only when it rains

As I stand here in the freezing rain
Allowing its icy raindrops to wash away my pain
And for a few moments I feel freed
Freed of all the pain and emptiness I feel inside
Why do I feel this way this overwhelming pain
As though I'm forced to feel this way for all eternity

Can I change it or am I forced to dwell endlessly
In the realm of darkness and despair for all eternity
As the rain soaks through my hair and clothes
Unnerving to the empty vessel I call a body

I try to cry the pain away as though my tears will free me
From the invisible chains that bind me to the darkness
And as the chains start to unravel burnt away from my tears
I start to feel relieved and rejoice for I am finally free

Freed from the overwhelming pain that seemed to never cease
As though trapped any longer in its intoxicating spell
There might not be anything left of me to save
The only remains of a lonely shadowy figure masked in darkness
A fragment of the being I once was
A mockery of who I used to be
A feeble attempt at trying to bring it back

For only when it rains do I get this feeling
As though there is hope for me after all
A way to forget the feelings I once felt
As though I can start to feel peace and happiness

For once I deserve to have the feelings I lost
Peace and happiness instead of sadness and despair
Though once the rain clears these feeling sadly return
Reminding me of the temporary peace I fight so hard to seek out
That only the rain is what helps me catch a break
The icy tears that I wept mixed with the icy rain drops
This mix of emotion and the element surrounding me
Is what helped free me from the agonizing pain
And the darkness that shrouds my heart and soul