Broken Toys

Journal Entry:  July 11th, 2008

A shriveled hand came bursting up from the grave.  In minutes the graveyard looked like a strange garden of hands, all reaching for the dark sky.  It was like watching one of those nature films that shows a flower blooming.  The entire process is filmed and then shown to us at high speed that what normally takes days, only takes a few moments.  The hands were growing all right.  Slowly but steady they grew, until the little plant like hands had long stalk arms. 

I didn’t see any point in trying to warn anyone that they were coming.  The last time I told anyone that I had visions of the future; I was laughed right out of the Rotary Club.  So the hell with them let the damn zombies eat them.  I have seen.  I had gone out to the graveyard this evening to watch it begin, just like I knew it would.

Daddy was among the first to rise.  I knew he would be.  I knew that even in death he would have to be among the first to come back.  He never could stand to let anyone else do anything before him.  I still remember how long it took me to convince him that we had to start building the compound.  Of course, he thought it was because the governments were all going to go crazy and start a nuclear winter with their bomb dropping.  That’s ok; it got him moving in the direction I wanted.  I honestly don’t think there is even one single detail that we didn’t think of.  Everything is perfect; everything is waiting for my new friends.

I did wonder if there would be anyone left to watch the film that I had made of the zombies rising for the first time.  I had waited so long for this moment.  I know it was a stupid thing to do.  But well, I figured if anyone was left besides me and the few survivors that I plan to let into my compound, I figured we could use it as a training film or something.  I don’t know.

Sorry I am babbling.  I am tired and my chain mail suit is very heavy.  I am not as young as I used to be you know, certainly not old at 42 but not young either.  Hell, the chain mail, alone, weighs almost 80 pounds but it’s worth it.  Between the chain mail and the padding I was wearing underneath it, I knew that even if one of those things had managed to sneak up on me they would not be able to bite or scratch me through it. 

When I saw the “shark suit” on the Discovery Channel, I knew that it would be the prefect thing for moving around once they came.  If a great white shark can’t bite through it then I knew a zombie would not be able to either.  The hard part had been finding someone to make them.  But again, I am babbling.

I stayed in the graveyard and finished filming them as they were “born again.”  I didn’t bother to gather up my film equipment, just grabbed the video itself and ran for my van.  I had to get back to the compound before it was too late.  Even with the suit on, if I got cornered by too many of them I would be trampled to death.

I am so excited Journal, my vision came true tonight.  Perhaps, now, I will find a friend.  Now all the years of training, all the years of waiting, all the years of being alone will come to an end.  I will have friends, maybe even a lover, how cool would that be?  Not that I have ever had one before, but as you know Journal, I have watched all the porn films; I know how it’s done. 

I must be patience now, I am so close to having my dreams come true, I can’t let myself lose sight of that.  I have to wait; just a few more days now, don’t want to rush things.  I have to give them a couple of days to understand the gift of life that I will be giving them.  It will make sure that they know that only death, a horrible one at that, awaits them outside the walls of my compound.  When I come to their rescue they will love me.  They will be my friends, my lover, and my family.

I did have one bad moment on the way home from the graveyard.  There was a young woman.  She was fighting for her life.  I guess I could have stopped and picked her up.  I don’t think it would have hurt anything.  But she didn’t really look like the type that would make a good friend.  From what I could see, she had that shifty eye look, you know the one Journal, the one where you know the person lies a lot.  I didn’t get much from her mind, nothing but fear and a desire to survive.  So I just watched after making sure the van was locked completely so that if she noticed me in it she would not be able to get in.  As it turns out the zombies got her as she was beating on the driver door.  She was begging me to let her in, but I just could not take the chance.  What if she was infected?  The vision had shown me that the zombies would rise, even close to when it would happen.  But I have never been able to figure out why it happens.  So for all I know she could have already been infected and that would have just ruined everything.  So I watched.  The zombies are really very hungry creatures.  They wasted no time in ripping her into pieces.  Pulling her legs and arms off, it was really gross.  But I made myself watch.  I needed to learn as much as possible about them.  Damn, now that I think about it, I should have recorded it.  Wish I had not left the film equipment in the graveyard. 

