We Always Have Today

We Always Have Today.

It has been ten years since I’ve seen these dust filled roads of Rockville Va., the soft emerald hills against the clear azure skies all puffy with cotton candy clouds. My whole body was calming down synchronizing itself to the rhythm of my long purposeful steps. I was home. Ten years ago I had gone to Philadelphia seeking employment. It had been my desire to become a merchant seaman; to travel the world becoming wise and wealthy. Instead I became a dock hand, a long-shore man. Wisdom had found me where I’d least expected. Now I knew that wealth was more than financial gain.

Now all that mattered was seeing Adam. I've only seen a picture of him when he was just a baby. I've never seen him face to face; never held him in my arms, never smelled the uniqueness of his hair. It was only last year that I discovered I had a son. I still find it hard to believe. It’s like someone telling you you’ve just won the lottery. Looking at that tiny wallet size baby picture of him was like looking at my father as baby. The Davis facial structure was a dead give-a-way. The strong chin, the piercing eyes, the full head of hair even as an infant. It was all too clear that Adam was my son. Thinking of where I was now in my life, I could remember when my father was a little boy, his father, the grandfather I never knew left home to find work and never returned. Even my father, when he was very young left the home to find work. It was only Donna Marie my mother that made him an honest man. I can remember my dad passionately telling me that when he saw my mother he knew that she was the one for him. How could he know I would always ask myself? How could you really know; if I could only be so blessed.

While trekking this dust road I kept trying to understand why Chrissy never told me that we had a child between us till now. I had known Chrissy since grade school. She was the bright energetic type, who always got good grades in school and admired by everyone. I never really understood what she saw in me. We were total opposites. I was a remedial reader jock who would never make it to college or the pros. I was someone trying to be different, trying to find my own path. She was the girl most likely to succeed. When we went to our class prom like everyone else I brought a carnation for my date; but for me, I had the florist make a huge black artificial carnation. I carried it around all night like a walking stick. My peers thought that it was really cool. I guess my biggest fear was being invisible unnoticed, a nobody. Chrissy and I went to dances, to the movies, picnics in the park. She taught me how to play the guitar. I still play today. I began wondering if Chrissy still played herself, how she looked. Did she still have that thick shoulder length reddish brown hair? She probably doesn’t wear braces anymore. Is she married? She had such a confidence in me, such an assurance that I would be somebody. I guess that’s what made me leave; trying to find that somebody she saw in me that I didn’t know. I was only a mile from town now. Soon I would be greeting people that haven’t seen me in quite a while. Would they even remember me? What would I say to them? How would I answer them when they would ask me what I've been doing with myself? What will I say to Chrissy? More importantly what would I say to Adam, my son?

I had been so out of touch with reality, so preoccupied with the idea of being a parent, that I had almost forgot that this was the Thanksgiving week. There were decorations all over town of corn stalks, fruit baskets in store windows and the smell of fresh pies being baked all over town. Instinctively without a second thought I walked into the general store in town and purchased the biggest frozen turkey I could find and a leather football for Adam. I never thought for a moment if he had one or not or even if he was even interested on football. I was more so thinking of me, me and him playing catch with this football trying to finds the words to say to cut away at all the years we missed; his first tooth, the measles, his first day of school. Leaving the general store I caught a quick glimpse of myself in a nearby mirror. My bedraggled appearance startled me. In my anticipation of the meeting my almost family, I had totally over looked my ghostly appearance, the look of the road. My clothing was all a matted dusty grey, face unshaven, lips chapped from the elements. I recalled a bed and breakfast, O’Malley’s place at the east end of town. It had been there as long as I can remember. I used to play football with Tim O’Malley, Mr. and Mrs. O’Malley’s son. Turning the corner there it was having the look of a southern plantation; a porch that circumferenced the entire house. Whicker and swing type chairs were placed every few feet. Walking up the steps to my surprise Tim O’Malley was the first to greet me.

“Well if my eyes have not deceived me, Andrew Picket. It’s been a long time. What
brings you home?”

“Life Tim, life how have you been? It’s good seeing you. How’s your mom and dad?

“They passed some years ago. Mom had the cancer and dad didn’t last too long after.
They were close you know.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that Tim. They were good people,” I said sitting briefly on one of
those white whicker chairs.

“Thanks Andy. Can I offer you a room?”

“That’d be nice Tim. That’d be nice.”

