No Title Yet (Suggestions?)

                No matter who you are, or where you’re from, life is pretty much the same for everyone. As a child, you’re either a spoiled brat who gets everything you want or a perfect little angel always wearing a smile, probably because you have no clue what’s going on around you. As a teenager, you find yourself being trapped beneath the vicious labels given by your classmates. Maybe you made an A on the test that everyone else failed. I mean honestly, does that make you a geek? Its not like you even studied for it. You’re on the football team, so now you must be a dumb, conceited jerk. Maybe you like wearing black, so all of a sudden you’re gothic.  The list could go on and on; basically every school has its cool kids, losers, and just plain freaks.
         What most people who worship these stereotypes fail to realize is that their actions can and most likely will effect someone else. It will be an inspiration or encouragement to some, while to many; it causes them to do something so stupid they will pay for it with the rest of their life. A lot of teenagers feel like they have no purpose and their actions won’t mean anything to anyone else, but they couldn’t be any more wrong. Most of the time, you find yourself being helped by a person you’d never expect it from.
         Whether he intended on being just that to me or not, I may never know. But I do know that despite what anyone else says, he helped me out. It’s ironic how I would have never in my wildest dreams have thought he’d ever be there for me.

A few people you know. Surrounded by a lot of strangers. Deadly food. Pungent smelling buildings. Tons of work. Annoying teachers. Welcome to high school.
As the bus pulled in on my first day as a freshman at Elma High School, I had no clue what was in store. Sure, I expected a massive amount of paperwork. I even expected the alienated cafeteria food.  Of course there were only one or two people I knew in my classes. What, or should I say who, I wasn’t expecting was that boy.
         I walked through the door of a dull looking classroom. I thought that a gifted and talented room would be colorful, creative, and maybe even musical, anything but this monotony. I was the only student in there. I didn’t even see a teacher. Maybe I have the wrong room, I thought. I took another look at my schedule and was exactly where I should be. I grab my school bag and purse and start out the door, on my way to the principal’s office, when he walks in. “What are you doing in here?” I asked.
         He looked at me, and then rolled his eyes. “G/T. It’s not just for smart people. I got talent, and you know it.” With this, his school bag fell to the floor with a thud.
         “Ok mister, what’s your talent then?”
         “Watch this,” he grinned. He pulled out a pair of drumsticks from his back pocket and started banging them on the desk. It wasn’t really banging though; he had a really good beat going.  “I’m in a band now.”
         I would of believed him if it weren’t for the fact that he usually lied to me; he was really that good. “That’s nice. Do you know where the teacher is?” He could sense I didn’t believe him.
         “I’m serious. Look, sure, I used to be a horrible, lying kid, but I changed over the summer. I really am in a band. As far as the teacher, Katy, do you think I give a care? I don’t know where the teacher is. Are we the only two in this class?”
         Katy, wow. He usually calls me Kathryn. Maybe he did change. “I’m going to the office and see where the teacher is. You staying here?” Why did I even bother asking him? He wouldn’t be caught dead walking around with me. I would be considered a geek in his books. Jake was too cool for that, or so he thought, which is why when he decided to come I almost choked.
         Nice, I thought. The teacher wasn’t at school on the first day. This should be promising. “Jake, where are you going?” I asked as we were walking out of the office.
         “I thought you were smart,” he rolled his eyes and continued. “The principal just said he figured we were responsible if we were in the program. He was busy and told us not to get ourselves in trouble.”
         “So we can do whatever we want?”
         “Gosh girl, you are really slow.  Look, I’ll let you stay in the class with me. Just don’t get in the way.” He said this as if he were doing me some sort of favor.
         “Why would I want to stay with you? I think I’m going to go in the courtyard and reflect.” Reflecting in the courtyard was supposed to mean I would sit outside thinking about the world, about life, and then write what I discover. What it really meant was that I would go and draw hearts and write stupid love poems all over my notebook.
         “You would want to stay with me because even though you claim you don’t like me anymore, deep down you know you do. You can’t get enough of me. You think I’m amazing and can’t imagine spending any possible minute away from me. You love me, or at least like me with a really strong passion. That’s why you’d stay with me. Admit it.”
