A crack in a suit of armor

Stacy and I had been best friends for 9 years.  In that time we developed a rock solid friendship.  Nothing could tear us apart and we truely believed nothing ever would.  But like all things it wouldn't last forever.

She met a boy, his name was Allen. Though he wasn't tall dark and handsom like in fairly tales.  He wasn't bad looking either. He was tall with dark hair.  A perfect smile and deep blue eyes that if you weren't too careful you could get lost in them.  Soon he was all she could talk about.  I didn't think much of it because it was high school and we were always crushing on different guys.

Then he asked her out.  I was happy for her I truely was.  But the longer they went out the less time we spent together.  I was a little concerned because I didn't want us to grow apart.  But there was nothing I could do.  They were inseperable and there didn't seem anymore room for a third wheel.

I spoke to her about it she simply said I was silly and I had nothing to worry about. Everything was fine.  I tryed to believe that but inside I knew they were empty words.  Soon I would be out of the picture.

One day we decided to watch him at baseball practice.  It was just him and his two friends, Jay and John, throwing the ball to each other.  Finally we were joking and talking like old times at the bleachers.  I loved it I missed it so much I wished I could freeze that movement because I knew it would only last a little while.  And I was right soon he called us down to the field.

When we got down to the field I met his two firiends.  With in ten minutes I noticed that Stacey and her boyfriend had snuck off to the dugout to be alone together.  As usually I was left behind feeling alone.

I was left alone with these two boys.  I was kind of angry because I was going to have to wait and be bored until they decided to come back.  But it didn't turn out to be so boring.  The boys were teaching me how to bat and later we played monkey in the middle.  I was always in the middle as they kept my purse from me.  But as time went on I started to notice that they were grabbing at me a lot more and holding me.  I just put in the back of my mind why should I spoil the fun they were just getting into the fun was all.

I stopped paying attention to where we were going.  And when I finally did I noticed we were on the complete other side of the baseball field.  Jay grabbed my purse and starting sprinting to the fence. I chased after him but he was up and over quickly.  I was just about to start climbing after him when I felt arms come around me from behind and pull me off the fence.  Then I felt a warm body press against my body. I froze for a second. I could feel his warm breath on the back of my neck.  Then the weight of his head as it rested on my shoulder. 

My mind starting racing with questions. What was going to happen next?  Where was my bestfriend?  Surely she didn't abandon me when I needed her?  How could she forget about me? Before I could think of anything else I felt myself being pulled gently to the ground.  I was completely terrified.  How could I possibly let myself get into this position? What can I do?

I layed on the grass.  He lying next to me.  He turned his head to me and smiled.  I had to force myself to smile back. Then his head came closer to mine and again I could feel his breathing.  He pulled me to him and kissed me gently.  I was afraid.  I wanted to leave.  Then he let go of me and stuck his hand in his pocket and pulled out his phone.  He looked at the time.  He looked up and said his dad would pick him up soon.

He stood up and lifted me up too.  Then he grabbed my hand and we started walking back to the dugout.  I felt a sudden burst of relief come over me.  And yet I also felt some disappointment too.  For once I got some attention for once  I wasn't lonely.

We go to the dugout.  Stacey was still with him.  She didn't even notice I was gone.  I felt a sudden pain in my heart. I could have been hurt or worse raped and there was no chance of help.  She would have been useless to me because all she cared about anymore was her boyfriend.  I was tired of it.

All of got together and walked to the gym.  Jay gave me back my purse.  But Stacey and Allen walked aheld again leaving me out.  I wasn't alone though I had one boy on each side of me.  But this time Jay put his arm around me.  I could feel the jealousy coming from John.  I don't think Jay knows the little incident between John and me.

Regardless I was happy here were two people who did want my company.  They didn't want to ditch me.  I was content being with people who liked me being around. But after awhile all the boys got picked up and all that was left was Stacey and me.

She just stood there with a big smile on her face.  Seeing her liked this made me so angry.  I was jealous.  Not of her having him but because she was giving all her time and attention to some one else.  I wanted it to be the way it was a month ago before she met him. Like the times we went over to each others houses and laughed and ate ramen.  But those times seemed like ancient history now.

Finally her mom picked us up and dropped me off at my house.  I couldn't all the events that occured that day.  The unbelievable emptiness I felt earlier felt so much better.  But I developed a new wound that hurt worse then the first one.  We had always had each others backs but today I was on my own. I would have to learn to depend on myself more so I could never be vulnerable.  Though we had a friendship as strong as a suit of armor, it had an archilles tendon.  And it was that boy.  He was the only thing to every weaken our friendship and she couldn't see it.  Because like they said love is blind.  And she was.

After so long I had finally gotten that lond desired dose of attention.  And like eating a single potatoe chip I craved more.  And the place I got the attention was from boys and that became like an addiction I needed all their attention.