Journal Entry:  July 12th, 2008

I watched the city and the zombies from the roof of the compound today.  While I was watching I noticed something very strange.  It appears that just a bite from a zombie can make you one of them.  I seen a man running and I locked onto his mind and listened in.  I wanted to know what he was thinking and maybe if he had friends.  Hey, it could have been a starting point for my search! 

Anyways, he had been bitten.  Only one bit on his arm as he had reached for something.  His mind was not real clear on exactly how the zombie came to be lying there in such a way that he didn’t see it, but it sure seen him I guess.  As soon as he reached for the bottled water container that he was going for the zombie bit into his arm real good.  It took out a large chunk.  The man was worried about the bit getting infected, so after he “killed” the zombie.  Oh, yea, I forgot, I also learned from him that you can kill them, you have to hit them in the head really hard, of course, I am sure that shooting them would work as well.  Good thing I stockpiled all those guns.  I knew they would come in handy!

Now where was I?  Oh right, I was telling you about the guy.  Anyways, he was worried that he would get an infection from the bite, so he grabbed some medical supplies from the pharmacy area and patched himself up as best he could and moved on.  He was worried that the bite kept bleeding.  So I watched as he found a place to board himself up in with the food and medical supplies that he had gathered. 

Of course, at this point I starting looking around with the binoculars but I was still listening to his mind.  Let me tell you, it was not easy, after a few hours his mind started getting all funny.  He could not think straight at all.  I could tell he was getting real sick, then all the sudden his mind went blank, it was gone.  I know what that is, he died.  I have experienced that before when I helped Daddy die.
Well, you can just imagine my surprise when a little while later a small group of people come along and decided that the spot he had chosen would also be a good spot.  I watched as they broke into the place and low and behold, there was my guy, he was a zombie.  I figure it must have come from the bite.  It could not have come from anything else.

Of course, I will not allow anyone that has been bitten into the compound.  That would be like inviting in the zombies.  I sure don’t want to do that.  That would ruin everything.  All the years of building, collecting everything that would be needed, and then finally building the compound itself.  I know they all thought I was crazy but who’s the crazy one now!

The voices in my head were still way too loud for me to even think about picking up survivors last night.  I will go out when the voices have really thinned out.  That way I can make sure they are really the best of the best.  Survival of the fittest is the name of the game.  I am sure that I will be able to hear their thoughts.  I just know as more people died, that the howling screech of voices in my head will quiet down.  Hell, I might even be able to sleep tonight without anything to help me, for a change. 

Journal Entry:  July 13th, 2008

The way I had it figured out, is that the compound could support fourteen people for ten years without any problem.  But my plan is to organize the people that I find.  We can go on raiding parties and pick up what we need to survive.  In doing do, the supplies I have stockpiled will last longer.  And no one should get too bored.  After all, you rarely get bored when you are fighting for your life. 

The fences are holding, just like I knew they would.  Oh, and the dog trick worked as well.  I tried it this afternoon just to make sure.  I know the contractor that put in the three rows of chain link must have really thought I was insane, but I am glad I thought of it.  Three rows of fences with six feet between them.  I am so proud of having thought of the dog trick.  I have several dogs just in case the zombies somehow got a hold of one or two of them. 

I paid a dog trainer to train them.  What good is all that money I inherited if I didn’t use it up, right?  It’s not like any of its going to be any good anymore.  But anyways, I had the dogs trained to come out of their living space when the door opened and run down the inside circle of fencing.  They were to stop about half way around and then sit down and start barking.  It worked like a charm.  I watched from the top floor of the compound with binoculars to see if the zombies went after the dog and they did.  I was right.  It took a little while but, sure enough, they all moved away from the gate and toward the barking dog.  The dog’s cue to go back inside was when the little beeper on its collar went off.  I waited until the dog had drawn all the zombies to it.  This will make it easier to go in and out.  We will still have to be careful.  No doubt about that, but at least there will not be huge packs of the zombies waiting at the gate.

