sick and twisted humor, news article |
Student Wins Local “Hide and Seek” Championship Local college student, Mike McCafferty, took first place in the local “Hide and Seek Tournament”. The tournament is held every year on a half-mile strip of land centering around highway 85. “The speeding cars are there to add to the excitement” stated founder Angie Babcock. “There’s nothing like a kid bouncing off the hood of a vehicle…you just don’t know if they’ll get up or if it’s time to call an ambulance.” Mike, being the only contestant in the nine-and-above age bracket was forced to compete with hundreds of five, six, seven, and eight year olds. When asked about his strategy, a heaving Mike simply said, “I had this 7-foot pole with me. Whenever a kid came near me, I swung at their legs. They never touched me.” Amid hundreds of teary-eyed, broken-hearted kids and thousands of angry parents screaming obscenities, Mike had this to say about his win, “I think I gave into the pressure put on me by society’s standard. I would have been perfectly happy sitting in my parents’ basement, smoking pot, playing One-Man Freeze Tag, and dying a virgin. But hey, crap happens and we can’t all live our dreams.” Congratulations, Mike. We’re all very proud of you. |