Dial H for Horning.

INT. DINER - NIGHT

Black screen.  The sound of CLOPPING HOOFS. A LOUD WHINNEY, followed by a STARTLED GASP. A SQUELCHING NOISE OF A HORNING, followed immediately by A WOMAN’S SCREAM is heard. CLOPPING HOOFPRINTS fade out, as a CHORUS OF ANGELS SING its departure.

FADE IN:

INT. DINER - CRIME SCENE - DAY

DETECTIVE JOSHUA REDSWIM (36), rugged and jaded, sits at a bar waiting. The Diner is somewhat dingy, not a dive, but not exactly ritzy either. He taps his pen against the bar impatiently until the COFFEE GUY (18), young but silver haired, walks up, cleaning a glass with a dirty rag.

COFFEE GUY
Ah, Detective Redswim, the usual?

Joshua nods. The Coffee Guy hands a pewter cup over. He gulps it down and BANGS it against the bar.

JOSHUA
Another.

COFFEE GUY
Now sir, are you sure that-

JOSHUA
I SAID ANOTHER!

SOPHIE (24), Joshua’s blonde and perky assistant walks up and rests a hand on Joshua’s shoulder as the Coffee Guy hurry’s off.

SOPHIE
Now Joshua...

JOSHUA
I know what you’re thinking Sophie. But I can handle it. I just need something to steady my nerves.

SOPHIE
Espresso shots don’t calm your nerves Joshua, they make you-

JOSHUA
I KNOW WHAT THEY DO!

Sophie steps back, startled.

SOPHIE
Joshua, we have a crime scene to look at. We need to-

JOSHUA
I know. I know. Here, kid,

Joshua throws an assortment of change onto the bar.

JOSHUA (CONT'D)
Take the night off.

Joshua removes his sunglasses.

JOSHUA (CONT'D)
(bitter)
I sure wish I could.

The Coffee Guy walks up and pockets the change.

COFFEE GUY
But sir, I thought you wanted to question me about-

Joshua nods, slightly abashed.

JOSHUA
Right, right. Go to the station and get yourself processed. We’ll be along shortly.

The Coffee Guy nods and scurries off. Joshua puts his sunglasses back on.

JOSHUA (CONT'D)
Well Sophie, lets get back to business. The business... of murder.

INT. DINER - MURDER SCENE - DAY

Joshua squats, removing his sunglasses to look at the dead face of SCARLET(20), a young redheaded murder victim. He peers at her for a second.

SOPHIE (O.S.)
What do you think, Detective? Is this tied to any of the other serial hornings?

Joshua stands up and looks down at the body. Inside the diner’s bathroom, her body is lying in the middle of the room, with yellow police tape surrounding the scene. Lots of blood. Hoof prints cover the floor. Sophie stands with a note-pad at the ready.

JOSHUA
I’m not sure. The evidence seems to suggest that. But I’m not sure. I’m not at all sure...

SOPHIE
But Josh, you’re usually always sure.

JOSHUA
Don’t call me Josh! She did, my wife. Before she died. Died tragically. So very, very tragically.

He stares into space, then shakes his head sadly and puts his glasses in his pocket.

SOPHIE
I’m sorry sir.

JOSHUA
It’s okay. Let’s just find some evidence before the morgue gets her.

SOPHIE
Yes sir.

Sophie walks up to the body and prods it with her toe.

SOPHIE (CONT'D)
Well, sir, the victim appears to be dead.

JOSHUA
Interesting. VERY interesting.

Sophie takes out her note book and starts to write down everything Joshua says.

JOSHUA (CONT'D)
Hmm. It seems the victim has had some sort of large pointed object jabbed through her gut. Seems... conical. Perhaps... a horn?

Joshua looks at the floor.

JOSHUA (CONT'D)
There also seems to be what seems to be hoofprints on what seems to be the floor. Also in the corner are the remnants of a rainbow, possibly out of a child’s dream. Also the sound of whinneying horses.

Sophie looks around, confused.

SOPHIE
How do you know sir?

Joshua raises his head to look Sophie in the eyes.

JOSHUA
Because I can hear them, Sophie. I can hear them echoing in my ears.

INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT HALLWAY - DAY

Joshua and Sophie walk and talk down the hallway.

JOSHUA
I’m not so sure about this guy Sophie. I don’t trust him. My gut is telling me to get out - and get out soon.

SOPHIE
We have to do this sir, if we don’t interview him, we’ll never find who killed that innocent girl. That so very innocent girl, that was so innocent. Girl.

JOSHUA
You never did learn to trust your gut. Always relying on your ‘evidence’ and your ‘facts’.

