How I met 'Depression'

'All the pain bottled up from the past. There's nobody to talk and nobody that understands. Completely alone in the midst of 'being'. Crying out for a place in this world just to be understood. . , recognized. . , heard.'

Friday, April 24th, 1992, 5:45 AM.

Sadi pulls the blanket over her head in attempt to block the rising sunlight peeking through the curtains. Holding her hands over her eyes with the blanket curled in her fists, she rolls over facing towards the wall.

'Knock, knock'. "Honey, time to get up for school!" A faint voice travels through her bedroom door.

"I don't feel good Ma, I'm staying home today." Sadi replies bleakly, her voice tired and muffled through the blanket. With the anticipation for an answer she rolls on her back and pulls the covers down off her face staring at the ceiling.

Darkness sets in. Green appears and Sadi runs through the pathway between the tall forest trees. As it starts to rain she feels cold and damp.

'Knock, knock.' "Sadi, are you getting ready for school?"

Sadi opens her eyes and looks at the clock within the clutter on top of her night stand. . ,

6:24 AM.

"Ma, I'm not feeling good, I want to stay home today!"

Her bedroom door opens slowly. "Are you sick honey?" Sadi's Mom comes through the door, the hall light following her as she moves towards the bed. Her hand lightly making it's way towards Sadi's forehead, her skin cold to the touch.

"You don't feel like you have a fever, what seems to be the problem?"

Sadi rolls her eyes and speaks with over-whelming emotion, "I don't have to have a fever to be sick Mom!"

"You're going to school today Sadi. Get up and get ready before you miss your bus, you have fifteen minutes before it gets here." She turns Sadi's light on and disappears into the hall closing the bedroom door behind her.

"This sucks!" She gets up out of bed and rummages through the pile of laundry on the floor at her bed's feet for something to wear.

7:00 AM.

The morning's crisp air touches her face in a gentle breeze. Standing at the bus stop in front of her house, Sadi stands with her face down towards the ground. She hears a door slam and looks up only to see her mother staring at her from the front stoop..

"You missed it didn't you?" Walking towards her car. "I don't have time to take you to school either, I'm going to be late for work as it is." She opens the car door and turns her head towards Sadi.

"Get in the house, stay in the house, do your chores and we'll talk about this when I get home." She gets in and starts the car. Rolling down the window, "I'll call the school from work." Backing out of the driveway onto the main road she looks at Sadi in disgust as she pulls out and drives away in haste.

Sadi watches her mother's car get smaller with each foot it moves away from the house.

7:10 AM

Sadi looks around the kitchen pondering on the events of the morning with her mother's face imbedded into the picture album of her mind. She sits down and pulls out her journal from the stack of school books she set on the kitchen table.

I smile unhappily trying
to keep away from my reluctant
depression impulses.
My mind loses another screw
as days pass on.
My soul cracks into an enigma
falling piece by piece into
the acid-filled pit of my
stomach.
Crying out for place in this
world, my thoughts are bound
with fear of illusions so distant.
Gaining more strength over my mind,
the illusions become real.
Seeping through the iron bars
that seal my heart,
my hopes and dreams leak out
turning into massive pain in my chest.
My sanity has lost itself in a dark
and confused world.' by ..

Sadi signs her work of poetry and shuts her journal as tears build up in her eyes. They start to fall as she gets up and makes way to her bedroom locking the door behind her. Pulling thumbtacks from her desk drawer she grabs a blanket off of her bed and drags her feet as she walks through the clothes and papers on the floor to reach her bedroom window. Placing the blanket over the window she secures it with the tacks. After dreariness hugs her room she lays upon her bed with feelings of hopelessness and dismay. Tears are dripping down the sides of her face, her pillow drinking them leaving behind a spot of sadness.

Darkness sets in. Green appears and Sadi runs through the pathway between the tall forest trees. As it starts to rain she feels cold and damp. Lonely and searching for a sign of life in this strange realm, she happens upon a small squirrel-like creature wearing a torn up sock as a hat and clothes made from patches of different materials intricately sewn together with twine.

Knock, knock.'

Sadi jumps up off her bed and opens her bedroom door, her older sister standing there with her daughter tightly wrapped within her arms.

"Hey Sara, what do you want?" Sadi asked as if it were an intrusion that her sister appeared at her door..

"Mom called and wanted me to make sure you cleaned your room, you need to do it before she gets home, she's pissed at you." Sara turns and walks down the hall. Facing Sadi with her back turned, Sara smirks. "An try to be quiet, I'm putting Ashley down for a nap." Sara continues into the family room leaving her irritability imprinted into Sadi's wall of emotional distress.

3:43 PM

Sadi grabs the radio from her room with her favorite cassette tape single.
She looks at herself in the mirror while locking the bathroom door. Plugging in the radio she sets it upon the bathroom sink. 'Click' Play....

"I, have become.., comfortably numb..."
The music blaring and the tub painted with Sadi's blood as she lay there falling into her own despicable, and dark cloud-covered world....

Darkness sets in. Green appears and Sadi runs through the pathway between the tall forest trees. As it starts to rain she feels cold and damp. Lonely and searching for a sign of life in this strange realm, she happens upon a small squirrel-like creature wearing a torn up sock as a hat and clothes made from patches of different materials intricately sewn together with twine. He jumps to her feet and stares up into her eyes with the face of a sad puppy. "I'm Depression, who are you?" His little head wobbly and drooped down like a dying tomato hanging from a short, thin stem.

Sadi looks around and gasps for air as if life were being sucked from her lungs by some kind of vacuum. Feeling the sensation of faint and dizziness she sits down on the path of mud and rainwater next to Depression.

"I guess I am too."