         I wished I never asked him that. Jake Trenton. He used to hold the key to my heart. I don’t remember where it began, but somehow last year, I thought I had fell in love with him. I was wrong. Love goes both ways, not just one. He was the last person to find out that he was the reason for the smile that crossed my face. We talked a lot, I mean isn’t that what friends do? After he found out that I liked him, we still talked. But I was aware he’d never like me. Sometimes, I still thought about him. But I was over him. I mean why like someone who doesn’t like you back? Now that I think about it, he can be a bit of a pain sometimes.
         “Jake, no,” I tried to think of some logical excuse. “I don’t even know why I liked you in the first place. None of what you said is true. The only reason I’m staying with you right now is because I have nothing better to do and don’t know where to go.” Honestly, I wanted to say, You rock! I love drummers and you my friend, are awesome. I was a sucker when it came to drums or guitars. I have been to more concerts than some people go to in their life.
         And so I began the school year in a room alone with him, out of all of the kids in the school, it was him.
         Days like this happened quite often, I later realized. The G/T teacher would only be able to make classes on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and every other Friday. So that meant the Jake and I would be spending a lot of time together. Had this been last year, I would have thought I was the luckiest girl alive. This year, I thought things couldn’t get any worse. It was obvious, even to Jake, that I would soon be caught falling all over again for him. Is that a bad thing? The teacher decided that we needed something to show for the days she wasn’t there. I had to create a writing portfolio. Jake had to write a song. He could play the drums, but he would definitely need some help with every other aspect of the song. Even he realized this, and asked me to help him.
         It was decided. He’d create the cover page for my portfolio, and in return I would come up with some lyrics for his song. Pretty fair deal, I thought.
         “So, what am I supposed to make this cover page look like?” he asked the day we made the deal. “I mean I can draw it, but you have to tell me what to do.”
         I thought about this. The cover had to represent not only the contents of the portfolio, but also me. “For starters, put KATHRYN on it.”
         “I’m putting KATY. KATHRYN is so unnecessary, KATY is more laid back, more confident. Anyway, continue.”
         “I want there to be a pen against a paper, with the beginning of the word simplicity being written. Draw a heart with uneven shades and a single eye with a tear developing in the corner. Then add whatever else you can think of.”
         Jake shook his head. “Why do you want a teary eye? Your poems aren’t that depressing, at least the one’s I’ve read on your MySpace. You’re usually always smiling or laughing. The eye has nothing to do with you.”
         He read my poetry? Should I tell him why a crying eye? No, he doesn’t care. I cant tell him that. I cant believe he read my poetry. He thinks I’m a happy person. Wait, he pays attention to me? Honestly, I’m sure why this made me as happy as it did.
         “Kathryn? Are you listening to me?” I hadn’t answered his question.
         “Sorry, what did you ask?” I knew what he asked. I was hoping he would just say to forget it.
         He didn’t. “I asked what makes you want a crying eye on your cover?”
         “Don’t worry. It’s nothing. If it’s that big of a deal, don’t draw it.”
         “You have a secret, don’t you? I can tell. There’s something bothering you, and you can’t tell anyone about it,” Jake was either smarter than I thought, or just really good at putting together puzzles.
         “Just forget it, please. Let’s start working on your song, now.” Typically, Jake would have kept going on about it, but this time he didn’t. Can he tell that I have a secret? Does he know it, already?
         “Okay. I want the song to be something about life. I like what you wrote about life not stopping for any person, it knows no labels, it has no rules, everyone’s equal, one day you will lose. Stay close to those you love or life’ll take them all away. I read it in one of your poems. Can I use it?”
         “Umm, sure. Hey, what time is it?” I had to get out of the class and fast.
         “We still have thirty minutes. What’s your deal?” So he noticed it too.
         “I don’t have a deal. I just have some things to go do. I’m sorry. I’ll help you with your song tomorrow. Sorry.” Why am I apologizing? I didn’t do anything wrong.
         “Whatever. Bye. Don’t come back until you get over whatever your problem is. You’re so out of it today.” For once, Jake spoke the truth.
         
         I was by the water fountain down the hall when I heard him. He was running to catch up with me. I didn’t know what it was, but something was different in his tone of voice. “Kathryn, wait up.” I didn’t. “Stop. I know you heard me. Just wait a second.”
What does he want?  “Look, I’m sorry. What more do you need? Just leave me alone, okay.”