SOPHIE
Without facts and evidence, we’d never prove our case... Josh.

Joshua stops, and stares at Sophie in disbelief

JOSHUA
(shocked and offended)
Sophie... you know...

SOPHIE
Yes sir, I know. But how, Joshua? How did your loving wife of fifteen years who you met in high school and fell deeply in love with on your first date tragically die?

Joshua removes his sunglasses and stares off into space.

JOSHUA
It... it was tragic. We were young lovers. Married for fifteen years, we had the world ahead of us. We had our whole lives... until... until that one fateful night. Until that one night which ended everything. Which ended our bliss, and ended our love.

Joshua takes a deep breath before continuing.

JOSHUA (CONT’D)
We were in the park. It was dark. She said she had to go to the bathroom. My gut told me to not let her go. My gut told me to stay with her. But I ignored it. I ignored my gut. And she got horned. I don’t know by what, but she got horned. By a horn. She was horned, Sophie. In the gut.

SOPHIE
Which you ignored.

JOSHUA
Right. My gut, which I ignored. Something that night horned her. In the gut. It horned her in the gut with its horn. She was killed almost instantly, just giving enough time to give a moving speech about how much she loved me. She died of horning. She died of horning of the gut, Sophie. Her gut was horned, and... with that, she died.
(beat)
That’s how she tragically died, Sophie. That’s how she tragically died by a horn in the gut.

SOPHIE
So that’s why you always trust your gut. And that’s why you always take the cases involving this mysterious string of hornings.

JOSHUA
Yes, Sophie. My gut told me the truth. And it was a horning which killed her, with a horn.

SOPHIE
I see...

JOSHUA
With a horn, Sophie. A fucking horn in the GUT. I never found any evidence that could trace her horner. All I had were the sound of a horses whinny, a piece of horn, several hoofprints and some silver hairs on her coat. Practically nothing.

Joshua and Sophie arrive at the interrogation room door.

SOPHIE
Well. Are you ready to interview the suspect?

Joshua puts his sunglasses back on.

JOSHUA
I was born ready. That night when she got horned-

SOPHIE
Yeah, let’s go.

INT. INTERVIEW ROOM- DAY

Sophie and Joshua enter the interview room. The Coffee Guy sits nervously with both hands in his lap. Joshua stands behind a chair opposite the Coffee Guy, and removes his sunglasses. Sophie sits down next to him.

SOPHIE
Now, tell us what you saw the night of the horning.

COFFEE GUY
Well ma’am, I saw-

JOSHUA
For gods sake man! Answer the lady’s question!

The Coffee Guy nods, nervously.

COFFEE GUY
Well sir, I saw nothing.

JOSHUA
LIKE HELL YOU DID!

Joshua stands up and grabs the Coffee Guy by his lapels.

JOSHUA (CONT'D)
I have half a mind to wallop you in those non seeing eyes of yours, boy!

SOPHIE
Joshua! Please!

Joshua settles down a bit, letting the Coffee Guy go.  He puts his sunglasses back on.

SOPHIE (CONT'D)
Now, where were we?

COFFEE GUY
Well, Ma’am, I was saying I didn’t see anything suspicious that night. The lady, Scarlet, came in and ordered a coffee.

JOSHUA
(under his breath)
A likely story.

COFFEE GUY
So I gave her one. Then she went out to the bathroom, and came back horned. In the gut.

Joshua leans forward, suddenly interested.

JOSHUA
By a horn?

COFFEE GUY
Yes sir. A horn. In the gut.

Joshua whistles and leans back.

SOPHIE
Is that everything you have for us?

COFFEE GUY
Well... no sir. I know it might sound crazy but... Well, I think she’s tied into the serial killer that’s been loose lately.

SOPHIE
Really now?

COFFEE GUY
Yes sir, ma’am. I’ve noticed similar evidence left behind. Conical wounds; Silver hairs; Sounds of horses; Hoofprints. It all points to one thing...

Shocked pause.

SOPHIE
No...

COFFEE GUY
Yes. It was a manatee that did it.

JOSHUA
Of course. The horns. The hoofprints. The sounds related directly to horses. It all makes sense now.

Sophie stands up quickly.

SOPHIE
Quick! We have to move!

Joshua points dramatically.

JOSHUA
To the Aquarium!

Joshua and Sophie burst out of the room and run down the hallway. The SOUND OF THEIR FADING FOOTSTEPS can be heard.

The Coffee Guy sits in his chair for a moment, then gets up.

COFFEE GUY
...foolish mortals.

He smiles malevolently and he walks out of the room. A beat. The sound of a horse WHINNYING can be heard, then GALLOPING HOOFBEATS fade away.

FADE OUT.