         I have been following a mind today.  He is alone right now and he seems to be really sure of himself.  He is strong and handsome.  I know that I like him already.  He is already thinking of ways to build his own little compound where he can gather up survivors and keep them safe, just like I have been doing.  So, I have decided that I will go out in the morning and get him.  First I have to finish making this room up for him.  I got it all planned out.  As soon as I get him in the van and he is safe, I am going to hit him with a tranquilizer dart.  That way he will not know where I have taken him, I don’t know why I don’t want him to know, but I don’t.  I want it to be a surprise.  I will bring him back to the compound and lock him in the room I have prepared.  I got a camera in there and everything, so we can talk and get to know each other through the door while I wait to see if he is infected.  I hate to do it.  I really want to get started right away on making friends with him but I have to be safe, after all if I get turned into a zombie who will save the rest of them.  All my years of planning will have gone to waste.

Journal Entry:  July 14th, 2008

         I did it!!  I went out today and I got Richard, that’s his name.  My plan worked like a charm.  I made it look like I was just riding around town trying to find survivors, when of course I went directly to where he was, and when he heard my voice on the loud speaker he came out.  I, of course, let him in the van real quick, didn’t want him to get bitten or anything.  As soon as he was in I locked all the doors.  Can’t be too safe, I asked him if he was the only one, I knew he was, but that was the question that I knew he would be expecting me to ask him.  So I did.  As he was looking around the inside of the van I hit him with the dart.  It worked fast thank goodness! 

         I had him back at the compound and in his room for awhile before he finally woke up.  I had begun to worry a little bit.  It took a long time for him to wake up and I was not sure if I had used too much, but then he woke up and well he was okay, mad, but okay.  I explained to him that I could not be to careful with the way things are, that I had to keep him in the room till I was sure that he was not infected.  That calmed him down a bit and I told him that I would be turning him loose in the compound once I knew for sure then he was fine. 

Journal Entry:  July 17th, 2008

         I let Richard out of his room today.  He was happy to be out and I had so much fun showing him around.  I decided to tell him that my father had gone a little wacky in his old age and built this place as a bomb shelter since my father was convinced that the governments were going to push the button on each other at some point.  It worked.  He bought my little  lie, hook, line, and sinker.  From experience, I know better then to tell anyone about my gifts.  At best, they get uncomfortable around me, at worse, they run away from me.  So I figured that I would just use that little lie.  It’s not going to hurt anything, besides; I am just getting to know Richard.  I figure once we become lovers, oh, and we will become lovers, He is gorgeous, I will tell him the truth.  After all, they can be not dishonesties between true lovers.    I had all of Oprah’s shows on DVD; I knew exactly how a good relationship is supposed to work.  So I will give Richard time to really get to know me, to understand me, to appreciate all the stuff I have done for him as well as all the stuff I will do for those that we rescue together. 

         Of course, I am taking precautious here.  I am not just falling head over heels in love with him and telling him all my secrets.  During his tour of the compound I didn’t show him the control center, hell, he doesn’t even know it exists and I think that I am going to keep it that way.  After all, no one needs to know about this room.  This room is going to be my study, my private sanctuary, the place that I keep you and all the other things that I don’t want anyone else to every see much less touch. 

Of course, it helps that everything in the compound can be controlled from here.  All the locks, cameras, everything, this is after all the control room.  All of those things, except the hidden cameras, have switches around them that make it look like they are simply controlled in that one place.  It makes it look like those switches are not related or connected at all.  That’s fine.  I think it’s important to keep it that way for awhile.  Until I am completely sure about Richard and his emotions, I just have too do thing this way. 

From reading his mind, I know that Richard is warming up to me very nicely.  Journal, he actually got a hard on today as he watched me walking over to the pool in my little bikini.  I was in his mind and wondering if he was going to noticed how good I looked without so many clothes.  And sure enough he did.  Of course, I think it helps that he has not had sex in awhile. 

Apparently, before all this happened, he had broken up with his last girlfriend, who was cheating on him, the stupid bitch, about three months ago.  He really loved her, maybe even would have married her, he had certainly thought about it.  I caught him thinking about her the other day, how she was most likely dead, since he knew the scummy guy that she had taken up with would not be able to protect her from these things, he would most likely feed her to them to save himself.  He was sad at the though that she was dead, even after everything that she had done to him, he still cared for her deeply. 

