Reality vs perception

as i lay awake every night with thoughts running through my mind,
i wonder how i will speak them, i wonder how she will react,
waiting is killing my soul.
it wishes to burst out.
but for now it resides in my heart
alone
i wonder when she will want it to be revealed,
but for now the truth resides in my mind,
as i wait for soothing rain to lead me into deep sleep so i to can dream again.


In the past i have chosen to walk alone,
my hands in my pockets,
pressing forward,
or has this been what others have seen?
could my hand of been secretively pulled by someone else,
yet my other hand still remains free
will it ever be filled?


In My Hands Are The Scars Of Life's Teachings,
Each Day I Count The Moments Of My Life,
Continuously Walking Along The Path,
Looking Everywhere But Straight,
Anticipating Another Turn.


Just the other day it seemed like he was alive
Sitting there in his chair staring.
I never knew what he was looking at or for
But most of all I Knew he was thankful
For the sight he had left
I bet he could stare at anything
And find it interesting
Maybe he's got a better view now
Of all these places he has seen
Staring at the house he built from nothing
His proud accomplishment of life
The best on the block
Not even the rich can compare to his pride estate
Yet he still sat there wishing he could explore
Explore every nook of the world


Who ever created these words I use is not creative
Nothing can describe what my life has been nor anyone else's
I use words that do no justice to what I want to say
They are a futile description of what I have seen and will see
My eyes are the only thing that can describe
But only I have this perspective
If only everyone would understand my eyes


I sit and I observe it's what I do
Understanding me is the task
Thoughts in my head
There is the me I can express when I am alone
The definition of those who label me
There is the me, the labeled me, the worlds version of me
Seen but never heard
But here in this world I escape to, I am heard
Emotionless is what is seen
The world wants me to be this monster
The ball of energy that is stuck with the label
But that monster is childish
Jokes that seem harmless to the user are hurtful
This is the true me, hunger for escape
Never knowing love
I am not silenced here


So how have you been doing?
I have been doing well, how have you been doing since, well you know, since he pasted?
It hasn’t effected me one bit, but I looks like it has effected you.
I believe the death of another should affect ones life, I personally think it made me stronger.
Oh I see, well enough of that, have you talked to her recently?
Not for a while, I have no clue what to say to such a person, I mean its hard to tell someone how you feel towards them, am I right?
Are you saying you love her?
At least I think I do. Why does this matter to you?
I…I have the same feeling towards her.
It’s interesting how two different people can like the same person, am I not correct?
I guess so, well maybe there are similar things between the two most different people?
So were two people now? I was lead to believe we were one.
No I think were two people pasted together.
Interesting I would have never thought of that. So do you think we can split apart?
I guess so but decisions have to be made
Ah ones of us will need to go away in the not far but distant future.
I guess that’s the way it has to be and so be it.
So where are you going after this?
Im staying here, how about you?
I guess im going anywhere but down.
So that’s your answer, well take care of your chance and don’t forget to be heard.
What’s your advice?
All I know is that im getting to young for this crowd but you’ll do well and remember a moment of love is never a wasted one.
Can you define love any better?
That’s not my job its’ yours.
Should I talk to the heavenly angel we both adore?
Why not? You shouldn’t leave your self questioning all the time.
But how should I speak?
Just say what is true and it will get you far and don’t be afraid, you will do well it’s something I have failed to do many times.
So I guess im our second chance.
Yes, you are and learn from me.
I already have learned all that is needed to be learned.
Well I better be going now.
And I will be escaping now.