         By this time Jake was standing next to me. “You forgot your notebook,” he said, handing it to me. “Don’t worry about today, obviously I must have said something.”
         Just grab the notebook, say thanks, and walk away, I told myself. “Thanks.” I was keeping the plan. I was walking away, or at least trying to.  I hadn’t noticed him place his hand on my schoolbag. Great. Just great! 
         “Whoa Bessie, not so fast,” and with this I rolled my eyes. Sarcasm was unquestionably Jakes trademark.  “Anyway, like I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me, I must have said something, without realizing it, that offended you in some way or another, and I’m sorry.”
         I was impressed. He didn’t apologize, to anyone. It just didn’t happen. “It’s okay. Sure, you said something. More than one something, actually, but you didn’t know. Don’t worry about it. You’re right; I do have some things I need to get over. It’s just complicated.” With my schoolbag and myself way out of his reach, I began walking again. If there was one thing I learned that day, it was that Jake was full of surprises.
         “You aren’t the only one with a complicated life, you know. Look, come back and lets work on my song. It’s going to be too quiet if it’s just me in there, and I really need to finish it. Come on, you promised you’d help.”
         So I did. I stayed with Jake. Surprisingly I enjoyed myself, too. He joked around, but not the whole time. Neither of us spoke about my little episode that had previously occurred.  His song was really coming along. I was proud of him and me. The cover page was looking good, too. He agreed to draw the eye if I would tell him why. I wasn’t sure about this. He wouldn’t be drawing it any time soon.

“Kathryn, pick up the phone, it’s some boy,” my mom shouted across the house. My parents are divorced, have been for as long as I can remember. It was my first day at her house in a year. Who is calling me here? I’m not sure how he had got my number, but Jake wanted me to go to his house. He had finished my cover page and the song. It was Friday and we didn’t go back to school until Thursday because of some renovating reasons. I wasn’t sure what to say. I couldn’t just go to his house without telling my mom, and after everything that had happened there’s no way she would let me go alone. Do I even want to go? I couldn’t fool myself; I was dying to see the cover page. The song must have been awesome, too, if he couldn’t wait for me to listen to it.  I had to figure something out.
         I couldn’t believe it had taken me so long to think of it. “Mom, that was Sissy’s step-brother. She was busy and so she got him to call. She heard I was in town and we want to meet at the mall. Is that okay?” Sissy was my older cousin. We used to be best friends until we had gradually drifted apart. We barely kept in touch, and I hate to admit it but maybe it was for the better. Truth was, Sissy was out of town. I had already called her, making sure she could cover for me if my mom called. “What do you think?”
         “Don’t worry, Sissy already called. Be back before nine though, I have a surprise for you,” this was going easier than I thought. There was one thing I didn’t think of though, How do I get there?
         I picked up the phone. After debating which number to dial, I finally decided to call Jake. I explained to him that I could go, but I didn’t have a way to get there. I also had to tell him that my mom thought I was with Sissy, and about the plans I had previously made before coming up with this problem. I realized, after I said it, that it would send up a red flag in his head. He would no doubt end up asking me why I lied to my mother. I felt so stupid when he thought of something in a matter of seconds that I should have been able to come up with.
I gave my mom a kiss on the cheek and told her that my ride would be here any minute. Sissy called and told my mother that she was running late and would get a friend of hers to pick me up and drop me off at the mall, where I would then meet up with her. Needless to say, back in the real world, I owed Sissy big time. Jake had his permit. Elma’s a small town. The cops aren’t too pushy with the laws, so having a permit basically meant that he could drive anywhere without getting in trouble, as long as he didn’t give authorities reason to stop him.
It was cold outside. I couldn’t go back inside for a jacket because that would give mom an extra opportunity to start interrogating my plans.  I wasn’t good at lying, or keeping a story straight. The wind started blowing really strongly. I took the ponytail holder off of my wrist and quickly put my hair up. A few moments later, he pulled up.  Had you asked me if this rendezvous were anything significant, at the time I would’ve said no. Ask me now, and I’d tell you the opposite.
When I got in the car, he noticed me shivering. “Here,” he said handing me his jacket from the backseat. “Where’s your jacket?”
“I didn’t realize it was going to be cold,” I said.
“Well, the heater’s broken. The song is really good. I can’t wait until you hear it.”