Those thoughts all faded when he got a good look at my behind clad in that string bikini.  I made sure that I have a nice, all over, tan, no tan lines.  I even remembered to make sure that I have several working tanning beds here in the compound.  After all, we might not be able to get to a real beach for a long time, but that is no reason for us to become all milky white, that horrible white dead fish color.  Nope, hell, we can sun bath on the roof or here at pool side, since I made sure the skylight was huge in this area, or, of course, the tanning beds.

Sorry journal, my mind is wandering again.  I have been letting it do that as I experience that nice warm feeling low in my belly, the one that I normally get when I think about Richard touching me, caressing my face like a lover.  Oh, it’s so nice, to finally think that I might have a lover.  Of course, the compound is fully stocked with lots of play rooms.  I have not shown Richard those yet either.  I wanted them to be a surprise, but only after he makes the first move.  I don’t want him to think that I am pushing him in that direction and I certain don’t want him thinking that I am a sex fiend or something.

But I have been snooping around in his mind as he lay sleeping and dreaming, I have found that he likes to “role play” once in awhile.  So he is really going to enjoy the “dungeon” and “doctor’s office, as well as the “barn” rooms.  But those can wait till later, when we might need something to spice things up in our relationship.  After all, according to Oprah, and everyone says she is the best authority on these matters, anyway, after a few years things start to get a little boring and its good to try different things like role playing with your lover.  It’s normal, so I have prepared for those times as well.

Okay, so anyways, he got all excited about seeing my body like that.  He was, of course, a gentleman about it, tried to hide it from me, didn’t want me to think that he was a pervert or anything.  It was so sweet, the way he held my towel in front of himself, so I would not be able to tell, and it was really cute, the way he got a small red band across the bridge of his nose and cheeks.  It got even bigger when I told him that I would turn my head and he could take off his jeans and stuff and get in the pool.  He chuckled at that and told me that if I wanted to watch that I could, and that he would be glad to join me in the pool.  I checked his mind, since I was not sure what was going on to be honest.  In his mind, he was torn, he wanted me to be interested in his body as well, but there was a touch of shyness about him.  He actually had a moment or two of insecurity, thinking that I might reject him, me reject him of all things.  If he only knew!

As it ended up, we had a wonderful time playing in the pool.  He almost kissed me but then didn’t.  Again, I looked into his mind briefly to find out why.  I was very scared that he would be thinking that there was something wrong with me.  But it turns out that he just didn’t want to rush things.  He wants to give things time to develop and to see where they go.  I have to be careful journal.  Truly, I think I am already in love with him and we have not even kissed or anything, well that will all come with time anyways.

Journal Entry:  July 18th, 2008

         WE DID IT!!  All day as a matter of fact, he is down in the kitchen area making us something to eat, and I snuck in here to tell you while it’s all still fresh in my mine.  It was everything I thought it would be and more.  I could not have imagined it would be like this.           

In my dreams it was never so, so, hot, I guess it the word I am looking for.  I never knew that I would really be able to feel a burning hot trail of sensations when his hand traced patterns on my skin.  I mean I have read that kind of stuff in books, and heard people thinking it, but I always thought it was an exaggeration, that it could not possibly be true.  Boy, was I wrong.  And I am so happy that I was.  Damn, this is just great.  But let me stop going on about that and tell you how it happened.

         I got up this morning to find Richard in the kitchen cooking us breakfast.  He had planned to feed me breakfast in bed, a treat; a way of saying thank you for saving his life (now how sweet is that!).  Anyway, I wandered into the kitchen to see what he was up too, surprising him since I am so light on my feet that he didn’t hear me coming.  I made him jump and almost spill the juice he was pouring in a cup for me.  As a side note, I think that is one of the little things that I miss most, fresh juice.  All the juice we have here is from frozen concentrate.  It’s ok, but just not like the fresh stuff would be. 

Journal Entry:  August 1st, 2008

         I have not written in awhile.  I have been basking in the feeling of being in love.  Richard is just the most wonderful man.  He is kind, caring, considerate, and most of all he is mine.  We have spent the last couple of weeks exploring each other in every way possible.  I have told him just about everything about me, expect for my curse.  I am waiting for the right time to tell him.  Just like I am waiting for the right time to tell him, I am going to tell him that I love him.  I have not actually done that yet either.  I am sort of waiting for him to tell me that he loves me first. 

