I dropped your name

My first poem after six years. I imagine this has plenty of space for improvement, but it's not easy to work on something that you wrote in five minutes in two language versions, because you suddenly felt you "had to".
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I dropped your name.
Down,
into the ocean.
And with your name,
a burden fell
off my shoulders.

Minutes of lust, hours of passion,
days filled with pain and inconvenience.
By all the bright semi-shadows of youth,
our love has died of lacking experience.

I dropped your name.
Down,
into the ocean.
And with your name,
a burden fell
off my shoulders.

I was so light,
so weightless,
A wind blew me
down

To chase it.


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I decided to post the Polish version as well. In my eyes, it's much better. A little different, but telling more in nearly the same amount of words. I don't think this one could be improved. Maybe some more Poles are registered here.

Zrzuciłam twoje imię do morza.
A ono roztrzaskało się o skały.

Wraz z imieniem twoim,
olbrzymi ciężar
spadł z moich
ramion.

Sekundy pasji, godziny przykrości,
Minuty spełnienia i zapomnienia
Przy wszystkich ciemnych blaskach młodości
Miłość umarła z niedoświadczenia.

Zrzuciłam twoje imię do morza.
A ono roztrzaskało się o skały.

Wraz z imieniem twoim,
olbrzymi ciężar
spadł z moich
ramion.

Stałam się lekka.
Tak bardzo lekka,
że wiatr zrzucił mnie w przepaść

za nim.