It’s funny how a hot shower, a shave and a good cup of coffee from the lobby can make one feel human again. Tim let me put my peace offering turkey in the kitchen frig with my name on it. The football was on a chair in the corner. Picking up that foot ball and playfully tossing it up and down I stared at the phone on the night table. I reached up on the dresser where I had placed my personal possessions. From my wallet I took out a rumpled letter that had be folded and refolded a thousand times. It was the letter that Chrissy had written me telling me about Adam. At the bottom of the letter she had written her phone number and address. I thought that it would be better if I call her first before just going to her house. Dialing the number, I heard the phone ring. A female voice on the other end answered.


“Hello,” the voice answered

“Hello, Chrissy,” I replied.

“Andy!” She responded. There was a definite tone of surprise in her voice.

“I was in town and I thought I’d give you a call.”

“You’re here in Rockville.”

“Yea. At O’Malley’s place.

There was a brief disturbing silence.

“I know Tim was glad to see you,” she responded with a nervous chuckle.
“Well really I wanted to see you. (Pause) I wanted to see Adam too. But I really wanted
to talk to you first.”

“Yea that might be a good idea,” she answered.

“Actually I was thinking dinner. If my memory serves me correctly, the dinner still makes
the best open face turkey dinner around.”

“Yea,” she chuckled. “O.K. When?”

“Well I was going to say this evening. But I’m not trying to impose. I mean you may
have plans already. You tell me when you’re free.

“How about tomorrow night. That way I can find someone to watch Adam.”

“Good. Tomorrow it is.”

“O.K. good,” said Chrissy about to hang up.

“Oh Chrissy!” I said abruptly

“Yes,” She hesitantly answered.

“Thanks. Thanks for everything.” I said hanging up the phone.

That must have been the longest night of my life. I barely slept anticipating our meeting. I was a different man now. I was wealthy. I had learned how be frugal; play the market and win big but if I told her that would she really see me? I had almost found that man she was looking for when I was but so young. I arrived at the dinner an hour before time. I drank a pot of coffee waiting for her. Then suddenly, she walked in the door; it was as if time had stopped. She looked exactly the same as when I had left. Same green eyes, same reddish brown shoulder length hair, same big as all out door smile. It was so comforting seeing that smile again.


“Thanks for coming,” I said rising from my seat as she approached the table.

“No thank you for coming. I didn’t know if you would come,” she responded.

“Well it isn’t every day that you find out you have a son, even if it did take me a year to
get here due to work responsibilities. We have a lot to talk about.” I said.

“I agree,” said Chrissy.

“So who’s the lucky guy,” I asked.

“Lucky Guy?” asked Chrissy.

“Your husband, boyfriend.”

“His name is Adam our son.”

After a few minutes of ice breaking chatter I couldn’t help but ask her the question.
“Chrissy why’d you take so long to tell me?” I blurted out.

“Andy you were so angry when you left, so confused.”

“But I wasn’t angry at you,” I responded.

“I know but this small town was suffocating you and I couldn’t bear to make you feel like
You were being drawn back into a place where you didn’t want to be.”

“Chrissy after you wrote me and told me the news, over the months I began to thinking things through. Actually I already knew the answer; you just helped me see things more clearly. It wasn’t the town or even the people in the town. It wasn’t the fact that I didn’t get the scholarships I thought I should have gotten. It was me myself and I. I was angry with myself. I despised the fact that I was unable to see my own self worth. That I couldn’t see that the people that cared the most about me were standing right next to me, like you. And then I became even angrier, angry that I couldn’t tell you that I was sorry. Angry that maybe I had missed it forever. Mad that I couldn’t find my way back home and then you wrote me. Chrissy I know it been a long time but could you ever forgive me?”

“No it’s me you should forgive,” said Chrissy with small crystal tears sliding down her
flush cheeks.”

“Forgive you,” I questioned. Reaching across the table grasping her small hand in mine.

“I told Adam all about you. I told him about us; showed him your pictures. I told him
that you had gone off to make our fortune. I always spoke well of you to him. I told him
how much you loved him and that we would be a family one day. I told him everything but
the most important thing which is why I wrote you.

“And what’s that,” I asked.

“Andy I’m dying.

At that moment I felt like I had been shot straight through the head. My brain froze
everything in me froze. I felt like I had lost all over again. And then I thought and I smiled.
“Well we always have today… Let’s make today the first day of our lives.

John T NightOwl
1,992 words