I smiled, not knowing what else to say. That’s when it finally hit me. Jake had been treating me differently so far this year. “You know, I was just wondering. What’s up? I mean like why are you acting so different around me lately?” I said this without thinking, and now here it was, vocally stated.
         Jake looked as if someone had just slapped him clear across his face. “I don’t know, never thought I was. Are you sure it’s not just you? I mean you have been someone, anyone other than Kathryn, lately.” He had a point. It would have been okay if he would have quit there, but no, stupid had to go on. “You have some explaining to do. You owe it to me.”
         I was about to ask him what he was talking about, but I was saved, at least for the moment. We had pulled into his driveway. What I saw was what I least expected. I always pictured Jake living in a nice brick house or something of that sort. I thought he was the kind of kid who told his parents what to do, instead of the way it should be. I pictured him being spoiled, to put it politely. He lived in a trailer. His mom was at work. His dad had left when he was nine years old. If he wanted a home cooked meal, he had to cook it. If he wanted a new phone, he had to work to pay for it himself. He was something I would never be able to pull off, independent.
         He led me to his room, where not only was there a drum set, but also a guitar. “First things first,” he said. “Shall we?” I wasn’t sure what he was talking about until he turned on his stereo. He really was in a band, and he had them help him out with the music. He had a recorded copy of the song. I had no idea what I was in for when he pushed the play button. He was right. It was good. It was really good. It was missing something though, words. “I need you to help me put the words to the music now. I printed your poem, remember, the one I wanted to use.”
         Yes, I remembered. It’s something that would be nearly impossible to forget. I had written that poem the night it happened. That poem was the reason I wanted a crying eye.  Like so many nights after that night, it represented myself, the crying. Katy, I told myself, take control. You can handle this. What I said next surprised both of us. I think it may have surprised me more than him. “You know, I have a boyfriend.” It was so random and out there, but at the same time, it wasn’t. “Well, I’m not sure if I still do or not, to be honest, but I did.”
         Almost as if he had planned on me saying this, on me telling him about everything, about that night, it was his turn to speak. “How can you be unsure if he’s still yours or not?”
         The words were coming out almost too fast. “Because of that night. Because of the night that caused everything.”
         “What night? Everything? Everything like?” The way our conversation was going, you would have sworn we had rehearsed it thousands of times. We both knew what we would say before the other even finished what they were saying.
         “Do you really want to hear this? If you say yes, just remember you asked,” I think I was trying to stall. Should I tell him this?
         He looked at me. No, actually, he looked into my eyes. This was the first time I noticed the magical blue oceans in his eyes. It was like he was trying to search deep within me for all of the answers to his questions. It was like he knew that if he saved me from telling the story myself, he saved me from a recollection of pain and sorrow. A few seconds passed, and then he shook away from the bondage of our held gazes. He nodded, as if telling me there was no other way, that I had to tell my story. “Yes, I really want to hear. Please tell me.”
         And so I began describing that night’s events:
         The night made two years we had been together. We celebrated. We went eat dinner at the finest restaurant in town. Following dinner, he had a surprise for me, he said. Had I been seventeen years old, I was have suspected it to be a proposal, that’s how much we loved each other. But I was only fourteen; he was sixteen. So a ring was out of the question. I had absolutely no clue what the surprise was. I still don’t. That night I found out a lot of things. I found out he was a drug dealer. Normally, I would have been furious to find such a thing out, but not that night, not the way I found out. Instead of being furious, I was frightened.  A boy, he couldn’t be any older than Noah himself, showed up. He completely ignored the fact that I was there. He was angry because Noah didn’t bring him his end of the deal. Mark, which I later found out was his name, had already paid Noah. Noah, however, didn’t return his end of the bargain, at least not soon enough. He used the money to pay for dinner. He wouldn’t be able to give him his drugs until the next day, because he wanted to be truly devoted to me. All I remember after the small talk between the two was Mark holding up a gun to my head. Noah pulled out his own gun that I didn’t even know he had. He shot Mark, right then, right there. It was like it was out of reflex; he didn’t seem to take any time to think about it. I was the only witness around. He turned to me and told me that I would have to testify in court about it being in defense, that he saved my life. Without replying, I asked him about the drugs, and he promised he would change. He said if it meant losing me, then he could do without. He said he would get a real job. I was starting to wonder if the two years age difference was maybe too much of a difference after all. I promised to give him another chance, and he promised to change his life. He also promised to make it up to me. For the court case, he wasn’t sentenced for killing Mark. Had he not done so, I would have been the one dead. He was, however, sentenced for illegal possession and distribution of narcotics. He’s been in jail for almost two months now. He still has twenty more to go. His lawyer said there’s a possibility of his getting off sooner, but the chances are slim. We write almost three times a month, but it just isn’t the same. Every letter from him says the same things, too. He apologizes numerous times and promises to make it up to me when he gets out.
