Heart break hotel

I am often so amazed by a certain concept that man cannot live without. Hate it or not, you cannot ignore it. It could take you so high one moment and drag so low in the next. All I can say is that "love" is an enigma yet unravelled.

With love comes heart break and on that intriguing emotion I wish to speak. Love is a risk and as it is in gamble, so it is with love. It could go awry within minutes without prior notice. When love goes sour, heart break is the resultant emotion. And God help you if it's your first ever!

When friends disappoint, I take it in my strides; but a break up with someone you truly love cannot be hidden. For me, it's like my heart is being snatched out of my chest and the pain is indescribable. I cry for many a days, loosing appetite and sleep. I deny reality as I cannot understand how someone who professed undying love just day(s), week(s), month(s) and year(s) ago can suddenly fall out oflove.
Where did the love go? Was it even love in the first place? What do I do with the love I still feel? Kill it? How?

Every day, i ponder on the cause of rejection. Was I too reserved, too outspoken, too complacent or simply too aggressive? Was I wrong to refrain from sex? Would it have made him stay? Could ... (you fill in the blanks) have been reason he left? These are the thoughts that run through my mind

Well as they say, time heals all wounds. And I'm sure glad it does; 'coz with each heart break, I become wiser. Even though I hurt, I no longer internalize the blame. I come to realize that the fault isn't always mine!

Maybe Johnny left, because he had to! And James withdrew; as he couldn't possibly give me the kind of love I sought. He was never one to give that kind of love in the first place; I would have known that straight away if I had looked at him through any other glasses than the love-tainted ones I had on when I met him. Maybe mark lied and cheated, because he was only human, underneath the guise of wealth and arrogance he carried around. And where I made my mistakes, I was just being human too.

Call me naive, but I've come to realize that just as things go bad, they could as well go right. So when I eventually find a Matthew that stays, I'd appreciate him more, for at least being different from the rest (see, heart breaks have their merits!).

With this wisdom gained comes peace; for now I know that, a break up is not totally wrong. It could be an opportunity giving room for the "good" to leave, so that a "better" person can come in; a person who'd appreciate my true worth as a friend and partner, a jewel and who'd truly love me. I still give my all to every relationship I go into, but now I do not hold on too tight, expecting a sense of fulfilment that only God can give.
I guess I've grown wiser with time. You agree, don't you? Well, I had to, for love could be a pretty strict teacher at times.