Renee's Song

Renee's Song


I just didn't believe, the stories told,
I chose to live fast, before I'm old.
Smack was whack, and offered to entice,
Unable to measure, it levied a price.


My body's not ready, it came too fast,
My heart stuttered, I breathed my last.
Anonymous techs, arrived in a flash,
Worked for my life, to the ER in a dash.

* * *

I behold a light ring, with a void in the middle.
It surrounds like Daddy's arms, when I was little.
I cling to the bed rail, I hold on tight.
The demons from the void, come out at night.


Murmurs from phantoms, drift past my bed.
Except for technology, I would be dead.
Friends are misplaced, in my mansions of mind.
Reacquaint with me often, or be left behind.


Some days are good, I'm near to awake,
I feel the fever, is about to break.
Probes and cultures, my body's a mess.
No cause to be found, so blame CNS1.


Without an advocate, who knows legal ropes,
Contractures2 descend, on immobile folks.
To save some money, the state forgoes therapy,
Only my family, cares to keep flexing me.


Shouts in the hall, give me alarm,
A passing patient, from the funny farm.
Fiend or friend, hide in his face,
There is no refuge, in this place.


Patient 'Father' came here, it wasn't by choice,
Alzheimer's is stealing, his sermon voice.
He wheels to my bed, but does not speak,
His eyes say it all, he makes me weep.


Morning staff arrives, all is not well,
Beds have been fouled, tell by the smell.
Doors are left open, from protocol,
But curtains are drawn, to conceal it all.


Hands on my hips, hands just below,
For what cleansing purpose, I do not know.
A visitor at night, ignores my fright,
Plunders my body, for only his delight.


I have no voice, I cannot complain,
Menses have stopped, no one can explain.
Adjust the feed, starve me a little,
For I'm gaining weight, around my middle.


Doctor exams yearly, required by law,
A quick once over, detect no flaw.
My food is minimal, I can't keep it down,
Off for GI3 tests, in the next town.


"My God she's pregnant!" "That's impossible."
"She's been comatose for years, who's responsible?"
"Who cares for cause, get her out of here."
"Send her back to avoid, the legal fear."


The search is on, suspicions run wild,
To find the monster, who caused my child.
Look near and far, the cops aren't familiar,
With coma rapes, or cases similar.


Scurrying like rats, off a doomed ship,
Aides monitor closely, no room to slip.
Like 'horses are gone, close the stable door,'
Do you really think, he'll come back for more?


The cycles of pain, begin at two,
I cannot communicate, to warn you.
It's two months too soon, and nothing is right,
I can only cry, to signal my plight.


Cramps and blood, are you really surprised?
No time to wait, nor MD to supervise.
A breech4 through tight legs, closed from contractures,
Half in and half out, cause anoxia5 for sure.


Outside the ER, a doctor steps up,
A cut, a clamp, with EMTs for stirrups.
My baby, my life, I get only a glance,
Whisked away by a team, to give her a chance.


The cast is growing, they all want a part,
To be seen as the 'good guy,' right from the start.
The fuss and flurry, gives me no peace,
From doctors, nurses, the lawyers and police.


Fingers are pointing, they're covering their ass,
The DA, State Health, and the media morass.
It's time to blame, and not to prevent,
The circus in the courts, are entertaining events.

Whisked away covert, to a rich man’s bed,
New faces that probe, their sanity has fled?
More pictures, scans and needles, déjà vu,
My story’s the same, it’s just a new crew.


The faces change, the doors revolve,
If ‘I’ could help, the crime to solve.
But who am I, Bridget or Renee,
Have I become, someone else today?


So they bar all access, by males in the place,
And the lack of flexing, from one familiar face,
Gives way for contractures, to strengthen their grip,
Muscles tighten, cramp, and sub-locate6 my hip.


Those who love me, are kept at bay,
Less than honorable, the DA might say.
But careful to avoid, accusation too soon,
Mistakes like that, send careers to their doom.


The DNA7 speaks, it's the cops' only clue.
It's not Daddy, and they were so sure, too.
Now he can hold me, console me, and flex me at will,
Without a guard sitting, at the window sill.


The therapy resumes, but the damage is done,
No cartilage to save, they can only resection8.
With consults and tests, the OR time is near,
I learn from the nurses, my daughter is here.


But time marches on, as I go under the knife,
My daughter and I pass, like two ships in the night.
Never to touch, not knowing the other,
Or share a tear, that I am her mother.

* * *

Tendons released, and I can relax,
Contractures unfold, and ease their attacks.
No pain in my joints, now they are free,
A smile, can return to me.


Time to recover, in a new place,
But I'm a pariah, that none will face.
Hospitals and homes, the discussions go on,
I only want a place, where I can belong.


Facilities are needed, for my new attire,
To straighten my feet, casts are required.
Daddy comes by, to give them advice,
How to fasten the casts, it must be precise.


I hear my assailant's name, can it be,
This was the man, who assaulted me?
He changed me, bathed me, and talked with a smile,
What snapped inside him, to become so vile?


The courts grind on, they must be fair,
Protect his rights, ignore my despair.
When his trial begins, I develop a fever,
A return of CNS, or something deeper?


Murmurs become voices, some I understand,
I watch those around me, but can't lend a hand.
My nurse Irene, does more than linger,
She asks me to try, and I move my finger.


The word goes out, it's almost romance,
"Renee is back," with my digit performance.
The murmurs have settled, no longer a screech,
I understand more, and want to speak.


I am determined to make, all the right sounds,
I just can't seem, to keep my tongue down.
I clench down hard, to grit my teeth,
But my tongue's between, it begins to leak.


The pain's a surprise, and I'm all alone,
I close my eyes, but can't stop the flow.
Blood drains down my throat, I swallow some,
But the flow is too great, and it coats my lungs.


I cough into the air, the spray is red,
The contents of my tummy joins, and covers the bed.
The staff is sparse, some are on break,
Too long to respond, seals my fate.


I behold a light ring, with a void in the middle.
It surrounds like Daddy's arms, when I was little.
The pain is all gone, and I can now move,
I smile, wave goodbye, and step through...

Pages:      6
Words:  1208

Footnotes
1  CNS – Medical shorthand for Central Nervous System.
2  Contractures – Shortening and distorting the ligaments around joints due to immobility and disuse.
3  GI – Gastro-intestinal Investigation.
4  Breech – Non head-first birth; feet, buttocks, knees before the head.
5  Anoxia – Results when oxygen is not being delivered to the brain.
6  sub-locate – A type of dislocation common in contracture patients.
7  DNA – A genetic test and matching of results from samples of a ‘People of Interest’ dragnet.
8  Resection – Removal of the top of the Femur to prevent painful grinding into the hip socket.