Alice

I walk into the room. She’s sitting there cross-legged in the middle of the floor, looking at me, but at nothing. I step closer; she seems oblivious to my obstruction of her view.

The lights are dim; I see only the brightest surfaces. Shadows are wavering. I look to my sides and see the gleam is from an empty candle. The flame dances to my every move.

Again I move closer. Again she fails to notice my intrusion. I hear a sound, too quiet to distinguish from background noise, but I notice anyway. Was it a whimper? Did she shed a tear?

Before I have chance to question the sound I hear her words, her sweet, beautiful words. My gaze reaches towards her face... my heart stops... the speech is there but her mouth does not move. Denial makes my mind wander: am I asleep? Do the candles hide the truth?

“...did you leave me?” ...was it a question or did I miss something? If it was a question, could she really mean me? I use my better judgement... “I never left you, I have always been with you,”

She maintains the vacant stare of one who has seen too much, no words were spoken, my feelings fall. I see her mouth slide open slowly as she begins to speak again. I move closer so as not to miss a thing.

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry... I feel so empty here alone. Please... please come back.”

The tears are beginning to well in the corner of her eyes, the light of the candle reflects from the surface of a single droplet of the crystal liquid. The liquid snakes its way down her whitening cheeks. Then I hear her fragile words... I hoped I hadn’t but it was said... “I can’t live like this.”

I try to keep my composure as my tear glands swell; each time I replay her words in my mind the feeling grows. Sadness builds. I long to cry but I have run out of tears.

Her hopeless moan slips into a pitiful laugh, the tears are dry upon her cheeks. She arches her spine and lies back upon the hard floor. The way she relaxes her arms before placing them behind her head reminds me of something... but what? I think hard but to no avail.

I move even closer. I even venture as far as joining her upon the cold floor. My arm extends over her chest, my hand clamps tight around her shoulder. “Everything will be alright,” I tell her. She doesn’t listen. She just exhales a long, calm breath. We remain in the same position for what seems like an hour.

Eventually she sits once more, my arm is lost, and her arms are close, folded around her chest. I move backward, giving her the space she seemingly requires. I look upon her with smitten eyes, my stomach turns and the fear settles in. I cannot lose her, not now, not ever.

I return to my previous position; again I place my arm around her and whisper in her ear, ‘I love you.’

Her body feels so smooth under my touch; my hand does not travel but instead finds a niche midway along the collarbone. I contort my body until my side is level and resting upon hers. I am as close to her as is physically possible.

She touches her nose just below the bridge on the left hand side; then touches her cheek before resting it in her lap. Where had I seen that twitch before? Again the feeling of recognition strikes.

“Are you feeling better now?” I ask her.

For the first time she looks upon my face; to some it would seem like I had been absent for the rest of the time. Her eyes meander along the ridges of my face before settling on my eyes. Her eyes are deep blue like my own. Subtle, yet beautiful. I study her face for a while, the curves of her cheekbones catch the light and reflect with such delicacy; her face almost has eloquence, others would fall apart just to see her smile. My spine tingles from bottom to top and I feel warm inside.

She smiles but with hurt shrouding her full expression. Her skin folds as a frown forms below the horizon of hair; concern within me grows but is quickly extinguished as the smile returns.

“I knew I would see you again,” she says.

Minutes slide away as I sit there. My mind is working double-time as I wonder what this means.

“I have only been gone for an hour,” I say, “are you sure you’re ok?”

“I’m fine,” she returns before smiling, and in the corner of her eye the light above winks knowingly off the edge of a blade. I get up hurriedly, fearing what I know will follow.

I try to stop her as she walks towards the dresser. I block her but she walks straight through me.
Again my heart stops, the light closes in, I can only see myself… myself?

Then it all falls together…

Her eyes are my eyes.

Her twitch is my twitch.

Even her very facial features mimic my own to a degree that we seem more than sisters.

I close my eyes, letting nothing in. My mind wanders through open plains, looking for something but never quite sure what. My heart warms and then cools as my thoughts drift from love to fear.  I want to cry or maybe scream. The realization is too much for me to comprehend. I try to focus but to no avail. If only someone was here to help me. I open my eyes…

By the time I can see once more she is almost gone. ‘Alice’ I whisper to her. ‘Alice’ I say a little louder.

“I am so sorry Alice,” she returns.

“How can this mean anything to me?” is her final question as her soul slips from view.

* * *

Forty Minutes later I am still clutching her body to mine; it is cold now. I look to her eyes, empty like balls of glass. I shed a single tear and close my eyes. Will I ever wake again?