Bertha Gets Skunked

Bertha Gets Skunked


Some kids are curious and others are just plain too smart for
their own good. My little nephew JT is one of those little four year old kids that has to know everything and is into everything that he sees. He loves crawling under floor boards in the cellar and hunting for bugs in the woods. . He loves going under parked cars to hunt for dropped coins. But, what he especially loves is frogs. All types of frogs. Big ones, little ones, short fat frogs anything that even resembles or looks like a frog is on his list of things to collect and find. No matter where we are or what we are doing you have to keep twelve eyes on him because you never know where he will go or what he will get into too.

This brings me to his latest adventure that sent me, Bertha on a frog hunt in the woods. It all started one morning in the country during summer vacation when JT could not find his latest pet frog, Sam. He had put the frog in a huge can on the back porch of our bungalow in the country. When he got up to go to camp in the morning Sam was gone. You see, there had been a rash of frog stealing by the little kids and you really had to make sure that if you had a great frog, it was well protected. Some people even suggested that maybe you needed to take out frog insurance in case of theft

J.T. had a friend named Jason. They were inseparable. They did everything together, especially frog hunting or frog stealing. They would not let a leaf go unturned, a rock unmoved, or a tree not climbed to find a frog and take it to their bungalow as a pet.

JT was very upset because he did not know what had happened to Sam. So, JT, Jason and their friend Todd decided to go off on their own one morning to find another frog or rather three more so that each one would have their very own pet Sam and not have to worry that one of them would steal the other’s precious frog..

Without making a sound, they quietly left their houses and snuck off into the woods and began looking around for anything that moved and could be captured inside their shirts, put in their pockets or in a sneaker. J.T. spotted it first. They had walked deep into the woods when they came to a small pond and saw something large, and green. It was a really large frog that was just lying there minding its’ own business until these three decided to disturb it. Looking around they searched for 2 more frogs and found smaller ones making each one of them happy to have their own pet frog.

JT, who spotted the large one first, needed help to get it back to his bungalow. The other two were going to have to help him get it back to his bungalow. JT and Big Todd decided to each take a side and poor Jason got the middle. They would take the big frog to Todd’s bungalow for the night and to make sure that it was safe. The only problem was they had gone so far into the woods they were lost and had no idea where they were or how they would get out.

They each thought that they knew the way until they finally realized that they were lost and it was getting really dark and the three brave adventurers were getting scared. But, not so scared or so upset that they would even think of letting the poor frogs go back to its pond where they were was happy until they came along.


When JT’s mother Myrtle came home from shopping with her friends she went to call JT in for dinner and a bath. But, she could not find him. Jason and Todd’s mother’s could not find them either. So, what do these three do, they come yelling for me, Bertha. “BERTHA, where are you?” they screamed in unison. Why don’t you know where JT and his friends are yelled Myrtle? I just looked at them in total amazement. Why didn’t they know where their kids were and why blame me? I am eleven years old and go to camp just like they do and I can’t watch them every minute of every day. So, they just stood there with their hands on their hips totally stumped.

Finally, I told them to go and look for them in the camp house or better yet under it. No luck. Then, I realized that JT’s pet Sam was missing and maybe they went off into the woods when no one was looking to find another frog. Well, as luck would have it they decided that was probably where they were and since they were not dressed for the woods and it was my idea, I get to go and look for them. I took my cell phone with me in case I got lost and prayed that I would not get eaten by a wild bear, deer or attacked by a skunk while looking for them.

I walked into the woods hoping to find them because I knew that was the only place they could possibly be. As I walked deeper into the woods it started to get darker and darker. The sky looked like it was about to open up and a raging storm would be upon us in no time. I had no sweater and was wearing just a pair of shorts and a tank top and was starting to shake from the cold when I heard three little voices yelling and shouting for help at the top of their lungs. One was shivering from the cold, one was trying to rub two stones together to make a fire and the other was holding the reason they went into the woods in the first place a huge and warty looking green frog that they named Elvis. Todd had another frog and so did Jason which they named Sam 2 and Sam 3.

As I walked toward where they were I realized that I did not even know how far I had gone into the woods or where I was. Better yet, I was totally out of breath from climbing over blocked paths and small hills that I needed to catch my breath before even trying to get all of us out of the woods safely. Weighing over 165 pounds if is difficult to be a hiker and no less walk in the woods over rocky paths and hills. As I was about to sit on what I thought was a huge boulder, I saw it move. It was the largest tortoise I had ever seen and I had almost crushed it by trying to use it as a resting place. Next, I saw this thing moving in the woods. It was getting dark and it was hard to see too feet in front of me no less see what this thing was. I walked slowly as not to let it know I was there when all of a sudden this thing started to spray me and boy did it stink. Yes, I got skunked. Not only did I get skunked by one skunk but he had a half a dozen friends with him. I screamed and yelled for help and the three boys heard me and followed the awful smell to find me sitting on the ground in total shock and crying. How was I supposed to rescue these three kids after being skunked? To make matters even worse, they just stood there laughing at me while holding their frogs.

