random

The first thing he heard was the sound of laughter, it sounded sinister and made him uncomfortable. Then the voice added, "dont leave him alone for too long". He tried to ignore what this was probably refering to, he was so sick of it by now he just wanted to pretend it didn't exist. His mood was somber as he entered the room, despite trying to be upbeat he could just feel the irrational scorn in the laughing man's eyes.

He was given instructions by the same man who then left him alone with the man he had been talking to. He didn't say much just added a few words then silently went back to his overlooking office. Jason began loading the cardboard boxes and assorted items into the truck, working vigorously to get his body warm in the cold of the morning.

seven hours later he finished his shift, he was exhausted from the work and dulled from the boredom of the job and the lack of a companion to share the experience with. After catching the bus which took an extra hour and a quarter he made the slow winding journey up the stairs of his mother's apartment. There he finally relaxed in the warmth and comfort of a familiar place, but didn't rejoice as he once did when he was younger. Instead a new set of chores and reminders awaited him.

His life had lost direction: how was all this work going to lead to something he wanted to do? This thought was always in his subconscious, rearing its head in his free moments. It felt as though the purpose of the slog was solely to maintain itself, that there was no one to rescue him from it.

This same rotation of thoughts was filling his head this evening as he helped his mother prepare dinner when a memory came to his mind. A beautiful place with happy people, where the weight of his subconscious doubts had been forgotten. As a part of youth enablement program he had visited a high school in the suburbs for a week. While there he had become friends with a student from there while playing basketball, the two began talking while playing and liked each other without being ashamed of it and without knowing exactly why.

Jeremy had invited him up to his house during a conversation and Jason accepted without thinking, it just made sense. He and his mother made the three hour drive up and had a great time. Once there it was just socializing in a beautiful place without any concerns. Now that Jason thought about it, this was in a way the source of his unhappiness. A dream had been created, but he had no idea how to get there. This frustration blanketed his dreams and filled him with fear. His mother sensed the change and tried to pry it to the surface in many conversations, but he resisted.

Sensing her son's growing indifference, she decided it was time to take matters into her own hands. Through a friend she managed to find a local community college that was cheap and offered courses at night. One night Jason came home and on the dinner table was a packet of information on the school. He silently flipped it open while his mother watched. He didn't let himself get excited, this idea was nothing new, but he couldn't help a smile when his mother authoritatively said, "I'll help you apply tomorrow, the semester starts in less than a month". He audibly swallowed, fighting back emotion and said simply, "ok".