         As I finished telling Jake this, he was dumbfounded. He just sat there looking at me for minutes that lasted an eon. I told myself I did the right thing by telling him. I figured it was good that someone knew my story now, besides just Noah, my mother, and me.  This, I thought, was a big step on my part; being able to admit what had happened, knowing it happened and that I cant change that.
         “If you two were going out, and you really loved him, then what about everything with me last year?” After what I just told him, this was the first thing he wanted to know? I knew it; I thought to myself, he doesn’t care about me. He’s just nosy.
         “It started off that I just said that. With my real boyfriend in jail, I didn’t want people to find out I was dating a criminal. By saying I liked you, no one even gave the possibility of me even having a boyfriend a second thought. Somewhere along the way, I started to really be interested in you. Maybe it was because I no longer had someone able to show me the love and attention I longed for. Maybe it was just my way of trying to forget what happened. I really don’t know.”
         “So,” he began, “what you said about not liking me anymore, it was true then, wasn’t it?” I thought I noticed a different look in his eyes, one of disappointment. It was probably just me, though. What does it matter to him?
         “I mean don’t get me wrong. Lately, I realize you’re a lot cooler than I thought you were. But the thing is, I’m not sure if I can like you like that.” Gosh, I’m being so stupid. Why am I acting like he wants me to like him? Maybe he does, Katy. No, Jake already said he would never like Kathryn. Sure, but did he say he would never like Katy?
         “Why can’t you?”
         Oh my goodness, I thought to myself. I had completely lost track of time. “What time is it? I have to be home for nine.”
         “Then we better get going. We have five minutes to make a ten minute drive.”
         I called my mom before we left. I told her that we were stuck in traffic and I would be home as soon as possible. She seemed not to mind. I relaxed a bit, sort of hoping Jake would take his time getting me back.
         I forgot how cold it was outside when I had left the house. Now, it was even colder. I regretted leaving Jake’s jacket on his futon. I didn’t let him see how cold I was, though. The way this night was going, I wouldn’t have been surprised if he would have took off his shirt for me to wear. The night had been strange enough. Neither of us spoke for the longest time. Finally, about two streets from my house, I told him to drop me off there. He didn’t question me. I said bye, but instead of telling me bye in return, he said, “Don’t worry, I wont tell anyone about tonight. I mean, like what you told me.” I nodded and walked toward my house.

         I got home six minutes after nine. I forgot that the reason I needed to be home for nine was because my mom ha a surprise for me. As I walked through the doors, I could tell my mom had been waiting for me. She lifted her head from the magazine she was reading. “So, your finally home. Now I told you I had a surprise for you, but don’t get your hopes up, I know it isn’t much. First things first; why didn’t you buy anything with Sissy? Didn’t you two go to the mall?”
         I nodded. “I just wasn’t in the shopping mood. I bought Sissy some new earrings though, a late birthday present.”
         “Oh. Well, here. It isn’t all of it though,” saying this, she handed me a small box. I almost cried when I saw what it was.
         “Mom! How? Never mind. I love them,” I said, thanking her for the beautiful earrings I now owned again. Yes, again. The night I was with Noah, I was wearing a pair of earrings that had belonged to my grandmother before you passed away. When Noah shot Mark, I thought they were ruined. My white dress, my purse, the earrings, they were all covered with his blood. When my mom came pick me up at the police station, I didn’t say anything, I just placed her mother’s earrings into her hands and began sobbing again. I had never cried that much in my life before. All the while, Noah was trying to comfort me, assuring me everything would be all right.
