Hope?

Hope. Is it really so great to have hope? In a society where hope is a buzz word, and most anything is “possible” is it sacrilege to turn your back on hope? I sit here waiting for a phone call, a miracle, the minutes tick by so slowly. I no longer want hope, what I want is for the waiting to be over. I want to know the answer is no, if that’s the case, but I don’t want to wonder. How quickly hope turns into despair. This leads me to wonder if maybe it is more desperation that leads us to have hope. As children we’re taught to hope, as adults we become dependant on that hope. I realize there is no other way, even as I write this, what is a world without hope? But I still feel somewhat betrayed by this hope state of mind. Without hope there would be no disappointment, because you would never “hope” for things to go well. You would expect the worst outcome and that would be that. No more dreaming that things could be better than they are. No more false hopes or illusions of dependable fathers or big fancy houses. No question of will he call or will he pick me, love me. Things are just simply what they are. Is this normal, that I feel this way? Does anyone else have days like this?