one but during the sermon with Blimp sitting bolt upright piously attuned to the Pastor`s every word, a small boy in the front pew cracked a loud fart which resounded against the wooden planks and echoed round the church!
Poor, poor Blimp, damned perhaps right from birth. His laugh rang out to Heaven and the next instant every head was turned in his direction. Alanna quietly rose from her seat and left the building, leaving him there alone with his broken heart in disgrace.
If you are reading this Alanna, take pity on the poor benighted sod. He`s my best friend and he has a good heart deep down. It`s just that he has this terrible, strange affliction!
The End.