         “Okay,” my mother began, “ready for the rest of your surprise?”  I nodded and the she motioned for me to follow her into the kitchen. I noticed she had two things in her hands now. The first looked like a newspaper clipping. The second was a letter.  She handed them to me and then headed to her bedroom after telling me goodnight. I heard her high heels clank up the stairs. A few moments later I heard the shower turn on. Without looking at what I now held in my hands, I went to my own room and changed into my pajamas. I brushed my teeth. I put my hair in a ponytail to get it out of my face. Then, I sat on my bed and reached across to the nightstand. I had no clue what the newspaper clipping was about. I did, however, know who the letter was from. 
         Dear Kathryn,
                   I want to start off bye telling you that I still love you as much, if not more, as the day we started going out. I know this is really tough for you, being so young and all. You have been through more than I ever thought you were capable of handling. Tomorrow, I will go in front of a judge and find out just how long for sure I am staying in Juvi Hall. When I get out, I will have to do a lot of community service and stuff, so it may be a while yet for us to see each other. I’m really sorry about everything. Believe me, if I could go back in time, I would. But I cant. I understand if you want to just forget about me. It kills me knowing that I cant be there to love you like a decent boyfriend should. I didn’t forget about that surprise I promised you either. No matter what happens with us, I will still give it to you. Please write back to me. It’s been two months and you still never wrote.          
                                                                     Still your boyfriend?
                                                                     Noah

         I put the letter on the side of me and began to read the newspaper clipping.
         The Daily Reach – October 14, 2007
         Teenage Boy Declared Hero and Still Locked Up?
         Shouldn’t 16 year old Noah Michaels be rewarded in some way for saving the life of Kathryn Renolyds? Many believe this is ridiculous keeping the young boy in Juvenile Hall. If it weren’t for his bravery, his girlfriend would be dead now. Police say what many fail to realize that the whole situation could have been avoided had Noah not been selling illegal substances. Many citizens of Elma say that Noah has always been a great boy. He volunteered for the elderly and could brighten anyone’s day. Arguments say that drug tests prove he wasn’t using drugs and that it was Mark Lerts choice to purchase them, the same as a door to door salesperson. Police say that its one thing for salespeople selling encyclopedias or vacuum cleaners, it’s a total different case with illegal merchandise. Citizens also say that Mark was the one looking for trouble, not Noah. Noah has been serving time for almost three months now. After his time at the Hall is over, he is still required to do many hours of community service. What would it hurt to let him off early? We’re not asking for police to bend the law, we’re just asking them to realize what he has done right, rather than what he hasn’t. A court case will be brought up in this matter on October 15, open to the public.

         The part that upset Kathryn was the very beginning. Now everyone in Elma would know that Noah, the teenager in jail, was also her boyfriend. It wasn’t that she was ashamed of him; it was the fact that she had tried so diligently to keep in on the down low. Now, any citizen in town had the opportunity to find out the truth, the truth that she wouldn’t volunteer.  Not knowing what else to do, she began to write a letter.
         Noah,
                   I’m not sure what to do. I’ve tried so hard to keep everything that happened away from everyone. I guess I thought that by ignoring the fact that it happened, it might somehow alter everything that’s happened. I got home tonight and my mom had a surprise for me. First, she gave me the earrings that I thought I would never see again, my grandmother’s. She also handed me your letter and this newspaper clipping. I do still love you.
                                                                               Always,
                                                                               Katy

I wasn’t finished, though. I then began to write another letter, this time to Jake.

         Dear Jake,
                   I’m not really sure if you care about it or not, but I thought I should write you because you are, well were, the only person I had told what happened to. My mom handed me a newspaper clipping when I got home from your place. In it, it talked about how they want to let Noah out and some reasons why. What hurt me was that the public now has access to the fact that I am his girlfriend. I’ve tried so long to keep that unnoticed, and within minutes, its ruined. I’m worried about what classmates will say or think. Will they think that I bought drugs from him? Or worse, that he gave them to me? Will they try to be all sympathetic around me? Or will they just start rumors?  I don’t know what to do. I know that this isn’t your problem or anything, but I just thought that I’d tell you this, maybe since at the moment, you’re the only person I can. I’m so confused now. Oh, and bye the way, I never did get to see the cover page. I guess now you get to draw the eye.
                                                                     Always,
                                                                     Katy.
P.S. He wrote me another letter. He says he still loves me but understands if I don’t feel the same way. I don’t think I’ve ever been this confused before. Ugh.