I wanted to just leave them there and teach them a good lesson but I knew I would get in trouble and they would be off the hook. So, we started to walk back to the bungalow colony and could not find our way. Plus, I dropped my phone trying to cover my eyes and face when the skunks sprayed me.

Jason and Jason thought that they might remember some landmark that would help us find our way back. They said they did this all the time and never got lost or even caught. But, this time they saw the big frog and chased it until they caught him and forgot to drop pebbles along the way to find their way back. I guess they thought they were Hansel and Gretel and would be saved some how, but not by a wicked witch. As we walked in some direction we saw a light shining at us. I could not believe that Jason and Jason’s dads had actually noticed that they were missing. They had arrived for the weekend and found the three mothers hysterical crying because their three angels were missing. When they finally saw us they did not know whether to laugh or cry from the sight of three muddy kids and three unhappy frogs and one oversized smelly girl who was muddy and skunked. No one wanted to go near me and I was not allowed in the bungalow until someone poured tomato juice all over me and attempted to get my clothes off, that’s right, outside for the entire world to see, before allowing me near the bathroom and a tomato juice bath.

What I did not know at the time was that JT had put his frog on the side of the bathtub in a can and it had jumped into the tub with me until I screamed when something was crawling up my leg. I jumped out of the tub covered in tomato juice and yelled for help at the top of my lungs. The problem was my mom was not there and my sister, Tillie had some friends over and they came into the bathroom and were hysterical laughing at the sight of me. Imagine my humiliation until someone finally gave me a towel and a robe. I still smelled from skunk, but I had gotten most of the smell out of my hair and I was going to use soap and bath bubbles to try and get the rest. JT came running, not because of me, but because of Elvis, his frog. He took the frog and put him in the sink and rinsed him off and put him back in the can until morning.


The next morning JT decided that since poor Elvis came from the woods and had no parents to teach him proper hygiene. He had popped out of the can and might have gotten germs from the floor of the bathroom or the grime in the tub; He was more upset because the frog smelled like tomato juice that with a touch of skunk perfume. JT decided to give the frog an Ivory Soap and Ivory Liquid bubble bath. Imagine walking into the bathroom and seeing a four year old child standing on a stool with Ivory soap and Ivory liquid for bubble, to give the frog a bubble bath, it was a funny sight. The frog was hopping around in the water and slipping out of his hands to try and get away. JT was soaking wet and so was the floor. The poor frog, if it could talk, would have screamed for help. After all he was happy just being full of dirt and leaves and grime from the forest and really did not need to take a bath.

When his mother Myrtle went into the bathroom and realized what he was doing she just stood there and laughed. She laughed so hard that tears were coming down her eyes and her face turned red. She could not move from where she was standing and just watched him giving this frog and bath and talking to it as if it was a person. When he finished giving it the bath he took a clean bath towel to try him off and placed him back in a new and clean can with some leaves to eat and other foods he thought frogs liked. Then, he put the frog on the porch of the bungalow and went back inside got dressed and went to camp but not before putting a DO NOT TOUCH OR MOVE SIGN ON THE CAN.

When Myrtle and his father JTT came back from shopping they heard a loud thump coming from the can. Unfortunately, frogs should not have Ivory Soap or liquid baths and the frog died. They did not want JT to know this but they felt they had to tell him because he needed to know for the next time. Except, they were too chicken to tell him and told me since I let him bring the frog from the forest I should break the news to him.

Why me, poor Bertha, the scapegoat always getting the jobs no one else would want to do? Why should I tell this four year old curious and impish little guy that his frog died because of something he did? This could scar him for life. So, I had a plan. I would go back into the woods with one of my friends and get a new frog for him before he came home from camp. This would mean I would have to invent an excuse to get out of going to camp myself. I told everyone that my grandmother needed me to pick some blueberries for her to use in a pie she was making for company this weekend and I was the only one she trusted with that job.

I went back into the woods wearing rain gear, carrying an umbrella and wearing a hairnet, rain bonnet and anything else that would protect me from getting skunked again. I asked my friend, Annie to come with me because I did not want to take a chance and get lost again. I remembered to take a cell phone with me and a whistle to blow incase we could not find out way back.

We went into the woods and went about half way in before we found another frog. This one looked just like Elvis but was a little smaller. I decided I would tell JT that the frog got smaller because he washed him and dried him. I hoped that he would believe me, otherwise the truth was a good idea, I guess. We picked him up and put him in a pail that I had filled with water and hoped that he would not hop around too much. I did not want to take a chance and suffocate the poor frog.

We got back to the bungalow unnoticed and I slipped Elvis the second inside the same can as Elvis the first and hoped JT would not realize it.

When he came home from camp he went for the frog and looked at him and started to play with it on the porch. He brought the frog over to Jason’s bungalow and never realized it was not the same one.

Lessons Learned:
1. Never give a frog a bath with anything
2. Get your pets from a pet store or from a shelter
3. Make sure that you understand how to take care of your pet no matter what kind of pet it is.
4. Make sure you speak to a professional before buying a pet and ask questions about proper care for the pet and food.
5. Make sure you know where this pet should sleep.
6. Make sure you understand that you are responsible for your own pet.
7. Be kind to your pet
8. Give it a good home

Love,
Bertha