         I am sure he does, although he has never actually thought it straight out but every time I touch his mind he always has such warm thoughts for me.  The other night I made a point of putting on nothing but a black silk robe.  You know the one journal, the one with the huge red dragon embroidered on the back of it, the one that is so short that if I bent over while wearing it I would show the world (and since the world is just me and him its all good) all my goodies.  Well, anyways, when I touched his mind to see how he liked it he was immediately interested in a positive way.

         From time to time as we have talked over the past few weeks I have touched his mind looking for signs of what he feels for me.  I have no doubt that he is very fond on me.  But since people don’t think in words for the most part it’s sort of hard to tell just how much he loves me.  I just know he does thought.  He even felt honored to be the first man to ever touch me like that.  How sweet is that?

         Anyways, now that I know for sure that he loves me; I think its time to start picking up a few more survivors.  After all, have to make sure that we have enough people left over to re-start the human race and if we don’t do something soon I am afraid that there will not be enough left.  After all, it doesn’t matter how good you are at surviving, when you get cornered by those things you are going down. 

         I think I will hold off for awhile about telling him about my curse.  I don’t want to freak him out and I don’t want to have to talk to him about it until we get to know the survivors fairly well.  Can’t have a secret like that just getting out to everyone!

Journal Entry:  August 2nd, 2008

      We went out today and picked up four survivors, three women and one man.  When I woke up this morning the voices were so low that I figured it would be safe to start looking for the few survivors that were left.  So out we went, using the dog trick (I am just so pleased with myself over that one).

         As it turns out, I am very glad that I took the time to practice locating a person by their mind.  If I had not spent so many years just randomly picking a mind and then finding the actual person, I don’t think this part would have been nearly as easy.  But I located their minds fairly easily, not too many survivors in this city anymore.  It took me a little longer then I had planned.  It was a little hard to get to them; the packs of zombies were really thick.  And of course, I could not tell Richard how I knew that there were survivors there.  But we have been spending some time on the roof looking for them with the binoculars.  Of course, I always just happen to point him in the right direction.  I am sure he thinks that there are more survivors then there actually all, given how he always seems to find one but hey, it doesn’t matter, so long as I have the ones I want in here with us.

         What I did was, I got as close as I could to their hiding place, of course, it was surrounded by zombies.  I used the vans loud speak to tell them that I was going to draw the zombies away and that once I did they should come out, carefully of course, and I would race back with the van to pick them up.  It worked well.  One scary moment, a zombie without legs grabbed one of the girls, but it didn’t get a chance to bite her before we took care of it.

         I am so excited about having friends that I almost can’t sleep.  Richard thinks that he is the reason I am so excited, which he is, I mean, I am just more excited now that there are more people.  You should have seen them when they realized that I had everything under control.  They are really happy to be here with real food and water, toilets and showers.  I am so happy I could help them.

         The women are all real nice but there is something about the guy that I do not like.  His mind is full of sharp edges.  I stay out of it for the most part.  I don’t like what he is thinking about.  He wants to have sex with all of us AT THE SAME TIME. 

Journal Entry:  August 21st, 2008

         Things have been happening so fast.  The compound is full.  There are fourteen of us now.  Things are not working out the way I thought they would.  Most of them avoid me like the plague.  I didn’t tell them that I can read their minds.  I know better than that.  But for some reason, I think they sense it anyways.  Or perhaps, they just got the creeps when they realized how easy it was for me to locate survivors.  I gave them some cock and bull story about how I watch from the roof of the compound with binoculars and that is how I figure out where the survivors are.  I know only a few of them believed me.

         Anyways, the first guy (besides my man, Richard) that I brought in, Mike, is just a real asshole.  Now understand, I didn’t expect everyone to bow down and worship me for saving them.  I didn’t expect anything but a thank you, just once mind you.  Just one thank you would have been nice.  No one has even thought of it.  But Mike, well he’s just is a real winner.  He is out right mean to me.  Always has some nasty smart ass remark to make.  He acts like the compound belongs to him and that I am a guest here. 