         I put both letters into the envelopes and addressed them. After, I went to bed, well at least tried to. I had nightmares all night long. Three stood out the most to me.
         The first was about that night. Instead of what really happened though, Noah didn’t save my life. In fact, after Mark shot me, Noah laughed, then handed him the drugs. After Mark got what he wanted, he turned around, but then I noticed a look on Noah’s face. He then realized that I was dead and shot himself. That’s what I thought was happening until I realized that Mark had turned back around and was the only person still standing. Noah hadn’t died right away and yanked my earring off my ears and throw them to Mark. Then, I woke up.
         The second dream was about my night at Jake’s. Everything was the same. But it didn’t end with me walking home for my surprise. It ended with me falling asleep in his car, and him driving me some place in town that I had never before been. After he parked, he poked me in my ticklish spot on my side, waking me up. When I woke up, he handed me a box with those earrings. I was confused, and all of a sudden he turned into Noah. We were no longer in the car, now we were both at Juvi Hall. People were pointing and staring at me. I got scared and tried to run, but Noah stopped me and said if I left, Mark’s friends would kill me. He told me that the Hall was the only safe place for me.
         The third dream was probably the scariest. It began in the gifted and talented classroom. Jake and I were alone. The door closed and then locked. I was crying. Jake looked at me and then hugged me. Then I tried to get away from him and he started chasing me around the classroom. The drumsticks in his back pocket turned into a gun. He pointed the gun at my head and then pulled the trigger. I was sure I was about to die. The gun was out of bullets, though. I tried to get into a corner, thinking it would be easier to stand up to him. I was dead wrong. He was a lot stronger than I thought and held me back, his hand against my throat. He started telling me that he knew my little secret. That him and Noah had planned the whole thing. He said that I was supposed to die that night, not Mark, his stepbrother.
         I woke up in a sweat. Terrified to move, I reached for the remote control to the television. Go figure, the batteries were dead. I looked at the clock on my nightstand. It was twelve noon. I pushed myself to get out of bed and I took a nice warm shower. I felt a little saner afterwards. I walked downstairs and told my mom that I was going hang out around town and that I would be back some time later.
         I walked to the post office and dropped Noah’s letter into the box. I threw Jake’s letter into the nearest garbage can. I took a taxi to Jake’s house. Fortunately, he opened the door. “Do you want to come in?” he asked.
         I told him no and asked him if he could come walk outside with me. After the previous night’s dreams, I didn’t think I would feel entirely comfortable in a room alone with him. “Jake. Why did you lie to me? Why have you been faking me out?”
         He looked a bit surprised. “What are you talking about?”
         “Don’t act like you don’t know. You knew my secret the whole time.”
         He no longer could look me in the eyes. “Okay, so where are you going with this?”
         “Just answer this one question for me. You said your dad left when you were nine. Did he get remarried?”
         “What does this have to do with anything?” This time, he was honestly oblivious.  Maybe I thought I had everything figured out, and was really wrong. I debated on continuing.
         “Just answer the question. Do you, did you have a stepbrother named Mark?”
         His faced turned serious. “I guess you figured out you aren’t the only one with a secret. Now do you get what I meant when I told you that you weren’t the only one with a complicated life?”
         I just looked at him. He had more to say, I could tell. “Hey, look. I’m sort of getting hungry. I didn’t eat yet. Why don’t we talk about this later? Let’s go get something to eat, my treat. You just drive.”
         It was my turn to save him from pain. “Okay. I’m going grab a jacket, though. Should I grab two?” He laughed. I didn’t.
         I didn’t notice that my arms were covered with goose bumps. It didn’t seem like we had been outside for as long as we were, either. I smiled at him. “Yes, I think you will need to grab two.”
         Once we both were in the car, it was his turn to tell his story. And like he had done with me the night before, I patiently listened.  “I told you that my dad couldn’t care less about me. So you should be able to imagine that when he told me that I had a stepbrother, I didn’t really pay any mind to it. It wasn’t until he told me that he was dead that I started feeling guilty about not wanting anything to do with him. He didn’t tell me how he died though. When I read his obituary my father mailed to me, that’s when I realized what had happened, your story. I didn’t feel bad for him anymore. You were the first girl that ever liked me for me, and not just my skills, or not just my looks, at least I thought.” I couldn’t lie. Jake was a very attractive boy. His dark brown hair gently fell over his eyes, his beautiful blue eyes. When you saw him smile, you would swear that God had just sent down angels from the Heaven above. “I couldn’t imagine what it would have been like had he of killed you. Sure, I said I’d never like you, but that didn’t mean I hated you or anything. And I told you, I changed over the summer.” I was still taking in what he said. I was about to ask him something when he continued. “I hoped that if no one ever found out about Mark being my kin and all, that maybe I would forget it happened. You know, you never really know just how one little screw up will effect someone else. It’s just so unexpected.”
