how i became a killer...

how i became an axe murderer and other light hearted tales...

Prolouge:

LIFE SENTENCE FOR KILLER OF ‘PERFECT DAUGHTER’

It’s easy to look at the headlines and judge me…ive done the same myself. OK, hands up, I did a terrible thing, there is no doubt about that. I know that it is wrong to kill, f*cking hell, everybody kens that but…but before you judge me (and I know you f*cking have), you should know the facts. Not the facts according the Daily Record, not the facts according to the Evening News or the even the facts according to some gobsh1te doon the street that kens f*ck all. But the actual f*cking FACTS.

I’m no gonnae deny I killed that bitch, I did kill her – that’s one of the facts. That’s not what I’m talking about though…what I’m talking about is WHY I did it. Why yous c*nts forced me to do it – every one of you. Well no actually every single person alive to be fair, that’s an exaggeration but there are plenty of f*ckers oot there wi blood on there hands that arnae gonnae end up here in jail wi me. Plenty of them are still going aboot there business, some of them oblivious to their role in this and some of them who f*ckin well ken whae they are. That’s the hardest thing – that’s the thing that still gets me mad – aw they f*ckers going aboot like butter wouldnae melt and I’m stuck in here – that sickens me. I hope I still feel like that when I get ooty here cos they b*stards are aw gonnae get their day – too right they are. Just need to put my heid doon – pretend I’m sorry and dae my time.

Anyway I sound like a mag scumbag – the mad scumbag that it suits yous aw for me to be. The mad scumbag that the Daily Record telt yous I am. It comforts you to think of me like that cos the thought of some normal punter wi a normal job going aboot his business killing some pair wumen in a horrific way is too much to bear – yous need an excuse for me, an angle, a reason. Well aye, there is an excuse, there is an angle and there are plenty of f*cking reasons why I flipped but there no what you think they were. Nothing to do we me being dressed up as a lassie when I was wee or being bullied at school. In fact until aw this happened, I’d never been in trouble in my life.

Anyway they’ve aw done their talking…the polis, the papers, the gobsh1te’s…even that wee f*cking peado had his say and yous aw took it in. Well now its my turn. I’m gonnae tell ye my side. The f*cking FACTS.