People I am ETERNALLY thankful to!

1. I haveto put my family here because though they are flawed and a major part of my eating disorder, they didn't give up on me and stuck by me, providing for all the necessary help, medical and psychological, that I needed. They tolerated my rage, my tantrums, my mood swings and these were pretty damn difficult to tolerate I imagine. They loved me despite the fact that I looked upon them with utter resentment. And they continue doing so. Without them, even though I probably would not have had an eating disorder, but the fact that they helped so much in dealing with it, and trying to make up for it, makes me thankful to be so fortunate to have them!


2. My first therapist and doctor, Elena Viktorovna (Kiev, Ukraine)--She saved my life--literally. She cared for me, and continues to do so, she is a big role model for me and I do love her like a mom. She hugged me when my family claimed that I don't want to be hugged (without even asking me about it), she took her own time to talk to me and when I moved back here, she continued to talk to me, listen and help me despite the fact that she was not being paid for it--this made me feel cared for. She made me feel worth something more than what I felt my worth was. She is truly a wonderful person and I am so so grateful to have gotten to know her! I see it as fate because for some reason I moved back to Kiev, after years and years of pleading, in the middle of the winter of last year! Totally spur of the moment and unplanned. I see that as fate. I will NEVER forget her and what she has done for me! Thank you SO much!





3. Stanford Hospital/Clinics--Okay, although they charge a shitload for their services, they pulled me out of the depths of relapse twice, this second time being essential for me! Though I was not in grave danger per se this second time, nor was I in the worst possible shape (as compared with last winter) this second time, they snapped me out of what would potentially have been basically my end. So I am thankful that this country has places like CCP that specialize in eating disorders, because though in the hospital in Ukraine I loved my therapist, I was on my own with the symptoms so I doubt I would have made it to this moment now.



4. Jill Rodgers-Quaye, another paid professional, my current therapist, and it took me about 6 months to even warm up to her, but I completely respect and admire her field of work. Dealing with stubborn, delusional and heavily troubled patients is no easy job, trust me on this one! One has to have real strength of psyche and mind to be able to handle it and not let it get to them. It is she who ultimately pushed me to make these recent realizations. I am so thankful to have her help!



5. Michele Vivas--my nutritionist. We had a real connection, she made me laugh when I wanted to cry, she pushed me to step out of my box, treated me like a normal person. If anyone ever needs a nutritionist, she is the person to go to!! I promise, you will NOT regret choosing her to help you with whatever.



6. Yana Fomina, love, thank you so so much for being there for me despite the fact that I was out of it half the time and was probably NOT the funnest person to be around. When everyone else gave up on me, you stayed by even though I gave you nothing of the sort in return. This means so so much to me, and I will never forget it! You are an amazing, caring, loving, strong person that will go very far in life! I am sure of that! And you will always  be surrounded by people who will love you because you have an amazing personality that will not be overlooked! I really admire your strength in dealing with difficult situations, your drive to do things and go somewhere in life, your independence, and the fact that you have overcome SO many of your own challenges—and all on your own! I had a whole fucking TEAM of people to help me! I love you, and wherever life may take us, I will never forget you!!



7. Sara—yes you Sara! J Believe it or not, but watching you get so active with your recovery, having you to talk to, really pushed me in these last few weeks to get my ass going with mine too! Watching you take these steps towards a life made me want to take those steps right behind you! So you say you love my statuses now, well hun, they are thanks to YOU! And when I share my story with whoever wants to hear, I’ll always have that ending of “I recovered with a girl named Sara, and this is how…” . I love you!! I’m always here to talk, don’t hesitate!



8. Jamie Foley—My best friend, my cub ;) and someone who has not left me when I became a pain in the ass. I whined to her, I complained, she watched me slide into the whole thing, she watches me slide out. She didn’t get tired of my tirades and didn’t ditch me like so many people had. That takes real strength because a person with an eating disorder is NOT easy to deal with, in the least bit! Jamie, I love you, I appreciate you more than you can imagine, you have helped me so much by staying by me, by not giving up, by being there for me. I will NEVER EVER forget you, EVER! And I never want to lose touch with you! I want us to be two old ladies, 50 years from now, sitting in rocking chairs and talking about all the good things we did in life. We may not live in the same country, city, state whatever…but I’m sure transportation will be a little more evolved.:)I love you James!!!



9. Alyona Khmelevskaya—She was the one who brought me to the clinic where Elena worked, she was the one calling MY parents and telling them how worried she was about me and that I needed help when they were blind to it, even though I looked near death! Even I knew I needed help! She was persistent, and cared that much for me. She writes, checks up on me, motivates me and although she’s backstabbed me a few times in life, I forgive her for it. People make mistakes, her good intentions are more than her bad ones. We grew up together, I knew her since I was 2 years old, we have home movies of her running down the path at our summerhouse with me when I was 2—its adorable. She is currently studying to become a psychologist, she is 21 years old. I love her and am so thankful to have her!


10. Tanya Mironova—friends since 1995, I stuck by her when people left her because she wasn’t up to par, because her family was less fortunate than all of ours’, and she returned the favor when others turned their backs on me. She walked alongside me on my “death marches” which is what my current therapist dubbed my 3-hour long power-walks that was basically self-induced torture prompted by my eating disorder. She listened to me. Often, growing up I took advantage of her quiet, submissive nature, I feel bad for that, but the fact that she didn’t let that stop her from staying by me means the WORLD to me. I love her, I will always be there for her!



There are many others who in one way or another served a part of my recovery, I cannot name them all but I thank whoever understood, whoever was brave enough to stand by, whoever was there to talk and listen. I thank all of you, I am fortunate and so so thankful to be alive today! To have realized my possibilities, the opportunities open to me, and myself! I can safely say that I am a VERY fortunate human being!