The mother I never knew

Warm and cuddly in my comfort zone, sleeping eating, turning in a world of my own
Not knowing I would awake to a strange new place, kicking and screaming unsure of my mother’s face, oh well what else could a baby do, remember this is the mother I never knew.

Six months old that terrible dreadful day, that women my mother left and went away, the day and the month is not really clear all I can tell you is 1958 was the year, as I was later told, your mother she didn’t want you, still a baby this was my mother, the mother I never knew.

As a small child not really knowing the reasons why, my brothers and sisters they always seemed to cry, they couldn’t tell me the reason our mother had left because they didn’t know the extent of her mess, as time passed by and we all grew yes we all agreed my mother is still the mother we never knew.

Being the youngest I began to feel it was all my fault, the hurt and pain I endured was ok, I felt I deserved just what I got, when my day use to tell me I was his ugliest child deep down inside it made me cry but for his sake I faked a smile, I was just a small child what else could I do, thanks to my mother, the mother I never knew

As the years passed by and my teen years approached still feeling I was to blame, I had to make amends first, I didn’t know where to look nor whom should I ask, my searching seemed harder and yet a much bigger task, so I downed a bottle of pills feeling there was nothing else to do no one knows the pain I felt I had a mother I never knew.

So as an adult I decided I was going to see her face to face hoping that somehow, someway it would fill that empty space, Atlantic City was the city, New Jersey was the state the words that she spoke, the look on her face made me feel so out of place, as the hurt and pain I was feeling deep inside grew, I kept telling myself this is the mother I never knew.