Peanut Butter, Anyone?

"Hmph."

"Hmph to you, too."

"Well, double hmph to you."

"What is your problem? I mean, seriously, what did I do that was so awful?"

"I can't believe you." Lucy put the Arts and Entertainment section of the paper down and got off the bed. She walked into the bathroom and shut the door... hard.

"How mature," Kevin muttered to himself. "How mature!" he said raising his voice so Lucy could hear. Obviously, he wasn't going to be allowed to finish the Sports section.

Kevin picked the paper up again with the hopes of finding out the score between the Colorado Rockies and the Los Angeles Dodgers. Despite all their differences, Lucy always accepted Kevin's fanaticism over baseball. And, likewise, Kevin didn't question Lucy's need to follow the latest Hollywood gossip.

Bang. Bang. Slam.

Groaning, Kevin got off the bed and walked to the bathroom door. He knocked softly. "Come on, Lucy. Honey. Come out? Please. I'm really sorry and it will never happen again. I promise. This is so childish."

He went back to the bed more confused by Lucy's behavior than before. It couldn't be her time of the month. That was last week. And, she's not pregnant. They've both been way too careful to let that happen right now. Kevin thought the only thing to do at the moment is to just sit patiently and wait her out. She's got to come out eventually.

Ten minutes went past before Lucy finally emerged from the bathroom. She may have shut the door quietly this time but the look on her face showed she was still very much angry. She sat back on the bed and resumed reading the paper.

"It's a good thing we're both wearing flannel pajamas."

"Excuse me," Lucy responded with a glare.

"Don't get me wrong. I like wintertime just as much as the next person. I just wasn't expecting it to get so frigid in here tonight."

"Maybe, it wouldn't get so frigid if you opened your eyes once in a while and noticed a few things."

"Okay, I'll bite. What haven't I noticed lately?"

This time, when Lucy got up she didn't head to the bathroom slamming anything in sight. Instead, she paced back and forth in front of the bed.

"We've been married three years. And, yet, you still don't know me."

"What are you talking about? I've noticed lots of things about you."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. And, to prove it to you. Ask me anything. Anything at all about what I may or may not know about you. Let's make it interesting."

"Like a game?"

"Just like a game. For every question I get wrong you get an extra treat from me."

"A treat? What am I? Lassie?"

"Noooo. I'm talking back rubs. Foot massages. Drawing you a bath. Even, anything you want in the bedroom... or out of it. Your choice. Your desire."

"Okay. What do you get if you get the answers right?"

"Same deal. Whatever you want. I see this as a win-win situation."

"Okay, I'll play. But, I'm still mad."

"Fine."

"What does it mean when I go to bed wearing braids?"

"You are not in the mood. Don't try to do anything more than cuddle."

"Okay. Who did I want to date when I was thirteen?"

"Hmm. I didn't know you then. I think you told me it was the lead singer for the Backstreet Boys. Or, was it 'NSync? They both sound the same."

"It was Hansen and it was all the boys from the group."

"Okay. One wrong. Next."

"What sport did I play in college?"

"You didn't. You danced. Next."

"What am I allergic to?"

"Dust mites, most perfumes, and... chocolate."

"Exactly," Lucy exclaimed getting madder.

"What?"

"What do you mean 'what'? You know what I'm allergic to!"

"Yeah, so why are you so mad? I know you well enough for all the important things. You're kind to animals. You don't splurge on anything expensive when we have important bills to pay. You've been a great wife to me and the best friend I have ever had. So, what gives?"

"I'm allergic to chocolate."

"I know. And?"

"So, why did you put your chocolate in my peanut butter?"

This time it was Kevin's turn to go to the bathroom and slam the door behind him. Opening the door back up, he announced, "It's carob, you silly goose. After three years, you're the one who should know me well enough to trust me."

"I'm sorry. It's just after reading all those stories in the paper about husbands killing their wives and hiding the bodies. I guess I'm just getting paranoid."

"Look, it okay."

"Do you forgive me?"

"I love you. There's nothing to forgive."

"Since I was wrong to accuse you, let me make it up to you."

"Oh, sweetie. You don't have to do that."

"Yes, I do. Now, what would you like? A back rub? Foot massage? Should I break out the Naughty Nurse outfit?"

Kevin walked over to Lucy and put his arms around her. With a sly smile and a twinkle in his eye, he asked, "How about a late snack for the both of us? Carob-peanut butter on crackers?"

"Are you sure you don't want anything more than that?"

"Maybe, we don't have to put the peanut butter on the crackers."

"Give me a few minutes and I'll bring the tray. Oh, before I go." Lucy walked over to the dresser and removed two hairbands. "No sense wearing braids now, is there?"

"Go."

"Be right back."

Kevin waited a couple of minutes before walking over to the closet. Inside is a small, metal lockbox that is often used for securing important documents. He opened the box and pulled out a manila envelope marked LUCY. Kevin smiled as he looked at the paper inside. But, he didn't wear just any old smile. It was a smile full of menace. Those papers are Lucy's life insurance policy.