Jack

                                                           Jack
                                                 


              He stood tall and statuesque on the steps of the Union and I could not remove my eyes from him.  Stone washed jeans were his attire and a simple t shirt with our university’s mascot on it accented his light bronze complexion.  He was gorgeous!  His features were as if Michaelangelo himself had returned to create another masterpiece.  I couldn’t see his eyes because they were hidden behind a pair of extremely dark shades and it was a good thing they were there.  I don’t think I could have handled the intensity of his stare.  He was an obvious athlete and he had a look about him that stopped both men and women in their tracks.  He knew how his masculinity affected everyone around him.  He stood in a stance with his thighs slightly parted and his head held high ….but not too high to give an air of arrogance. 

         I dared myself to pass him just to be able to look at him a little longer.  I prayed that my peripheral vision would work its magic.  There was absolutely no way that I could look directly at him without turning a deeper shade of blush.    As I looked both ways before crossing in the crosswalk, it gave me just enough time to create a blueprint of  what I would do when I got next to him.  Would I look once, or twice, or would I pretend that I didn’t notice him and slightly turn my head once I had passed him?  It was juvenile I know but there was no way I could form actual words.  No way!

         I neared him and he did the most amazing thing….he smiled.  Was he smiling at me?  I looked around to see if he had met an acquaintance that was walking behind me but there was no one there….he was showing the most perfect set of pearls to me.  I returned the gesture more so out of fear of embarrassment than to hide the fact that I wanted to speak and couldn’t. 

         A gift was given to me when he asked, “Aren’t you in Dr. Saxena’s class?’ 

         I had to stop now.  He expected an answer.  Before I could think of something clever to say or a way to prolong this unexpected opportunity to have a conversation with him, I gave the best reply I could think of, “yes.”  Damn, that was too quick.  He surely didn’t want anything else from me.  But then the gifts began to rain down.

         Extending this beautiful hand he asked, “What is your name?"

         “Regina,” and I rambled on,  “You haven’t been to class in a while….where have you been?”  Thank you God.  I had said something reasonably intelligent and normal and something to prolong this interlude.  I can’t even tell you all the things we spoke about that day because I was so far gone.  I was just happy that he had noticed me at all.

         We continued discussing the biology class that we shared and I told him what we were studying.  It didn’t matter that he barely came to class because little did he know ….he motivated me to attend.  Each Tuesday and Thursday, I said a silent prayer as I entered the Science Building and ascended the staircase to the lab.  Until I rounded the last corner, I silently begged that Jack would be sitting in his seat. 

         Well the next time I saw Jack, he told me that he had decided to drop the class that we shared and I was utterly disappointed.  I could stand and hear him talk about nothing forever.  He was witty and cool and fun and I wish that we had another mutual interest to discuss. 

              As I was departing from lack of something engaging to say, he gently grabbed my arm giving me a slight turn.  “May I have your number and call you sometime?”

         “2..3…4..5..Wheatley Hall”  A bit more information than he had asked for but what the hell.  This was my last opportunity to connect with him.  I knew any future contacts with him would have to be calculated or by chance…I didn’t know exactly how much more luck would flow my way. 

         It took him a while, but he eventually called.  I figured he was busy being a campus jock or impending graduate.  On our first date, he picked me up in his dated navy Volvo.  Surprisingly, we talked for hours about a lot of things.  He cooked pizza and we enjoyed watching a professional football game on television.    Who was playing escapes me today, but I remember we talked about a business he and his friend operated a few miles away.    I admired his tenacity.

         “Maybe you can come to the store one day and chill with me.”

         “Absolutely….sounds like fun….”  Grinning from ear to ear, I slept that night like a baby dreaming of  the time when I could spend the whole day with him. 

         I knew I would never be a leading lady in Jack’s life but he had a way of making me feel comfortable and special and I held on to that feeling often finding ways to stay in contact with him.  Over time through phone calls and interactions on campus, I developed a sincere fondness for my friend.  I had become his secret admirer.

         In later months, it was obvious that Jack was starting to find himself getting into trouble.  Although he came from a good family and was raised on the straight and narrow, he hung out with an unscrupulous crowd and rumors began to fly about what Jack was doing and what he was involved in.  Through it all, he still called to check on me. 

                My closest friends, ones that were privy to the gossip channels at school and who knew of my secret crush, contacted me every time they heard his name in the rumor mill. “Jack is in jail.”

                Within days, I’d get a call from him and I’d ask, “Are you okay, are you in trouble or something?”

                With a chuckle he’d reply, “No baby, I’m in my dorm room studying…where did you hear that?” …..apparently use to the innuendos that were flying about him.

                “Don’t worry about it…” and our brief conversation would continue on….

                  It happened several times like that ….always an on-campus ringtone to follow.  Always with a chuckle ….”Nah…..I’m cool…how are you doing?”  And our brief conversations would continue.

                  I was sitting in my new off campus apartment studying for mid terms, always waiting until the last minute.  I think I was listening to Salt-n-Pepper’s “Express Yourself” on the record player when I received the call from my personal campus hotline.  “I just heard Jack is in a coma…he was mistakenly shot while driving his friend’s car.”

                “Okay…that’s not true…..he’ll call in a couple of days….”  I said with worry but not really concerned.  People sometimes said the craziest things.

                  I waited two days to no avail.  I called his dorm room and no one answered.  I called the phone at the store, I called his friend’s phone…….finally, I couldn't take it anymore....I called the hospital…….

                “Ma’am we can not disclose any information at this time……”

                  It was true….he was in the hospital and my heart began to beat really really fast!  I kept praying that he would wake up and the intensity of his wounds would not be that severe and for the most part, he would walk away and never be involved with the things that had brought him to that point. 

                  I waited and waited.....

                  He never called.





                                                                      RIP~Jack, Your Friend Michelle