Memoirs

Long have I lived as a shadow, an enigma, a phantom. My tale tells of a child, a youth a man. Born under the snows of mid April, I emerged as foretold by a prophetic dream of my mother's late grandmother. My earliest recollections are of a bearded metal worker, my father. The circumstances that lead to my being a shadow we'll discuss later. For now call me by my birth name J. It said that I have superb reflexes, sharp senses and can move like a cat. My father knew I was destined for great things. My mother tried to raise me right, but right never follows the wrong example. My mother had views and ideas that my father frowned upon. "Kat, the boy needs more discipline less thrashings for bad behavior! "J, minds best after his lessons!" Kat always sneered.I cowered aginst my father. It did no good to reason with her. Truth be told my mother was not as bad when she finally gave up the bars, the drugs, etc. My life got complicated when my parents divorced. I was heartbroken, but I got used to being alone in this world. Along came my second father, more abuse and more pain. Sexual, physical and mental abuse are not what makes a young boy into a well adjusted individual. I still have flashbacks from the years of 1979 to 1987. I became dark, distrustful as a result. I will spare no remorse as I explain my teenage years. 1987 to 1992 were difficult. I was amen awkward lad of considerable mental illness, coupled by binge drunks and drug experimentation; ah, the evils of drugs, sex and alcohol with a hip hop and heavy metal band dreams. My parents thoguht it best to live with an albeit conservative aunt and uncle. Truth is I was a wild child, leading a double lifestyle. Being me was further complicated by frequent afterschool brawls that earned me disfavor with the authoritarianists of my life at the time. My father became a preacher in 1986 and I chose to follow religion with disdain. it was not his fault. The church of my maternal relatives was southern baptist, my father was a pentecostal. See my confusion? I became a christian of my own beliefs at 14, turned from chuch at 16, to quiet faith at age 18 then became non affiliated nondemonimational at 25. I grew to hate organized religion because of my private life. Gangs and a short stint as a gigalo incuded my years of 19 to 25. I gave up on drugs detoxed and married a woman whom I detested later in life. Two kids I have, one is my shining ray of hope, the other is a self righteous snob. I later became divorced, and drifted away from normal life. Many feel I became a psychotic as a result of my life experiences. I still am shy three years clean and sober.
I'm involved with a woman who views me a living, breathing phenomenon...
I live quiet, mve quickly, and leave less than a trace of my steps. All due to my history.
I'm a legend among my peers, a rumor among my critics, a myth to those who easily see a shadow and cry"Who was that man?". I defy the laws of acceptability, social normality, and religious dogmatisims. Am I as monikered in my youth? A demon.
Only He who made me knows for sure. I am the nigthmare that walks! I am yin and yang personified. I know great power, yet choose a life of quiet. The less people realize the better. Am I man and mystery in one. Even my own kind unnerves in my prescence.

Who am I? Ask me and I might whisper it in the dark of night, or the afternoon shade.
I am J. Story told. 'Nuff said!