Final ponder

I giggled vacantly. The world had been making a funny sound, like listening to people talk while you’re under water. My blurred vision picked up nurses and doctors rushing around in the real world carrying clipboards and other medical mumbo jumbo. I watched them briefly until my eyes slowly found there way to the far wall, were a dull clock was hanging, ticking away time.
Time, time was all I had. I watched it carefully and vigorously as the needles of time began to jitter into a faster pace.
“That’s not fair! The clock is going fast,” I moaned urgently. A nurse close by turned towards me.
“Time is killing me! Make it stop! Make it stop!” I called out desperately. The clock moved even faster, the needles spinning around uncontrollably. I felt a familiar sting in my arm, another needle killing my time.
“That should help you relax Mr Wood”
I lost the feeling in my neck and it slumped down spite my efforts to keep watch on the clock. I could hear my pulse thudding in my head. Numbness swept my body again leaving me paralysed. Without time to concentrate on, my thoughts took over.
I was going to die a pointless death. Although, it seemed appropriate, I had lived a pretty pointless life. I let everything pass by; I never took hold of anything. Propagating deceit to myself to justify my laziness, I could have been anything. Now I’m nothing, dieing alone on a hospital bed.
I wonder what they do with people like me? No family or friends. Properly dump my corpse in the trash after raiding it for organs. Maybe I do have a purpose, a new kidney for some dieing old person?
I could have been rich!
On second thoughts, I really didn’t have the smarts for that.
I could have been a criminal?
If only, I was coward then and a coward now.
Am I afraid of dieing?
If I am, I’m too junked up on morphine to notice. Maybe I should pray? Screw that.
I could feel my mind slowly descending into the eternal dream. I began to close my eyelids as I managed a lonely tear. I felt it coldly slide down my face, like ice on my numb-ish skin.
I was scared.
I concentrated. I could fight this, I could beat it, my first ever achievement.
What was I concentrating on? My eyelids?
I pictured heaven. I imagined being greeted at the pearly gates with my health. Smiling with new hope and new opportunity. God would greet me with a cheerful grin and tell me everything was going to be all right.
“That’s it!” I muttered. I could see it now, the light and… and my parents. They would be waiting. They would cry as they saw me. Yes, it would be perfect. I would have a family again.
The light faded.
It was followed by a single, prolonged tone.
Nothing.