         I don’t know what to say about Richard.  We seem to have grown apart very quickly.  He has not slept with me once since we brought in the new people.  And well, Journal, I felt my heart break, I happen to be looking in his mind when he caught sight of one the new girls coming out of the shower.  She was wrapped in a towel and I swear, that bastard, almost got a hard on looking at her.  How could he, this time last month he was all about me and now he is having those thoughts about another women ALREADY!  I just don’t get it.  I did everything that I was supposed to do.  I was a whore in the bedroom and a lady everyone else.  Just like all the books and everything say.  How could he just fall out of love like that? 

Journal Entry:  August 31st, 2008

         Damn it!  I should have paid more attention to Mike but I was so caught up with Richard and how he seems to have dumped me.  Well, he does still talk to me like he always did, but he has not come to my bed at all.  But anyways, I should have read Mike’s thoughts on a regular basis as soon as he started being a real asshole.  But, well, I just think that it’s rude.  But I should have seen this coming.  He hit me tonight.  Actually slapped my face and no one, not a single person, stopped him or offered to help me get up, the free loading bastards, all of them, all of them.  The worst part was Richard.  He didn’t do anything, didn't protect me at all, he just stood there and when I reached out my hand to have him help me up he turned away from me.

         What started it was that I said that I thought we should start looking for other survivors, since we had plenty of room and all.  Of course, they didn’t know that my original plan called for 10 survivors and counting myself we only have six at the moment.  Anyways, I brought the subject up and Mike immediately told me to forget that idea, that he would not tolerant anyone even thinking of opening the gates for any reason.  He said that he didn’t go though all that hell just to have me fuck it up for him.  At which point I reminded him that it was my compound that he was currently living in and that I would do as I pleased.  I also made a point of telling him that it was because I feel the way I do that he was alive and well today.  He didn’t say another word, he just went nuts, started screaming at me, telling me that if I even thought about opening the gate that he would kill me and anyone else that wanted to stand with me.  He’s insane of course.  But for some reason the others don’t think that he is they think that he is protecting them although they are not exactly comfortable with the way he is doing it, none of them made any attempt to stop him.

         After that, I retreated (and yes I do mean retreated, this is war now) to my rooms and locked myself in.  I have shut down all the power and water to the rest of the compound.  Well, everything except the fences of course.  Let them just sit in the dark with nothing to eat and nothing to drink.  Then we will see how high and mighty Mike is.  Then everyone will know that it was my planning, my hard work, my money, my whole life, it seems like, that saved them from death. 

         Mike is such a dumb ass.  He thinks he will be able to just walk into the kitchen and get what he wants.  I can’t imagine why he thinks that I would not have locks on the inside of the compound.  And yes Journal, I have locked everything down.  I am really glad that I didn’t show them the weapons that I have stockpiled.

Journal Entry:  September 1st, 2008

         So I sat in my rooms last night listening to them plot against me.  Mike really thinks I am stupid.  I can’t imagine why everyone is listening to his dumb ass.  Well, I guess I can, since he told everyone that he was the one that built this place.  But you would think that the Richard or even the three women that came in with him would have spoken up.  They all know the truth.  But when I look into their minds, all I see is fear of Mike. 

         I am heartbroken Journal.  I just wanted a few friends and maybe a lover.  Just someone to talk to, someone to play cards with, you know, to do those things that friends do.  I can’t even let myself think about love now.  I guess, in the back of my mind, I was hoping.  But damn it, it doesn’t have to be this way. 

         You know; now that I think about it, let them plan.  I have plans of my own.  They can pound on my doors all they want to.  Oh and how sickening they are standing out there making all sorts of promises to me.  Telling me that Mike is sorry, that it will never happen again but I can hear the lies in their minds.  They will do anything to get to me and the keys that open the kitchen and turn the power and water back on.  LIARS!

         I will make them sorry.  I will make them go out to the front gate.  I will use the dog to call the zombies away and I will make these liars go out the gate.  Then I will close the gates behind them, call the dog back and let the zombies have their lying asses.  You see Journal, I never told you this, but not only can I read minds, but I have learned to control them, to a certain degree.  I can’t make them out right kill themselves but I can make them walk out that gate.  Yes, first thing in the morning, the zombies are going to have a very nice breakfast.