Cutting Myself

Pain inside.. i can't deal with the emotional overload
Stuck.. In the abyss of my fears and all my broken hope
Dead Inside.. In need of redemption of my soul and mind
Hated.. Rejected by the outer world at day and night..

In search of relief an exit for these feelings inside
To calm down for a moment and forget about the faded light
To get back to reality at everytime that i feel numb
To awake from my sleep each time that i'm stunned
To feel the pain on the outside and not within me
Being punished for being myself and for a moment be free..

At the darkest place at the moment of being alive
Undiscovered in my chamber together with a knife
Secretly discovering a reason to go on
Forgetting for a moment where the pain comes from
Working towards the moment that i feel relief
Being busy with something that i believe..

Its like watching the sorrow drain out of me
For a moment fallen out of the lifeless tree
Stand at the edge for a moment before falling down
Breath for a moment just before i go back to drown
Drown in my sorrow..hate..pain..fear..everything
Before going back to the impossible game i'll never win..

Hiding for everyone the scars that only i can see
It was great but went by to soon with such speed
I'm overburdened by the emotional overload again
The abyss.. that is where i am send..

I know that it is wrong but also it is my best friend
It makes me feel good for a moment for a rent
Seems i'm stuck with it but it doesn't matter
Cause it gives me reality when it can't be badder..