         I couldn’t understand why I had fallen for him last year, but I certainly knew why I was starting to like Jake Trenton all over again. “Wait, so it wasn’t just me? You really have been treating me differently, then.” He nodded.
         “You know,” he began, “all of this stuff that’s been happening, it seems like it would be something off of the Lifetime channel. My mom watches that.” We both laughed. For the first time in a while, I wasn’t afraid of being myself. I wasn’t afraid of being completely myself.
         We ate at Taco Bell and then just drove around listening to music. It wasn’t just music; it was Jake and his band. “Thanks for helping out, that song is our best one yet.”
I was glad he said this, it reminded me of something I needed to take care of.
         “Jake, let me see the cover page.” I wasn’t asking him, and he could denote that in my voice. “I take it you drew the eye, right?”
         “Something like that,” was all he said. We went straight to his room when we got to his house. He grabbed a manila folder and handed it to me. I opened it slowly. I was taken aback when I first saw it. Everything I asked for was there, better than I could of pictured it. Katy, the pencil, the heart, even the eye. The heart was not only unevenly shaded, but also had several tiny cracks along the edges. There was a flower in one corner with a finger picking at the petals. In the opposite, top-right, corner, was my name. The heart was on the top-left corner. It was colored with different shades of blue with a pink shadow. The pencil was in the left-bottom corner. In the center was the drawing that defined not only the portfolio, but also Jake and me. There were two eyes. One eye was blue with a glimmer of light in the top corner. The other eye was an emerald green with a tear in the corner. The tear had not yet fallen, and seemed to be floating upward towards the light in Jake’s eye. He was evaporating my tears, taking them upon himself. The message of the picture? I’m not sure what he was going for, but to me, it told me that I was no longer alone.  Maybe I never had been. Perhaps it was all in my head, me being alone and all. Regardless of what may have been, I was certain, more certain of this than my own name, that Jake and I were falling deeper and deeper everyday. What were we falling into? Some may have their own theories, but the truth was obvious. The two of us had defied the everlasting stereotypes and fallen in love.
            I had to chose. Noah or Jake. Noah, he was my everything at one time, until he became nothing. Jake picked up the pieces left from when Noah shattered my fairy tale romance. Noah taught me how to love. Jake loved me. Jake understood me. Noah hasn’t spent time with me for three and a half months. I promised Noah a second chance. Noah understood if I wanted to move on without him. Jake was helping me move on. Jake was there for me. I can’t change the past. Noah messed up. Noah broke our life. Noah broke our love. Jake helped me see through another’s eyes. I pick Jake and I break my promise to Noah. I pick Noah and I lose any chance with Jake. I talked to Jake. He knew the predicament I was in. He told me to choose with my heart. He saw it as picking Noah wouldn’t’ be fair to myself. But, if I picked Jake, it wouldn’t be fair to Noah. No matter whom I would pick, someone would lose out.
         “Kathryn!” someone yelled across the yard. I was at the courthouse, there for Noah’s hearing. “My, you’re even more beautiful than I remembered.” I turned. The boy talking to me sounded like Noah, but he surely didn’t look like him. His height increased about three inches. Now, as he stood next to me, my head reached his chin. He had an attractive, muscular build. As he grabbed my hand, I realized he was a lot stronger than the was the last time we were together. I looked at his face. His hair was longer now, and darker. It covered his eyes and was messy. He still had his striking smile and dangerous, wild green eyes.
         I began to speak. For so long, I tried to imagine, to plan out, what I would tell him. My mind went blank. “Hi,” was all I could mutter out.
         “Hey! I can’t believe they let me out this soon. Isn’t this great!” It was true; Noah was out. Things would return back to normal, he thought. He didn’t know about my newfound feelings for Jake. How could I tell him?